I'm afraid this will be my last journal entry on this site. It's just giving me too much trouble. I'm moving on from the beginnings of online journals to the new and improved (and very technically advanced) phase of blogs. You can find all my future entries at JBStone.Wordpress.com. I'm a little nervous about the move. In a strange way I've become quite comfortable here. It's like talking to your favorite stuffed animal as a child. You trust your feelings matter, your opinion counts, and you will never be laughed at. This place seems very small and understanding. It doesn't really make sense, but I guess it's just the comfort of a habit. I sign in, see the same colors and shapes, and I've been here so long...Wow, it's been a long time! But this isn't the first time I've moved my emotions to a different http and I'm sure it won't be the last. And although my readership is embarrassingly thin (though I think I like it that way), I hope you follow me to the next place. Goodbye, sit! Thanks for listening. Carrie

I shouldn't be writing this. It's 1am, and anything after midnight is just...melancholy. But a dedicated reader pointed out to me that it's been quite a while since I've updated, and since I tend to rely so heavily on the memories I pen, it then becomes necessary for me to dictate what I'm going through. And of course, as with any long absence from you, there's quite a bit missing in these pages and much to think about. He looked at me suggestively tonight. Brushed back my hair, kissed my neck, put his hands on my shoulders. I spun the cap back on the bottle of make-up remover and returned it to it's tidy place on the little shelf beside the sink. Not tonight. I could sense his frustration. It's the same synopsis of a married couple years out of their honeymoon. And with the busy lives we lead and the crowded roof we live under, who could blame us? I could. So I retreated to my desk and scrolled through emails, sorted the calendar for the weekend to figure out the events ahead. I didn't expect tonight's conversation. It was private but significant, recounting the steps we've taken to get where we are, where we are flawed and how lucky we are that our flaws as a pair are real, and therefor fixable. I don't yell with rash reasoning, he doesn't stray or ignore me, I feel like I can tell him anything and he understands it. We are faced with the roadblocks of innocence and inexperience, confused in a culture that depicts a romance so far from the truth. But this, we know, means nothing of consequence. After analyzing our present and taking into consideration our past, we gambled at our futures. Am I holding you back? Have I held you back? No, but I'm afraid. Well, we're all afraid. And then he goes to bed as my mind continues to poke at everything said in high school. I was the girl who was going to travel and see the world. I was going to leave this place. I was going to be a writer and be published. I was going to be somebody. Those dreams aren't dead, that's ridiculous. This is the planning stage, the moment before take-off and I'm just shuffling with my luggage and trying to solve the crosswords. I know the Lady is going to tell me I'm being too hard on my self, but I think I'm struggling to buckle my seatbelt. I can't quite prepare myself. The engine starts, but then I'm stuck in neutral, just sitting on the landing strip. I can't seem to make the extra push to get off the ground. I've got my camera, the internet, the skills, and yet I'm struggling to prove that I have that "wow" factor. There are holes all over my flight plan. I can clean and organize my desk all I want, but something still seems messy. Well, there are more projects and assignments ahead. All just another chance to prove my self. I do have high hopes for my future, as difficult and challenging as it will be. Kris and I talk about it quite frequently, which is comforting to me because I know we're on the same page and we're preparing ourselves for it, if that's at all possible. It's already registration time for next semester's classes, which seems absolutely absurd to me. I hate registering. It makes me all frazzled because I'm always worried I'm not taking the right classes or doing things to my advantage. I only have 23 credits left of college after this semester. I can't believe how fast it's gone by. A winter session study abroad program went to London last year specifically for photography. I don't know if they'll have the same trip this year, but I'd sure love to go. Like I said, in high school I was the girl who was going to travel the world. And so far all those people who believed I would have leaped ahead of me. I'm not sorry I never went on a Europe trip in high school, I think I'd have much more appreciation for it now. Kris told me that he really doesn't remember a lot from his trip, just the silly, typical high school things; who did that and who dated who. High school is too much of discovering you. College, for me anyway, has very much been about discovering the world. Every day I walk into my class with Aaron Brown I look forward to learning something new, something that is going to change the way I see something, whether it's the media, or a war, or the world. And I never leave disappointed or knowing just as much as I did when I walked in. That to me, is worth all of my time at ASU up to this point. After I graduate I'm not sure where I'll go. I might stay here a little longer until Kris finishes up school. He's a semester behind because of his transfer from NAU. Or I might go back home and live with my parents, save up my money. I'm not sure what kind of job I'll search for, perhaps something in photography, try to get my foot in the door with National Geographic or something like that. Maybe by then I'll have made a connection with someone through school. An internship, perhaps. After Kris graduates he's headed straight to training for the Coast Guard. Not really sure where he'll be. Not really sure where I'll be. I have no problem staying at home. At least then I wouldn't be lonely for the months that he'll be gone. It just depends on where my job takes me. Oh yes, and upon graduation Kris is getting me a dog. A Border Collie. Possibly a female named Charlotte. He'll be around long enough to help train her, and then she'll be my crutch and companion while he's gone, especially if I do end up moving somewhere alone. And that's about as far ahead as we can plan. PS - This website has been giving me a lot of trouble for a while now. Probably because it doesn't have near the population it used to. Nobody journals anymore, everyone's a blogger. I fear this may not last for much longer, but we'll see how it goes.

To finish my old story, Aja and I ended up between the barricades the stage and as Kid Rock stepped on stage to perform, we had our eardrums blown out and could reach out our hands and touch him if we wanted to. So that was pretty damn cool. Press were only allowed to shoot the first three songs, then they ushers us out, but that was perfectly fine with us. We fired away and then left. Walked the long walk back to the car and felt really bad when we explained to the valet that we didn't have any money to tip them. So anyway, it's been a pretty wile ride this past week. I didn't even mention that last Wednesday Barack Obama was back in town. I called my supervisor, Pam, to ask if I could use my credentials to weasel into the rally. She said of course and that they were interested in the story and were sending a reporter, so I got paid to be at the rally! And my entire photojournalism class was encouraged to go so I saw my teacher there. He shoots for AP and because I managed to wiggle a spot on the big platform for a clear shot of Obama, I got to talk with my teacher and he let me borrow a 400mm lens for a few frames. It's always fun to have the opportunity to use better equipment than what you have. Obama, by the way, was amazing to listen to. I think he especially strikes a chord with people my age because we're such idealists who are so cynical of the politicians and politics we've grown up with. I got some great photos and the whole experience was just phenomenal. Still loving all my classes, except philosophy. That class is very boring. I've had better philosophical conversations in high school. In my photography class we're finally making prints, which is the best part of the development process. We're making photograms for next week, which is really just taking photos of objects laid on top of light sensitive photo paper. I did a practice one with a couple of leaves and it looks really cool. I'm going to toy around with some more objects that will cast shadows and rough edges. I'm also finishing up my video for my videography class. Spent some lab time on that yesterday. I love my homework; working in labs. It's all hands-on and open-ended. Looking at Kris' homework just makes me gag and really appreciate the stuff I'm doing. I have to say, the class I am enjoying most is with Aaron Brown. He doesn't assign projects or homework, just asks us to participate in discussion topics on Blackboard (a school website). But I'll tell you, I spend more time thinking and doing research for this class than any other. You have to. Aaron makes you think, form an opinion and stick to it. Find facts to back up your point, sound intelligent...he just makes you think. What's more, when I leave that classroom, whatever it is we've talked about, I always want more. Today we saw a video report during Vietnam. I came home and started searching through Youtube for news videos of Vietnam. And then Iraq. And then Abu Ghraib. And then Edward R. Murrow. I even looked for Aaron Brown (which were the lightest and most entertaining of them all). There's something to be said about an invention like Youtube. There's so much potential there. Already I can go through and witness bits of history that I sort of, kind of, remember learning about, but didn't really get. Now it's there, whenever I want it. And as a wiser, more mature student, I get it. I see it and I understand it now. During the first day of class Aaron Brown said his goal was to have all of us leave at the end of the semester and look at television in a completely different way. I thought I already had an enriched perspective since I've taken journalism classes, but I can already see what he means. I can already see the difference. It's not just television anymore. I'm realizing that it really doesn't matter what I think I know today, something will change my mind tomorrow.

My, my, a little behind in my entries, aren't I? Well this aint going to be pretty, but I'll try to sum it all up nice and neat. Yesterday was the super bowl, an event I had been preparing for for weeks and didn't care at all about the actual game. I was out shooting expensive parties and red carpet celebs! Aja, the other intern who does the writing, and I had some pretty wild adventures! Our first party was the 944 Anniversary party on Thursday, hosted by Paris Hilton. We shoved our way to a good spot in front of the red carpet to shoot big names and almost no names as they arrived. Cold, a little confused as to what we were going to be able to do, and at times a little bored, we did have some moments of excitement. Dave from Dave's Detours (no idea what it is) had a thumb war with Larry Johnson. That was funny. We were able to get into the party, which we didn't think would happen. And guess who was there? Jackie and Tim! So we found them inside, along with Chris and Shannon, took a picture of and with them and Aja got some quotes from them. It was very funny. We ended up shoving our way to the front of the mob to the stage where 50 Cent was performing so I got tons of awesome shots, so that was exciting. The next night we were at a party hosted by Kendra Wilkinson, one of Heph's girlfriends. It was really, really cold, the set-up was horrible, we waited forever but celebrities to show, but we had a great time. Standing with us was an Italian photographer with Getty, very sarcastic and humorous. And a crew from NBC channel 12, a really nice reporter and a very comical and cynical photographer who reminded me of my Uncle John. So we had fun joking around with them and making fun of the whole affair. One "celebrity" came and actually handed us cards with his name on it, which was a good thing because none of us knew who he was! By midnight our toes are numb, our fingers are icy, and we decide no one worth our time is going to show up after that, so we headed inside. We found Kendra dancing on a platform with grown men reaching out to touch her, drunk people everywhere, and some pretty entertaining celebrities. After some pictures and quotes, we ditch our stuff and go back into the club to dance a little bit and finally head home to file our stuff. I didn't get to bed till 4 that night. Last night was almost a total disaster. We were offered the night off, but decided we didn't want to pass up seeing Kid Rock in concert. So we drive to Old Town. It's absolute chaos! Cars and people everywhere! The first parking we find is valet and they're charging $40! So we pass. An HOUR later we find another valet charging $20. There's no parking anywhere else, so we take it. But we're so far away from where we need to be and we're getting nervous that we aren't going to get to the event in time to check-in and claim a space to see Kid Rock. So we see one of those bicycle guys pulling the carraige thing, so we think that's a good idea, let's do that. We ask the guy how much, he doesn't say anything, so we shrug and get on, thinking he must work on tips. So on the way we're discussing how much we should give him. Seven, ten bucks? Sounds good. We get there, get off, and he tells us $40. $40 dollars! I say, we don't HAVE $40! He asks us if we have a credit card. No. (Like we'd give it to him, the scumbag). So we turnout our pockets and give him $26. He's pissed. We're pissed. I have to go pick-up Kris from school (it's raining today), so I'll finish later...

Mackenzie will be turning one on the first. Her birthday party is this Saturday, on account of the super bowl. But we had a little dinner party last weekend with Chad and Bless because they were going to be out of town. So it was just the family; Mackenzie clueless of the occasion. Jackie had dressed her in a fuzzy zip-up sweater and, since it had warmed up quite a bit by the afternoon, mom suggested taking the jacket off. From across the room, my sister yells, "No! Don't take that off her!" Kris and I kind of look at each other like my sister's gone crazy, shrug it off and meekly change location to be out of her way in case either one of us did or said something to make her snap. A little bit later we gathered in the living room and Jackie and Tim held Mackenzie between them. Then Jackie unzipped Mackenzie's jacket and revealed a onzie with a special message on it: I'm going to be a big sister! My big sister is pregnant - again! I'm very excited for Tim and Jackie. I think it was a bit sooner than they expected, but they can handle it. Mackenzie is a good kid. And guess what? The bundle of joy could be a Virgo, like me! I said to Jackie that she was going to be majorly pregnant during the hottest time of the year. She shrugged and said she'd just run away to Balboa. I told her I'd be right behind her. : D I'm working on a special gift for Mackenzie's birthday. It's an idea I've had before she was even born. Back when I was writing a lot more and shooting a whole lot less, I tried my hand at writing children's books. I really enjoyed it because as a kid, some of my greatest memories are reading books with my parents. With each parent I had a special book that only that parent could read to me. With dad, it was Mickey Mouse and the Haunted House. He'd use his "boogie man" voice for the scary parts and sometimes he'd try to change-up the story and I'd stop him and tell him, "that's not the way it goes!" Mom and I have many books. The Velveteen Rabbit, P.J. Funny Bunny and the Perfect Hiding Place, Amelia Bedelia, The Cat Who Wore a Pot on Her Head...mom read to me a lot. So with those memories, I always thought children's books should be something special. But I'm not much of an illustrator. I illustrated one book I wrote, the Truth About the Tooth Fairy, and I'm still a bit of amazed at those drawings. So I thought, before Mackenzie ever came around, I'd love to take photos and just doctor them in Photoshop. Then I could write whatever. So that's what I've been doing. The task has proved to be much harder and tedious than I anticipated. It's already Thursday, the party is on Saturday, and I don't have it done. In fact, I'm going over tomorrow to take more pictures. Of all the millions of photos I have of her, I don't have what I need to finish this book I'm writing for her. I really hope it turns out nicely. But it's something I'd like to do with her as she grows up. Especially when she's a toddler and I can dress her up and she can understand what I'm doing. It will happen faster than I can imagine. In a week, she'll be one years old. One whole year has passed. That's the only real big news I have. School is going well, although I'm dropping my digital media entrepreneur class. I just don't think I'd have the time to dedicate to it and it's going to be a lot of work. But that's ok, I'm still taking 16 credits and getting all of my requirements out of the way. I log and captured my video footage from Railroad Park today in my videography class. I was pleasantly surprised at how well it all came out. In the beginning it's hard to know when you're out there if you're footage is in sharp focus, if the coloring is good, or even if you're getting enough or the right stuff. I don't know if I have the latter, but I definitely got some beautiful looking clips. Not bad for a first try. I think my teacher likes me because he thinks I know what I'm doing. I guess I do know what I'm doing, for the most part. Compared to most students, I've had a fairly abundant amount of experience in film. I tribute the quality of my shots to my background in photography. I can see things - angles, close-ups, framing, etc. - easier, I think, than others without that photographic knowledge. I have no idea how well the story will turn out, but at least I know it will look pretty. : ) Speaking of photography, I'm still shooting bars for the Phoenix New Times. It's actually kind of funny; a 21-year-old not wanting to go to a bar. But it's not like I'm going there to hang out and have fun. It's work. It's been a good challenge, though. In the beginning, I had to figure out lighting. Now, I just have to think of new ways to shoot generally the same thing; people at a bar. I started with ten and I only have a few left, and then it's alllll super bowl madness. Carrie

