They blocked my photobucket. How sad is that? I can't do anything at work. They always find a way to block me. I'm waiting till the day I try to get on here and it says access denied. I'm so glad I got my pics uploaded yesterday. Now i'm going to have to start going on at home. I haven't been on at home in ages. Argh! This totally sucks. Its not like i'm behind on my work. I always get stuff done on time. I don't see why i can't go on certain websites. I'm surprised they haven't taken away my phone too. Since my friends call me all day long. I"m pissed. Now i don't feel like doing anything here at work. I can't wait to tell my boss that i'm moving back to cali. I only wish i could be here to see them running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Its sad I know. I'm probably going to go to hell. I mean should seeing them suffer give me this much joy? No one knows how to do my job. I'm not trying to act all important or anything like that. They have changed the way my job is done about 3 times since november. So no one knows how to do it. Haha they are going to go through hell. I can't wait till its summer.

Jesse said this was his song to me. Our song will always be warmness on the soul but he was telling me how he's going to sing this to me next time he sees me. 1,2,1,2,3,4 (whistle) Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you I'm still alright to smile Girl, I think about you every day now Was a time when I wasn't sure But you set my mind at ease There is no doubt You're in my heart now Said, woman, take it slow It'll work itself out fine All we need is just a little patience Said, sugar, make it slow And we come together fine All we need is just a little patience (patience) Mm, yeah I sit here on the stairs 'Cause I'd rather be alone If I can't have you right now I'll wait, dear Sometimes I get so tense But I can't speed up the time But you know, love There's one more thing to consider Said, woman, take it slow And things will be just fine You and I'll just use a little patience Said, sugar, take the time 'Cause the lights are shining bright You and I've got what it takes To make it, We won't fake it, I'll never break it 'cause I can't take it (whistle) ...little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah need a little patience, yeah just a little patience, yeah some more patience, yeah need some patience, yeah could use some patience, yeah gotta have some patience, yeah all it takes is patience, just a little patience is all you need I been walkin' the streets at night Just tryin' to get it right Hard to see with so many around You know I don't like Being stuck in the crowd And the streets don't change But baby the name I ain't got time for the game Cause I need you Yeah, yeah, but I need you Oo, I need you Whoa, I need you Oo, all this time (ah)

Sometimes I think i'm going crazy. I miss Jesse. He pissed me off today but I still miss him. All I want to do is stay home but I have a feeling i'll probably go out. Jorge likes Gabby. Its funny. I want to get a new piercing. I don't know whats left to pierce though. Were thinking of getting a heart tat. On the inside of our lip. It will be a girl bonding thing i guess. I want to go home. I'm off but i need to finish up my work first :( Damn my friends for calling and distracting me all day long.

Oh my goodness. I am so tired. So heres the situation ( LOL I have been hanging out with Gabby to much) Gabby and I were evil yesterday at work. I got this random IM from a preverted guy. Gabby ended up talking to him. We got him to go to the beach ( a shitty bar)to meet rachel. Shes my ex friend. She got mad one night and left me at the beach. I was pissed to say the least. Anyhoo. We told him she would be there. Oh course we had to show up to watch it all go down. We had planned on making it an early night. Yeah that didn't happen. After work I went and picked up Janelle. Then we went home and quickly changed. We drove all the way across town to this resturant. It was fun. We hung out with other people with kids. Janelle had a blast. Then Gabby and I parted ways. I went to drop Janelle off and she went home to shower. I met her at her house. Then we were off. I drove last time so she drove. We got to the beach. We were waiting outside for our friends Pj and Evan. They were my plus 2 on the list. The guy we were talking to online was outside. LOL. So we were laughing. Our friend Joe was WTF. As soon as the guy was out of hearing distance we told him what happened. Then the boys showed up. The bands sucked ass. So we went to see the spazmatics. they are this great 80's band. When they finished we decided to go to the cheyenne. We were there forever. Gabby started talking to her ex. I fell asleep in the bar. Woke up fell back asleep. This went on for awhile. We finally left at 4:30 Am. I got home by 5. It was insane. I was a hour and a half late for work today. Gabby was laughing cause I called her at 8:19 ths morning. She was why are you still at home. I told her I just woke up. I was already late by that point so I took my time this morning. Now i'm sitting here trying not to fall asleep. Ewww someone clogged the tolit at work. Thankfully I wasn't the one to find it. She said it looks like its about to overflow. Then we found out that plumbers were working next door and turned our water off too. So whoever made the mess filled up the tolit to the top. How gross is that? I realized that because I can't use the bathroom it really makes me need to go. LOL. Ok I have tons to do so i'm outta here.

Time for another update. Jesse and I are still together. I don't see him as much as I would like. Its weird. When I'm with him I am so happy. I don't want to leave his side. I'm also happy when he's not around. How weird does that sound? Its like l don't have as much fun when he's with my friends. He will sit in one spot the whole night. He doens't get mad if I leave him there. I feel bad though. I always end up sitting with him or we leave. I don't want that. I was to drink and laugh. Take funny pics of my friends. I have always wanted a guy who got along with my friends. Someone who isn't the center of attention but more like the side of attention. He can hold his own. Make people laugh while making me feel special all at the same time. I never really had a guy like that. Well I almost did. Bruce was like that. Oh speaking of Bruce. I ran into him last thursday. It was a little weird but not to bad. Anyhoo. I was at Jesses this weekend. He was supposed to drive out to see me but it didn't happen that way. It was a fun weekend. We hung out with the kids. Took them to Knotts. They had a blast. I found out that Jesse is talking to this girl named savanah. He swears up and down that they didn't have anything together. I don't know though. I havne't liked her from the start. From the first time I took the time to read a backwards message. It was talking about her wanting to be his savana banana. When Chris told he his daughter was named savana I gave the displeased look. So this poor girl is going to get hell from me. I don't like her I never will. Hes going to have to choose. He better choose me. I don't want some little girl giving my husband a valentines gift. Thats not right. Jesse tried to say something about all the guy friends I have. I told him there is a difference. I wouldn't do anything with them. I didn't buy them valentines day gifts. I have introduced his to all of my guy frends. I don't trust his past. Even if he says hes a changed guy. I want to believe him but I can't. Its really hard for me. I don't want him around her. Does that sound wrong? He told me that he wasn't talking to girls to impress me. That he doesn't want to be put in a situation where he can cheat. talking to her isnt impressing me its depressing me. I don't want it.

its so funny how things work out. I was reading some of the old entries and it feels like it was a lifetime ago. Before I went to knotts scary farm I had met another boy named Chris. He wanted to date me. I didn't know what to do. I felt bad for Tony. Bruce was long gone by then. I go up to cali and Tony and Chris are on my mind. I needed to know what was going on with Tony before I agreed to date Chris. I'm at Jesses ( the ex hubby) house in cali. Things are going great between us. We are talking and laughing. We end up having sex. Thoughts of the other guys are gone at this point. The next day we go to knotts and have a blast. I was a little jealous of this one girl. She had a major thing for Jesse. He paid attention to me all night though. So that made me feel better. Jesse and I were talking about getting back together. I didn't know. I loved him but i wasn't sure if I was ready for that again. I didn't hear from Chris that week. It probably was for the best. It gave me time to think. He called and I got so many sorrys. I guess he had been super busy and blah blah blah. We hung out. I was going to tell him about Jesse. He was talking about his daughter and all the drama his ex was putting him through. I didn't think it was the right time. I haven't heard from him since. I sent him an e-mail wishing him luck in life and all that. Jesse and I decide to get back together. So far its been great. I'm moving back to cali in the summer. the kids are excited. he is being so cute. I really missed him. More than I thought I had. I'm a little sad to leave me vegas friends but its going to be for the best. I can't wait.

Its going on 3 weeks since i've seen Bruce. I did a drunk dial and gave him a call last saturday. He had to work in the morning ( i knew this) I swear alcohol makes me do stupid things. He was baby i'll talk to you tomorrow. I said yeah right. I'l believe that when I see it. It turned out I was right. :( I've been talking to Tony online but thats really about it. I went to Mikes birthday show at the cheyenne. We hung out for a bit. When he was leaving he asked if I wanted to come over and watch family guy. Of course I said yes. One make out session turned into another one. Thats as far as it ever goes with him. Then it was 5am. He had to get up by 630 to get ready for work. He woke me up at 6. I went home and crawled into my bed. I felt bad all day knowing he was tired at work. I havne't seen him since that night. We talk though. I'm not going to see either guy this weekend. i'm going to cali to go to knotts scary farm. I'm going to see some old friends too so i'm excited. I'll update on how that goes. For now though I have a bitter front desk girl asking for her lunch.

My perception of you Is of cool dessert rain, Or a life-given sculpture Of fine porcelain. From your face a reflection Of light newly born In a warm autum sky On a calm cloudless dawn. But your mind is a world I may never know. This thought I find freezing, My heart fills with snow. But my blood is made warm As we circle through space By believing your heart Gives the light to your face

