School is back in session. Although I have a hectic schedule, I think that I'm actually going to like the classes that I'm in. They are finally interesting (in the most part) and I know what's going on. Business Strategy (otherwise known as the Death Class by other business majors) is not as bad as I thought it was going to be (or maybe I should save that thought for later). Time seems to be going by so fast, the days just bleed into one another until the weekend comes. I have made a vow to have more fun with the rest of my time at TLU. This weekend my suitemate, Jessica, and I went to Dustin's house to feed the animals while his parents were away. Jessica was super excited to see the variety of animals (cows, horse, bunny, cats, dogs, etc) as well as shoot the wide assortment of guns available at Dustin's house. Jess is from Houston and has never had the small town experience. I'll have to take her to Edna sometime and let her experience our small town...

Vespers is over...three more days of lecture before finals...8 more days in Seguin before Christmas break...it's the one month anniversary of Little Bubba's death...it's me and Dustin's 52 month anniversary...

It's getting to be that time of year that all college students dread...finals time. Only 14 more days and I'm done!! Christmas Vespers (the huge choir concert) is coming up this weekend. We are sold out for all three days and have been for the past week! I hope we are good enough to garner all this attention... It's been nearly a month since Little Bubba died. When we put up Christmas decorations the Saturday after Thanksgiving we found his stocking...little did we know that last Christmas was our last one with him. My dad might not even be home for Christmas this year. He's still in Brazil (he's been there since April). He was supposed to be done in early November, but things keep going wrong. Hopefully the team will pull together and get things done, otherwise this will be our first Christmas without him.

When I look around me, and see everyone acting normally, not noticing the difference in me, I wonder, how many out there are in a hidden pain?

I wear my sorrow, carrying it with me whereever I go. Others might not see it through my laughing face, but the hurt is there, cutting me like a knife. This pain in my heart is making me sick. Will the hurt ever go away? Will someone do something? anything? Can anyone do anything? I weep uncontrollably; I forget... Why can there be no happy medium? Of course, no medium would be happy now. Death does not leave room for happiness. When I weep, I long for forgetfulness, When I forget, I feel pangs of selfishness. Rememberance might be the meeting point of my two extremes. It's just too soon, The pain is just too fresh.

I hate the idea of death. I know it's a necessity; we all have to or else we would be overly populated. But it just sucks so bad. My cat, Little Bubba, was put to sleep today. He'd been sick for about a month but I really thought he was going to get better (our older cat got over the same thing). But when I got home from college yesterday he was so pathetic looking. He just slept all the time, was as skinny as could be (and he used to be quite the fatty), could hardly walk, and was like a ragdoll. I know it was time to put him down, but it's just so hard to let him go. When we took him to the vet I was sobbing, but I'm glad I got to be there when it happened. I got to kiss him and tell him goodbye. We buried him in the little animal cemetary we started in our pasture and bought stones to make a headstone. I just keep remembering how great of a cat he was. He might have been mean and moody at times, but he was my little bubba, my friend, my companion. Every time he would see me he would give his little meow, but it was more like an arrr, and I would meow back, and we would "talk". Now he's gone, I'll never see him again, never talk to him again, never cuddle again. I just hope that he knew how much I loved him. I hope that we did the right thing for him and that he wasn't upset or disappointed in us. I love you Little Bubba!!

We picked up our registration packets on Thursday and I met with my advisor to schedule my classes. Much to my surprise, she told me that I should be able to graduate in December 2006 instead of the next May as I was planning. I'll be graduating early with most of my friends!!! If I can survive my classes next semester I'll be home free...

Another week of classes over, sigh... I feel like I'm just dragging through my school week and even though it is only from Monday to Thursday, the time seems to pass by so slowly. By the time Thursday night comes around, I feel that it's been years since my last break. My classes are going ok this semester; they are just really demanding. Tons of information is crammed into one small time frame, papers are always due, presentations every week, tests seem to pile up on one another, and don't even get me started on homework. I'm ready to get out and find a job that is steady; I'm ready to settle down and not have the frustration of school. But I was thinking tonight of this idea; what if work is as stressful or more stressful than college? I just don't know if I could handle that... So to get myself through at least this semester, I'm just going to keep telling myself that I'm going through the worst now and that when I get a job it will be one that I love.

The hurricane didn't even come near Edna, luckily. In Seguin the sky is clear and beautiful and it's very hot. It doesn't even seem like there is a hurricane ravaging Texas and Louisiana... My mom left this morning with the animals in tow. My uncle (who lives next door to us) said that we haven't gotten any rain at all in Edna, so she decided to go back today and try to miss some of the traffic; we'll see if her plan works or if everyone else had the same idea. Back to the routine of school, classes start at 8 am on Monday :(

Well, the hurricane is coming and we're still in school. Yesterday all I could think about was how close Edna is to the coast and the expected hit point. Now it's expected to hit farther north of the coast so hopefully we won't be hit as hard as I'd expected. My mom is coming up to Seguin today and we're staying at my Aunt Stacy's house (hopefull we won't flood or lose power here). She left Edna at 10 o'clock this morning and has just now reached the crossroads (which is normally only 20 minutes away but took an hour and a half today). It's going to be a VERY long ride, especially with 2 dogs and a cat in tow. Mom decided to leave 3 of our animals at home. I hope they will be okay...