If you are going to have a dream, have a big one. From Aaron Brown, former CNN anchor. It's Wednesday night, three days into the new semester, one day left of classes before the weekend. I somehow managed another blank Friday. Thank goodness. You may not see much of me this semester, though I'll try to keep in touch because I guarantee it will be worth it. I've got 6 classes, 19 credits and an internship. Which means, projects, projects, projects! And lots of time outside the classroom and little quality time with my pillow. Not knowing how I'm going to manage at all, I'm really excited about this semester. I'm going to shooting millions of pictures, doing lots of filming and editing; all in all it's going to be a very creative, diligent and stressful semester. I'm actually a bit worried that I will need to drop a class. I really don't want to, but I'm taking so many important classes that I really care about and I want to put forth my best effort in those courses. I'll have to give it some more thought. And I definitely need to meet with my counselor... I love my class with Aaron Brown. I feel like an idiot in there because there is so much history that I'm so ignorant about, but whenever he raises the question about a famous name or incident, all I want to do is research it and find out more. I feel denied of something significant when I don't know who so-and-so is or what such-and-such was about. Today he showed us the clip of Walter Cronkite announcing to the world that John F Kennedy was killed. I watched it for the first time, and afterwards, realized what it all meant. Outside of school I am also enjoying my internship. It's not the greatest right now because I'm out shooting sports bars in preparation for the Super Bowl, but I am going to be getting red carpet experience, an opportunity to shoot celebrities, just get a crash course of what's it like to be "that kind" of photographer. I like what I'm doing though; I love the fact that I get to be doing so many photos, that I can pitch ideas and work on my own projects, my boss is super cool and upbeat...I know it's early yet, but so far this is shaping out to be my favorite internship thus far. My OCDness is in full throttle right now. I've been trying to organize my self since the first day of classes but have been unsuccessful. The office is still very much a mess, a problem I am hoping Kris will remedy soon, since most of it is his mess. Eyelids are getting heavy...Thumbs up to the first week of classes. I'll keep you posted!

The relevance of time dissipates when the set schedule works day to day, subject to change and spontaneity. The lack of "must do" has kept our house up till 2am most nights, laughing the night away through card games of Kemps and Bullshit with new friends and old friends from high school we've drifted from. Telling stories of "the good old days" back when we were stupid, doing more recollecting than catching up. Likewise, we have been high schoolers, sleeping in till noon and dragging our butts to do our chores, as minimal as they have been. I love these breaks from the time constraints of school, but they never seem long enough. It's not over yet, but I feel like I still have so much I want (there is no "need to" during break) to do before my agenda book is flooded in black ink again. I quit my job at Wetseal. Today was my last day, although I might help out at the floor set Sunday. It'd be easy money, a few more hours to add to my pay check. I'm in a bit of a hole right now. Christmas spending and losing some pay at Jackie's really did me in. I took my puppy sitting money to do a bit of grocery shopping. Haven't done that in a while and somehow it hasn't mattered until now. I swear I've been living off cereal for the pure convenience of it. Anyway, the beginning of the new year inspired me to buy some fruits and veggies. And tonight I cooked dinner for the first time in weeks. I love having a real meal. Makes me feel like an adult. Ha! But I can't really talk about money this way. Money is always tight when you're between paychecks. At any rate, when I really look at things (which I can do clearly now, seeing as my check book is perfectly balanced!), my head is still above water, and that's all that matters. Not to mention those few extra bucks stashed away for rainy days. I think everyone keeps a little pocket change hidden in the house. Or at least, they should. You never know. The entrepreneur in me really wants to get going on my photography business. I feel like such a slacker in the photo department. I haven't taken any real pictures in weeks. I'm hoping to get some friends to sit for me, just so I can experiment a bit more with my studio lights and add more portraits to my portfolio. I really miss shooting, but it isn't enough any more to just take pictures of family gatherings, or even Mackenzie. I love my niece to pieces, but I have 2,000 photos of her. And I doubt any future employers are going to be interesting in 20 pictures of the same adorable baby girl. : ) The truth is, I really want to build up my portfolio and my website to start getting some jobs and make some money. Pocket change, really, just something. I want to get out there and do shoots. Nick was supposed to come over a few nights ago but got really sick; ended up going to urgent care, but he's okay now. They don't actually know what's wrong with him, but I guess he isn't in any pain now. Anyway, no Nick, no