Today is turning out to be pretty crappy. Well this whole week is I guess. I have been sick. Yesterday I couldn't even think straight. I stuck through a whole day of work though. Today I woke up with no voice. So i get to have everyone make fun of me. I just want to go to sleep and wake up feeling 100%. Last friday. I went to see Tony's band play. They were awesome. I mean better than normal. I was kinda scared going. They were playing at the bar Bruce and I go to. I had this weird feeling that Bruce would show up. I was right, cause he did. It was so hot inside the bar. As soon as the boys were done playing Shellene and I went outside. We were standing by my car. Out of the corner of my eye I saw this car stop behind mine. I didn't think anything of it. Then about a minute later when I noticed that it was still there. I thought that they were waiting for us to leave. The parking lot was packed. I was going to tell them we weren't. When i gave a good look at the car. I saw that Bruce was in it. They parked and came out. I really didn't want him to go in the bar. Its weird. I don't feel guilty for seeing 2 guys. Neither one has made any attempt to be with just me. If i did get serious with one of them I would stop seeing the other one. I knew if he would have went in the bar it would be weird. Bruce has no problem kissing or hugging me in public. Tony doesn't do anything in public. I didn't want to have Bruce kiss me and Tony get upset. I don't think Tony would say anything about it. He would be hurt though. I didn't want that. Tony wasn't hanging out with me that whole night. He came up and hugged me and we talked. We would bump into each other throughout the bar. He would buy me drinks and stuff but when it came down to it he wasn't hanging out with me. I was sitting at his bands makeshirft merch. table. He was sitting down the way at a table full of his co workers. They were all girls too. I think its funny. We had a good view of each other and would exchange looks. I didn't mind that he wasn't sitting next to me. It wasn't like normal when we hang out. He was playing a show that night. He was talking to his fans. So anyway Bruce shows up. He wants to hang out. So its like what to do. Tony wanted me to go eat with them. I didn't want to do that. Even before Bruce came. I ate before the show. I wasn't hungry. Other than the other guys in the band and Jen Chases g/f I didn't like the other people going. I didn't want to be stuck at a booth with them. I was also supposed to go to Dominques show at the cheyenne. ( shes still pissed that i didn't show) I decided to go with Bruce. Shellene and I went and said bye to everyone inside. I told Tony to call me if he was doing anything after they ate. He said he would. Thankfully he didn't see Bruce. Haha I was thinking about how fun its going to be once Bruces band starts doing shows. He mentioned to me that he wants to do a show with Solidify (tonys band) That will be interesting lol. So we went and got some drinks and headed pver to Bruces. It was fun. There were 8 of us. We just hung out and drank and had fun. We were outside at one point listening to music. He pulled me in and kissed me. He said he liked kissing me. I told him I like kissing him too. Then he tells me but Bruce doesn't want a g/f ( you know hes tipsy when he speaks about himself in third person) I leaned in and said i never asked to be his g/f. He said he knew that but just wanted me to know. I would love to be his g/f but i'm not going to force myself on him. I have't really talked to Tony since that day. Bruce called but i couldn't talk. I took a big dose of night quil and was pretty much out of it. Now I can't even talk. so it doens't even matter if they call. Ok so I was talking to Jorge the other night. We talk all the time. Out of all the guys he calls me the most. Out subject turned to Bruce and I. He was acting all jealous it was funny. Hes telling me that Bruce and I are going to go out. I told him that Bruce doesn't want a g/f. He said jsut wait you will be going out with him. Then he asked if thats what i want. I told him that I hardly ever see Bruce anymore. Since they stopped playing music at the time inn on thurs. I don't call boys. If they want to talk to me then they can call me. I don't know its weird. I got this vibe that he might like me. He was talking about relationships and how hes a good b/f. I never tried with Jorge. He has a new girl every week. I never thought I had a chance with him. We were friends who made out every now and then. lol. He asked me to marry him when we are 30. If we both don't have our shit together by then we are getting married. lol. Hes going to knotts scary farm with me too. That should be fun. He will get to meet my ex hubby. So i need to ask some questions. I need to ask Jorge what the hell is going through his head. I need to ask Bruce where I stand with him. I want to know if its going to be fuck buddy sort of thing. Are we going to be those people who are together when were together but when apart we don't ask questions. And tony I don't even know where to start. lol. I guess i first need to get him to talk to me. I'm wondering if his brother told him he saw me outside with Bruce. Trev's the only one who saw us. We weren't doing anything jsut sitting on the curb. Shellene and Ray were with us. I don't think he would jsut stop talking to me because of that but who knows. He left me a myspace message the next day so That can't be the reason. Hopefully hes just really busy. I guess I'll find out. For now though. I need to get outta here. I have lots of work to do.

