You were upset I saw it in your eyes. Then you walked away closing the door. I sat outside waiting, taking in everything. It felt so lonely even though you were so close. I find it truly unbelievable how much a door can separate two people. How much just being on one side could make you feel helpless and so alone. I knocked. You knocked b back and soon opened the door. I saw your face and knew exactly what it said. Seeing your face I felt my heart sink. You waved as a sign that I could enter and I came in and shut the door. I stared into complete darkness. Not knowing where I was or what was surrounding me. I felt the darkness engulfing me. Taking me back to a childhood memory. One that I forgot and left behind not to long ago. It came back. Taking me away from you. I will not let it take me away from you. I needed to grab onto something just to reach out. I felt myself slipping away. Reached out and you were there. Tucked into the back like a box you put there for storage. You were not here for storage. I touched your hand and felt your breath on my face. I was hot and calm. I felt my body begin to relax with every heartbeat. Despite the darkness, things began to come into focus. I felt you comming closer and knew what was coming. I remember how your lips felt. For a second I couldn’t remember where I was or why I was there. We shared a longer more impulsive kiss later. The kind that always lets me know you care. The kind that leaves me speechless and so happy to be alive. We sat there for a while me making sure I didn’t let go of your hand. I never wanted to let go. I wanted to stay like that in the dark forever. You mom came in and blinded us with light. I caught a glimpse of your face as my eyes were adjusting. Your face as blank and expressionless as ever. Your eyes held the truth. They always do. I love your eyes... I love getting lost in them. You don’t speak. You just shake your head or shrug as if you didn’t want anyone to do what would satisfy or make you happy. You get up and walk out and I feel as if this were a movie I was in, but I forgot to read the script. My head is spinning and I feel my heart beat faster and faster. I need to sit so I sit in your chair trying to regain my strength and think in my head what my script would have written for me. I try to move my legs to get me down the stairs. I see your brother. “Check downstairs”, is all I get out of him. I go downstairs not wanting to interrupt anything but really just wanting to be with you. You moms standing they’re looking at you but I cant see where you are. She steps beside and I realize you are in the boiler room. I don’t know weather I should embrace you or not. I know when I’m upset no matter what I say I would just love you to grab me and hold me. I wont fight you I promise. Eventually I more closer and lightly put my hand on you. You look confused and lost and eventually you leave me standing there. You switch on the radio and turn it loud. Its rather relaxing and distracting, I feel weak. As if i were just defeated in a battle. It wasn’t you who defeated me. It was myself. You move to sit in the rocker and I watch you unable to move. Its as if I'm watching a bird with a broken wing. Beautiful creature it is, though I cannot help it because I fear if I move it it will be in much more pain. Beautiful bird. I watch you for a long time just concentrating. Eventually you motion me towards you and I’m scared to move. Scared I might fall more w/ every step I take. I breathe in deep making sure my legs can carry me to you. I want to reach you so bad. I make it to your side and you have me sit on your lap. You rock and I feel safe. I feel as a child must feel with a mother. Holding them making sure their safe in their arms. Their baby. All I can do is hold on to you. I’m so happy this moment is ours. No one else’s. You speak the first words to me since a while ago. “Did I rub off on you?” you whisper. I say no. I think for a moment, trying to understand how I can be so happy yet so sad. You look so sad. I feel a combination. Eventually you pick me up and carry me to the couch, which is good because I don’t think my legs would have gotten me there. I feel like we had just gotten married. My mind plays a scene of the beach. I see the ocean and sand infront of me. You pick me up and carry me down the aisle. I see a lot of smiling faces though I cannot place names. The wind is whipping around my thoughts, as I come out of my daydream only to find myself on your couch with you lying next to me. Just as good as paradise I think. Because paradise with you is even better. We talk about a lot. You seem to have a happier manner to you. You kiss me one last time. Once again I am swept away by you. And I sleep happy that night, because paradise with you... is even better.