Today is turning out to be pretty crappy. Well this whole week is I guess. I have been sick. Yesterday I couldn't even think straight. I stuck through a whole day of work though. Today I woke up with no voice. So i get to have everyone make fun of me. I just want to go to sleep and wake up feeling 100%. Last friday. I went to see Tony's band play. They were awesome. I mean better than normal. I was kinda scared going. They were playing at the bar Bruce and I go to. I had this weird feeling that Bruce would show up. I was right, cause he did. It was so hot inside the bar. As soon as the boys were done playing Shellene and I went outside. We were standing by my car. Out of the corner of my eye I saw this car stop behind mine. I didn't think anything of it. Then about a minute later when I noticed that it was still there. I thought that they were waiting for us to leave. The parking lot was packed. I was going to tell them we weren't. When i gave a good look at the car. I saw that Bruce was in it. They parked and came out. I really didn't want him to go in the bar. Its weird. I don't feel guilty for seeing 2 guys. Neither one has made any attempt to be with just me. If i did get serious with one of them I would stop seeing the other one. I knew if he would have went in the bar it would be weird. Bruce has no problem kissing or hugging me in public. Tony doesn't do anything in public. I didn't want to have Bruce kiss me and Tony get upset. I don't think Tony would say anything about it. He would be hurt though. I didn't want that. Tony wasn't hanging out with me that whole night. He came up and hugged me and we talked. We would bump into each other throughout the bar. He would buy me drinks and stuff but when it came down to it he wasn't hanging out with me. I was sitting at his bands makeshirft merch. table. He was sitting down the way at a table full of his co workers. They were all girls too. I think its funny. We had a good view of each other and would exchange looks. I didn't mind that he wasn't sitting next to me. It wasn't like normal when we hang out. He was playing a show that night. He was talking to his fans. So anyway Bruce shows up. He wants to hang out. So its like what to do. Tony wanted me to go eat with them. I didn't want to do that. Even before Bruce came. I ate before the show. I wasn't hungry. Other than the other guys in the band and Jen Chases g/f I didn't like the other people going. I didn't want to be stuck at a booth with them. I was also supposed to go to Dominques show at the cheyenne. ( shes still pissed that i didn't show) I decided to go with Bruce. Shellene and I went and said bye to everyone inside. I told Tony to call me if he was doing anything after they ate. He said he would. Thankfully he didn't see Bruce. Haha I was thinking about how fun its going to be once Bruces band starts doing shows. He mentioned to me that he wants to do a show with Solidify (tonys band) That will be interesting lol. So we went and got some drinks and headed pver to Bruces. It was fun. There were 8 of us. We just hung out and drank and had fun. We were outside at one point listening to music. He pulled me in and kissed me. He said he liked kissing me. I told him I like kissing him too. Then he tells me but Bruce doesn't want a g/f ( you know hes tipsy when he speaks about himself in third person) I leaned in and said i never asked to be his g/f. He said he knew that but just wanted me to know. I would love to be his g/f but i'm not going to force myself on him. I have't really talked to Tony since that day. Bruce called but i couldn't talk. I took a big dose of night quil and was pretty much out of it. Now I can't even talk. so it doens't even matter if they call. Ok so I was talking to Jorge the other night. We talk all the time. Out of all the guys he calls me the most. Out subject turned to Bruce and I. He was acting all jealous it was funny. Hes telling me that Bruce and I are going to go out. I told him that Bruce doesn't want a g/f. He said jsut wait you will be going out with him. Then he asked if thats what i want. I told him that I hardly ever see Bruce anymore. Since they stopped playing music at the time inn on thurs. I don't call boys. If they want to talk to me then they can call me. I don't know its weird. I got this vibe that he might like me. He was talking about relationships and how hes a good b/f. I never tried with Jorge. He has a new girl every week. I never thought I had a chance with him. We were friends who made out every now and then. lol. He asked me to marry him when we are 30. If we both don't have our shit together by then we are getting married. lol. Hes going to knotts scary farm with me too. That should be fun. He will get to meet my ex hubby. So i need to ask some questions. I need to ask Jorge what the hell is going through his head. I need to ask Bruce where I stand with him. I want to know if its going to be fuck buddy sort of thing. Are we going to be those people who are together when were together but when apart we don't ask questions. And tony I don't even know where to start. lol. I guess i first need to get him to talk to me. I'm wondering if his brother told him he saw me outside with Bruce. Trev's the only one who saw us. We weren't doing anything jsut sitting on the curb. Shellene and Ray were with us. I don't think he would jsut stop talking to me because of that but who knows. He left me a myspace message the next day so That can't be the reason. Hopefully hes just really busy. I guess I'll find out. For now though. I need to get outta here. I have lots of work to do.