Things have been going by so fast and slow at the same time. Yesterday was especially odd. Thursdays are busy days for me in general, but I also had 3 meetings to attend and 2 papers to write. So it seemed as though it was not just one day, but multiple days each beginning after each class or meeting ended. By the end of the day I was thinking about my first class and it seemed like I'd had it about a week ago. I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's how my life has been since school started. Classes have been crazy/hectic. All my professors seem to think that their class is the most important and the ONLY thing I would invest my time on and that I have nothing else in the world to do. However, when you have 5 classes like that, plus have multiple clubs and fraternities, this does not work out so well. I'm trying to work it out and de-stress some so I can actually have fun sometimes (what a concept), but we'll see how that goes... I always have so much stuff in my mind to write down in here, but when I actually sit down to write, my mind just goes blank except for various things that I should be doing instead of writing. But I shouldn't feel guilty for taking time to myself. Just another thing I should work on...

So, I've been back at school for 2 weeks now. The first week 24 of us were trained to be Guide Dogs (freshmen orientation leaders/tour guides)and the time just flew by. Before we knew it it was Saturday (the 20th) and the freshmen were arriving on campus. Saturday was one crazy day. We had to be up and working at 5 in the morning and (with the exclusion of a few short breaks) were working until 12 that night. It was a long day, but I thought it went very well and I loved my group of freshmen and all my fellow Guide Dogs. School started on the 22nd :( And now here we are a week later. This week has been full of homework, work, catching up with friends, and changing my schedule. I started out the semester with 17 hours. On Monday I changed from economics into statistics and added a choir class that I needed. A few days later I realized that I really, really hated my intermediate accounting class and decided to drop it and just stick with 13 hours. Well, my advisor did not follow this same train of thought. When I went to see her, she let me drop accounting, but signed me up for a business finance class. So here I am, with 16 hours, a ton of homework, and a happy mind because I got out of the hellish accounting class! I actually had time to go tubing today with some friends! Anyway, my apartment is awesome. It's kind of old and dingy, but it is quickly becoming home. We even have curtains, ooo. I was really worried about noise (because the apartment we're in is notoriously the "party place") but so far it has been nice and quiet; I hope it continues...

I've been back on campus for 3 days now and have just gotten a chance to update because they've been keeping us so busy with Guide Dog training. It's going well, the other Guide Dogs are awesome, but I can't wait for all my friends to get back (they'll move in on Sunday). My apartment is super cool, we even have a wall of windows (in case you don't know I LOVE to look outside), and 2 of my friends are in the same complex as me :) Anyway, my college classes ended last week(thank God), and I got A's in both. Hopefully this semester will go as well.

First off, I want to thank everyone who called or wrote me on my birthday!! Since it's in the summer most people forget, but I had the most people remember this year than ever before; I feel special! Anyhoo, I finished my Spanish class; I got an A, and now I'm in the middle of my British Lit class (which really sucks). But we only have about 2 weeks left, so I think I'll make it. Other than that, not much has been going on. My life is pretty boring; I've just been going to class, doing homework, and hanging out with Dustin a lot; so all is good. Well, that's about it, so I'd better do some homework before class...

Wow, it's been quite some time since I last wrote in here. Things have been going pretty well. My Spanish class just ended today and I did well. Also, we just got finished remodeling our computer room (the reason I have not submitted any new entries in 2 weeks). It is very purty now--it's all green and foresty. We haven't quite finished moving everything back in (the computer was the first thing back in just a few hours ago, lol). Anyway, tomorrow I start my next summer class and it sounds even more exciting than Spanish; it's British Literature. But at least it's not at 8 in the morning, this class starts at 10:30, yea!! Tomorrow is my birthday; it will be the first time in my life that I will attend school on my birthday :( Well, at least I'll be done with class by 12:30 and have the rest of the day to goof off and open presents (hehe). Well, that's about all I've been holding in for 2 weeks (I know, it's quite sad)...

We've been back in the states now for over a week and this is the first real chance I've gotten to get on the computer and write in here. It's been a crazy week. The day we got back we all slept and unpacked, the next day I got things ready for my summer class, then started class on the first. I actually really like my Spanish class. We are there three and a half hours a day, but it goes by fast. The teacher is very funny (although he only speaks in Spanish), and the other students are also very lively. I'm very glad I have a background in Spanish (allbeit a not very good one). Profesor Venegas just expected us to understand what he was saying and skip some of the basic steps. But it'll be good, and hopefully I'll get much better at speaking espanol. Well, I don't really have much else to say... Hasta la vista...

