i wrote a whole entry last night but i forgot how this website signs you out after you are logged in not doing anything for a while. so it was lost in the internet. today was good. chris came home. and i hung out with giselle and we smoked out of my elephant pipe chris bought me. it was very very nice to see chris again. oh how i love that boy. it's almost our 1 year anniversry. it's crazy. i never thought i'd actually find someone while looking like i do. but he find me beautiful and that makes me feel beautiful. and i've already lost some weight, and well on my way to losing more. i've got plans that i will follow through on. chris and i just really go together and it's wonderful to finally have him in my life. things are looking up. work is going very well too. i did miss alot last month but this month was alot alot better and i'm very good at my job. at least i think i am. i do my job, like we're actually suppose to. and i'm polite and i'm exactly who i want to be at work. so that's nice. especially when i get home and realize how much i want to be who they think i am. and i am in a way. i guess. it's confusing. my brother is getting married in june. my goal is to be alot skinnier than i presently am. i want to fit into a nice dress. and if my sister comes i want her to see how much of a better fucking person i am. i'm currently not talking to her. it's not like i'm surprised. i knew our relationship would fizzle out as soon as she moved in with that dickfuck. he really is a dickfuck. and i suppose they deserve each other in that regard. but when she lived here, there was a speck of hope for her. there was a chance for her to completely stabilize her life, and make positive changes, we could have gotten skinny together, but she fucked that all up, because she was too pathetic to realize how great she could have been without that guy. who is disguisting to look at. all she got for trading in her diginty and respect was a car and a condo. i hope it was worth it. i was her kleenex since i can rememeber. her punching bag, her kleenex. and that's horrible and it tears me apart sometimes, but i have to realize it. man that turned into a rant i didn't expect. tomorrow is going to be fun. giselle is meeting me after work and we're going to this place downtown where there's crazy sales and then we're going to chris's to get stoned, hang out, laugh and she's got some business to attend to with josh. hopefully it goes well. anyways, nighty night cyberland. see you tomorrow. xosamysexpot