i want my old life back nothing was ever better than what i had. i had great people to be around and lots of fun things to do with never anything to worry about. although i have to say i am glad that my life has taken me in the direction i am in now fore if it hadn't i wouldnt be with the greatest girl in the world. Yeah thats right.. my girlfriend whom i just love to death, she is the most beautiful girl i have ever met and i just knew after this past week that i want to spend the rest of my life with her. yes, it't trisha of course. but besides her there is one little hinderance in my life that i wished would have never changed. Jess why? thats really my question is why?.. was it something that i did or something i didn't do. we used to have late night phone calls, which at that point in our lives was like 11:00.. i remember you sneaking down to your phone and i remember myself having to hide and whisper under a blanket in my room just to talk to you. if there was ever a point where i had made fun of you in a joking way you would laugh and say "shut up" and we would continue to laugh.. But tonight showed me much differnce in you. while i had that 1 Minute and 23 second conversation on the phone with you i found that you aren't the same person. i said a small joke to you that normally you would just say shut up to and instead you said Shut the Fuck up.. now i mean in a way it's not that big of a deal but in a way it really is. you dont know how much it hurt me when you said that.. u never talked to me like that before you met him. where did i go wrong.. i can't ever AND I STRESS EVER have a conversation that lasts longer than 5 minutes with you.. unless i'm on the other end crying and you try to act like a great friend and say "oh i'll always listen" when ever he is around i feel so uncomfortable most of the time i go home and i dont think anyone knows this but i go home and throw up i feel so nervous when i'm around him and in a way i'm kinda mad at him.. but in another sense i think to myself.. should i be mad at me for not inviting jess to a party or for not telling you the latest news.. is it my fault.. i feel that most of the time it is.. now at first you said that he was the best thing that ever happened to you well maybe at first but after you had sex with him.. thats a straight out.. i dont even know.. why i feel so bad cause now i have to call joanna with every problem or i call trisha and i have alot of problems and when i just want to talk neither of them get that cause they just think i have problems alot.. but you understood me and you always understood when i wanted to talk and when i wanted to complain.. i trusted secrets in you and you trusted in me.. but really what this entire message is about is that i want my jessica back i want to be able to go to the fair and molest the ferris wheel poles without having someone else there to take the fun out of it. and WHY THE FUCK IS IT THAT HE GETS SO PISSED OFF WHENEVER YOU WANT TO FUCKING TALK TO ME? am i that big of a problem.. seriously do i need to come to him and say that all the mistakes in his life are my fault and my fault alone or is he the kind that has no mistakes just a few mis-haps.. what is it please tell me.. cause i want to go to st. cloud with you and joanna and zaq and not worry about you thinking of him the whole time or you worrying about what he will say when you get home.. why do i have to worry about it.. should i just give up on you.. i feel so but i also want to be your friend.. BUT IT'S FREAKING HARD.. and yes jess by you being with him.. you have changed AND NOT FOR THE FUCKING BETTER!

(this is a view of having a guy best friend.. joanna your message comes next although you might have read that first) Finally you come to me... but i never thought you'd be the one. lets start this back in elementary school. i grew up with a start of 11 boys in my class by the 6th grade there were only 4, me included. jason and jaden always just went with each other... and i was left there.. scott was either with them or sometimes he would come with me.. but normally he was with me.. it didnt bother me.. fore i had what ever person treasures, a BEST FRIEND. scott and i would randomly call each other and just be like hi or something and then hang up. in the 7th grade i transfered to the public school.. i feared that i would never have a best friend again. and the worst i feared, of not having a best friend, came true. well, yes, i had alot of great friends but no best friend. just a couple of weeks ago i saw scott for the first time in well 5 years i guess. boy he didn't change but i sure have, and so has his little bro austin.. who isn't so little anymore.. we talked and got to know each other again.. but he was and is still remaining homeschooled.. so i cant really ever relate to him on anything cause he lives in the boonies of svea.i had always hoped that he would come back and be my friend again. but i never had such luck. i used to be really mopey and sad and well depressed alot.. and people never really got the message they all thought it was because i was being picked on and i wanted people to feel bad for me but the truth is i didnt have anyone to even talk to me hardly. at first when i started dating trisha about 4 months into our dating she suggested that we go hang out with sara and mario. i realy didn't know mario and well sara was in my french class and we hated each other (funny cause now we're tight) but anyway i was skeptical but i went anyway for trisha after that night i felt even more depressed cause trisha and sara kept talking about their past together and mario kept talking about his best friend eric. i still didn't have a best friend. well after a couple of months i couldn't handle it and i broke down. trisha said well you can come hang out with sara mario and myself.. i said what's the point they are your friends. she said naw you can become friends with mario.. i didnt think i wanted to cause he was best friends with a kid whom i really disliked. but everything changed at the begining of this summer.. mario seemed to be with sara and have no conversation about eric anymore i noticed it right away. when mario started to text me i was like ok sweet i have a texting friend (well, we both have verizon so it's free and yeah it's fun to be able to randomly text someone and not worry about costs) and then he sara and trisha wanted to go to valley fair i was like ok sure i got the day off and everything was set. but that whole day i was with trisha and i never really spoke a word to sara or mario. but on sunday july 22 mario did something that i will never forget. he invited me to join him in sending our girls off to europe.. i was so happy not just to say goodbye to trisha but actually be able to have some bonding time with mario. we went on that trip and well it felt awkward at first but it got better as time went on. when we got back we would send each other messages of greetings or funny things to keep our minds off our girls. the next day mario came to work to talk to me on my break and that night we went to a movie.. it helped me alot. but that week i traveled to grandmarais and while i was up there he helped me out but it was still hard because i was all alone and my cousins were being jerks so i had no one and i would sit in the cabin for hours just thinking of trisha and mario and sara and thinking of our fun summer and then it started to hit me. and it continues to hit me. i'm in tears while i write starting to think of this coming year. i will be able to call or text at anytime, but i'll never have the luxury of just popping over to sara's house or mario's and seeing them.. my three best buds will be at least 3 - 4 hours away. and dammit i have to drive past sara's house every fricken day two times or more a day.. Mario i would write a bajillion more things that you have impacted my life with but my hands and my face are getting flooded by tears and all i really have to say is that you have shown me what it's like to have a friend who understands every angle of my life.. SO in conclusion what i am stating is that yes, it has finally happened.. I have a best friend.. and MARIO .. YOU ARE THAT BEST FRIEND -- FOR LIFE!

what can i really say about you joanna.. besides that you have blessed me with a friendship far beyond that of two teenagers. for everymoment i needed help you were there for every moment of triumph in my life you were there. we still hold the clean title for our friends and i hope we both do until marriage.. i know i will. u have been my twin in so many ways that it's hard to fit all that you have done into this short message so all i have to say is THANKS A BUNCH.. for always being there for me and always listening even when it starts to sound like i'm nagging!.. THANKS to you who have lifted my spirits up in the darkest times and thanks to you who introduced me to my beautiful girlfriend.. without you introducing her to me my life wouldn't be complete. i'm sure i'll update this with other great feats you have done but for now.. it is YOUR BIRTHDAY SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY!