Well, my parents have finally decided that they want to go back to NY. Something that has been indefinite for about a year now. I am so confused, I have two lives to choose from, one here and one in NY. Im so lost, and Im trying to be the one in the family who is strong and Im kind of losing my strength. I am just really confused right now, I dont know what to do. I mean what can you do when you have no strength left?

So yeah life sucks...still.....Pretty much the stroy of my life, so I don't even know what Im writing about.....but Ill write again when something good happens...if that ever happens....

Hey life is so blah sometimes you know what I mean? There are times you feel on top of the world and then there are times when you feel like you're drowning in the abyss of nameless existence. I kind of sink into the abyss normally and I like to ask everyone for advice on how to just get along...just cause sometimes I can't figure it out myself cause Im so tired....If any one has any advice please share...I could use a little bit of a perk you know? *sighs* well Im off again...

Im really just getting sick and tired of everybody. I find myself hardly wanting to spend time with my friends now, due to the fact that everyone is just pissing me off. I would love to just get out and leave...the country. Go somewhere where I don't have to put up with the crap and stress I put up with now. Sometimes I really think that everything is just never going to get better. Everything is just a pile of shit and will remain that way. Im just so tired. I really am scared something might happen. Just everything will careen deeper into the hole already there. *sighs* gosh, life sucks.

Ok, so last night I went to Military Ball, where a bunch of ROTC classes from all over the county go to a night club and pretty much have what is supposed to be a "formal dance". Well, it was anything BUT formal. I mean, the fact that half the people there even made the Electric Slide raunchy was bad enough. My goodness, when they say "military Ball" you'd think it actually be ball like. Well it wasn't. It was nice to see a bunch of my friends, and actually have time to hang outside of school, but still...I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would...and anyways I found myself thinking about the love of my life all night, and wishing he was there, so pretty much, I don't think Ill be going back any time soon. I have a three day weekend off from school and at this moment in time I really kind of wish I didn't. You've got to really be down to want to go back to school...Of course Im pretty weird so, it's all good...I think that's it for now...yeah...maybe..then again maybe not.

Grr.....I have finally found the love of my life, and yes, I seem to have a habit of calling everyone the love of my life, but this time, it truly is....he is the most wonderful person in the world, and I would give him anythinga nd everything in a single step....so not only now do I have the best BBFF in the world I also know the best boy ever.....I love my life at this moment.