ok so my boss is an idiot. The president of the company used to be in charge of the front office. He got to busy so he put the pre press supervisor in charge of us. This guy doesn't have a clue whats going on up here. My job is simple. I pay the bills whatever I don't get done goes on a report. Then the president of the company can compare it to out finanical statement. So my report was due yesterday. I rocked this month. I had a total of 3 invoices to put on it. This is my best month ever. I had been so behind since i started in this postition. The girl before me kinda fucked me over. So i'm finally caught up and its a great feeling. Anyhoo. I didn't add these one invoices ( since I paid them) It was a total of 10,000. I knew they shouldn't be on this report but my new boss is insisting that they do. So i said fuck it and added it. I just got called into the presidents office. It was me, the sales person, my boss and the pres. The sales person and I are trying to explain what happened. We work together on this company. Usually i do have to put an estimated amount on the report. Normally we wont get the invoices until the next month. So i enter our esimate so the statement doesn't look way off. Well it really wouldn't look that bad the current month it would look like we earned money but the month after it would look like we lost since the ivoices would be entered as an expenise. My boss had me enter it. I knew it was wrong and i told him but he insisted so I did. SO i go in there. The president figures out what happened. Realizes that I was right. surprise surpise. I looked like an idiot though. Now i have take it off my report and send it back up to corporate. I'm sure shes going to be thrilled to get the URP for a 3rd time. HE jsut pisses me off. He bugs me all day long. I have a chair in my office jsut for him since hes in here ALL the time. Its annoying. He could barely handle his own dept. I don't know why he gave him another one to mess up. Sorry I jsut needed to vent

I get to see Bruce tonight. I'm all excited like :D I'm bummed too though. Shellene said shes probably not going to go and Tina wasn't sure. Thursday has been girls night for a long while. Its usually just shellene, tina and myself. Everynow and then Mary and others join us. We go to this little bar called the time inn. They have been having a battle of the bands so its fun to watch. There is way less drama here than at the cheyenne. The fact that we get cheap drinks is pretty cool too. I like it more now because i get to see Bruce. HEs so cute it makes me happy. Heres some pics of us :) Hopefully they work Heres one of bruce alone

So i have 10 minutes to kill. I'm waiting at work with nothing to do. I want 6 hrs though so I'll stick it out till 5:30. So lets see what to talk about. Bruce finally called me last night. Made my night even if he did call at 1am. I don't mind. Hes to cute to get mad at :) Tony still hasn't called. Which is kinda upsetting. Yes i'm seeing 2 guys. Its not like i'm dating either one. The moment one of them wants to coment to me i'll stop seeing the other. Its hard though. I like both a lot. I have tony who is sweet and kind. He gives me this funny feeling in my tummy when he holds my hand. Then theres Bruce. Hes the life of the party. He like to kiss me in public. I have so much fun with him. Down fall to both guys. They are both in bands so that takes time away from me. I can handle that. I'm a great band g/f. Both work alot too. Tony I hardly see. Unless hes playing a show I rarely get him to myself. When i do its fun. We go to the movies and whatnot. Sometimes we just hang out at my house. He likes to make plans then ditches out. One time i asked him to come hang out at my house after his show. He said he would but he had to take someone home first. I waited up for him and nothing. Finally I said screw it and got online. He had left me a myspace message saying he was tired and went home. I gave hims shit for that last time we hung out. He should have just called. I would have went to bed. I was pretty tired too. He did the same thing the other night. He wanted me to come over after his son was asleep. He was going to call. It never happened. I fell asleep waiting for him. He still hasn't said sorry. Bruce. What can I say about Bruce. I don't think he wants a g/f. I'm not sure though. He tells me i'mbeautiful and sexy. He kisses me in front of people. He wil hold my hand. He takes me to his house and we listen to music and watch movies all night. I go to his practices. I see him every thursday. For the most part hes with me. THere was one time he was very drunk and made out with this nasty older lady. I was pissed. I didn't talk to him for a few weeks. But I couldn't stay away. I like him to much. He calls and talks to my kids. Its just cute. I'm so confused when it comes to guys. I hate it and love it all at the same time. Welp its been over 10 minutes. so I must be off. :)

This would be my second time on this page. I kinda wish my old name was still here. Its always fun to see what I wrote about. Its weird reliving past memories. Some you may remember most forgotten. I go through old journals and usualy laugh or cry depending on the subject. Others I sit and wonder why that was so important to me. Some random thing a boy said. It was my world back then now it means nothing. Its funny the way emotions work.

today is the last day to turn invoices in. I really should be doing them. Instead I've: I added the word vac to my timesheet now i don't have to hand write them later this week I have replied to about 5 of Shellene's text messages I have eaten an italian ice for breakfast I have talked to gabby through IM's Then on The phone. I talked to Jesse on the phone I moved labor out of job tickects I have finished my timesheets. I highlighted the hell out of the ones that need corrections I have sat staring at my computer screen for about 20 minutes. I hung up pictured that Janelle made me And now i'm writing this while eating sun chips. Oh gabby just replied which reminds me I have changed her name on yahoo to gabda I also searched though my pics to find a pic of us fighting ninja style. Sometimes i'm really surprised that I still have a job.