wow! I completely forgot about sitdiary for about 5 years.! Everything is so different now. I think that Im going to start to write on here again, mostly because I need somewhere to put my feelings. I used to have like 4 diaries at my house but i lose them or stop writing in them. Winding down to summer the countdown is almost complete. The funny thing about me now is that I realize all the things I have learned from myself. Its a good thing to keep notice of the changes in yourself, so you at least know who you are! Even though we never really figure out who we are, we still get the "gist", of it. but what I dont understand is other people. They say that you never know who someone is. I guess that does count especially in the cases like your next door neighbor went on a killing spree. But what about your family members and your friends. Do we even really know them at all? Could they be feeding us lies our entire lives and we believe them because they are the people that we are closest too? I think that very well could be possible. I have been lied to by people I thought I could trust. I am sure everyone else has. But don't you ever stop and wonder whats the truth and whats a lie? and why am I so obsessive about figuring out if the person we love is hurting us. Its not good to be paranoid but you can't be nieve either. We all make mistakes thats a given, but what ever happened to a little trust and honesty. I have never had complete trust in a person, maybe when I would a little tot, but everyone certainly has found wasys to munipulate eachother. How are we expected to trust anyone. Or maybe thats what it is, we cannot trust anyone. I keep going back to this statement because no matter how many times I say it over and over in my head it just sounds wrong. I have just as many trust issues as the next girl but why much I always have the wall up. To protect myself thats one good reason but sometimes I just want to through caution to the wind and believe what someone has to say is real. I think its time for a change. I think its time for people to step up and start telling the truth and not disapoint people. Theres no way of course I can stop this, but i try to be as honest as possible. I used to lie about everything when i was younger to hide the fact that i didnt have a great life. But now i see how wrong i was. I know im still being lied to by the people that I love because i see it in my household everyday. When im finally graduated and can live on my own, im going to stive to be better not just for myself but for my future family!