The past few days have pretty much sucked here because of the nasty weather. Our normal routine of going to the beach every morning was ruined; in addition to that, we couldn't do anything else either because we have to walk everywhere we go and didn't want to go anywhere in the rain (we didn't pack an umbrella). Oh well, it was just like we were at home (sitting inside reading and eating). But that's over now!!!! Today the sky cleared up and we were able to get out and go to the beach again! We have run out of things to do close by... Rio is a really big city, which is both good and bad. Good in the fact that there are tons of things to do and see, and bad in the fact that the city is so spread out. We are at the western end of the city and most of the historical sites and various other "sites to see" are on the eastern side of the city, so it would cost about $50 to get there and back by taxi. So, needless to say, we have not been there because we are cheap people. Tomorrow is supposed to be completely clear, so we will probably be beach bums all day. Then we are going to a mountain called Sugar Loaf on Saturday, which supposedly has a really good view of the city from the top. Then we want to go to the "Hippie Fair" on Sunday morning to look around for souvenirs before we leave for our long flight back to Texas on Sunday night. Only 3 more days in Brazil...

The past few days have gone by very fast (as I expected them to). We have done a lot of basking in the Brazilian sun in the past few days (and have worked up pretty good tans). Every morning we have gotten up around 7 and gone to the beach for an hour or two and then started our day. We've mostly just been shopping around in various stores. We have gone to The New York City Center in The Mall of the Americas (haha), Wal-Mart (lol) and various other corner stores. It seems the Brazilians really like pasta, cookies, and alcohol. It's very interesting to see so much English written on everything here (like shirts, billboards and various food items) and have so few people actually speak English. But we have been somewhat learning the language. We now know most of the fruits, vegetables and meats for the grocery store and some frequently used words like thank you (obrigado), towels (toalhas), and the name of our hotel (Barraleme). Before I came here many people told me that Portugese was very similar to Spanish and I thought that I'd be fine because I took 3 years of Spanish. However, upon arriving here, I found that although some words were spelled the same in Spanish and Portugese, they were not pronounced the same whatsoever. "R"'s are pronounced as "h"'s and "a"'s are pronounced as "er", just to name a few. It's all very strange to me, but I'm trying to figure it out. Anyway, we haven't just been beach bums or shopoholics, we have actually gone somewhere. A few days ago we went to the Botanical Gardens (Jardim Botanico), which is what it sounds, many plants and trees all over the place. It was really beautiful and I took an enormous amount of pictures there. Hopefully I will upload them and acually learn how to post them on here one day so you guys can see... Tomorrow we are planning to go to a mountain called Corcovado which is one of the biggest mountains in Rio and has a humungo statue of Jesus on the top that can be seen from very far away. It should be very cool but I hope the weather holds up; it's supposed to rain and get colder starting tomorrow :( Although in Brazil "cold" means about 70 degrees. Right now it is a toasty 85 degrees during the day, perfect beach weather. Well, it seems I've written enough for today...peace out

We arrived safely in Brazil this morning after a 10 hour plane ride. We were in first class, so I can't complain about our huge seats and delicious food. After we got off the plane we went to my dad's apartment (which is right next to the beach :), and unpacked and cleaned up. After that we walked around the neighborhood and checked out the little shops nearby. However, soon we were really tired and came back to the apartment to take a nap. The rest of the afternoon went by really quickly. For supper we had Brazilian barbeque called churrasco, which is basically meat covered in rock salt and cooked to keep the juices inside. It was delicious and actually didn't cost us too much (about $10 each). The waiters were constantly coming to the table to ask if we wanted more meat, which they cut straight off a skewer onto our plates. I think we might try a few more things tomorrow after we had a good night's sleep. We're planning to go to the beach and maybe to the mall. Shoppin'!!!!! I'll try to keep you updated with all the fun activities!

Well, I'm done for the semester and am safely at home. Home never seems the same once you've been away for so long. Everything just moves on without you. It's so easy to just get caught up in your own life and think that nothing is changing back home. But life moves on, and it moves quickly. It's hard to believe that I just finished my second year of college. My brother's graduation got me thinking about my life after college. Will it be better or worse than it is now. I'm hoping it will just be different, just one more adjustment to make. Life is all about adjusting and making the best of the current situation, and I am very good at seeing the light in every situation. I really didn't mean for this journal entry to get depressing so I'll change the topic to more exciting aspects of my life... For the past two days at home I've been able to sleep in, a thing that I haven't done since Christmas!!! But this won't last long because I just signed up for a summer class at VC, Elementary Spanish. It will be from 8-12 MTWTH, so I'll be getting up very early for about a month to get there in time. But that's ok, it's one less hard class I have to take at TLU. I started to take Spanish II at TLU this last semester (thinking I had enough background from the 3 years of Spanish I took in high school to skip Spanish I); however, after the first day of class I saw that I was sorely mistaken and was far behind all the others in the class. After that day I was determined to make it through, but when I tried to do the homework assigned, I knew that I couldn't give it the time it needed, so I dropped. And that brings me to now, taking it over the summer and having the grade transfer and not affect my GPA at TLU! Woo-hoo. I'll be seeing my brother graduate from college in 2 days....we'll be in Brazil in 9 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!