website. Technology has been a bit of a blockade lately. Tonight I tried working in iMovie, the mac program on my computer. It's pretty basic, but I can't get my videos to transfer. Frustrating, frustrating. I need to figure it out soon because Jackie wants me to put together a video for Mackenzie's first birthday, which is less than a month away. I'll figure out though, I always do. Some weeks ago I mentioned to Kris moving out into a place of our own. It's an idea that pops into my brain every now and again, but it's just a happy little thought I have for the future. For Kris, the novelty of the idea seems to have really struck him. He brings up out of the blue sometimes, and every time we talk about it he seems to be more and more set on it. I have no problem with it, if we can afford it. I realize how much of a control freak I am about my stuff, but with good reason, I think. Example: When Dina lived with us, she always let food just sit in my pots. And then she's hand wash them with a dirty old sponge. Today I had to scrub a pot with brillo because there was some nasty black stuff on the pot that I noticed had gotten into my food one day when I made mac and cheese. And the other day Travis tried to print something off my printer. He was trying to be nice by not using my printer paper, so he put in regular lined paper instead. Well first of all, he never asked if he could print something. And second of all, the paper jammed my printer and I haven't been able to fix it yet. Things like that just drive me nuts. I understand now exactly how my mom felt all those times she got on her computer and something wasn't the way she had left it because I had "touched" it. I'm completely going off on a tangent but it feels good to rant. And if you can't rant in a journal, where else can you? (Kris has already heard all this. Several times.) Point being, Kris and I are perfect roommates, and not just because we're dating, but because we have respect for things that are not our own. Because we see the same dirt, know how to mop, understand responsibilities, and express gratitude. I think the argument against us moving in together at the end of our lease would be, "what's the rush?" But when I think back, I'm pretty sure both our parents lived together in college. Anyway this isn't a sure thing. We've got a pretty sweet gig here, and it is nice having some company. Sometimes I think having someone spill milk on your polished floors just teaches you to be understanding and easy-going. Not everything is perfect, but perfect can be very dull. I tip-toe around the subject of Kris' future a lot. I feel like every time I bring it up I get politely told to stop pestering, or I don't get any real answers because, to be honest, he doesn't seem to have them. I brought up tonight on our way to the movie (National Treasure 2 - good flick). Two opportunities have popped up recently for Kris; a paid internship and someone else offered to have Kris shadow him a day or two, just to see what a normal day as a civil engineer is like. They both seemed like really good opportunities, and if it were me, I would have jumped at them. But not Kris. Kris shrugs and says he isn't sure. What I think he means is that he doesn't care. I think he's getting this degree to have a fancy piece of paper with a pretty signature on it. I think his whole world has become the coast guard. I've already told him that I will support his decision to join the coast guard, but I have to admit that I'm still not entirely comfortable about it. And I've told him that. I don't like not knowing where we'll be or what's going to happen. My desire for surprises is limited to candle-lit dinners and birthday parties. Tonight we promised to work-out together. For him, it's pre-training. For me, it's training for swimsuit season. He's talked about prepping for the coast guard for so long now, and for the past few weeks it feels like all he's done is sit on that couch playing video games. I'm all for freedom and time to ones self, but I hope he's not losing his motivation. I hope he's not turning into a dream. Talked about and thought about, but never done about. I hope that in these coming weeks he'll pick up his feet again and move. I see it in him every once in a while. I prod him, and one day he surprises me and gets everything accomplished. Most days I am very proud of him and see a real man in him. Other days I could just kick him in the ass. But I think that's any relationship. Well, clearly I've had a lot on my mind that needed an escape route...before I start writing into another web address, I better end it with a final note. I'm excited for 2008. I feel like I'll be faced some big cross roads this year. I hope I'm ready for them when the time comes. Brace your self, change is on its way. And it blows strong.

This site has been on the fritz again, so I haven't been able to log in for an update. Which is really a shame, because having so much time to think about things and talk about events always proves detrimental to the details here. But I'll give it my best shot. Christmas this year was wonderful. A few fays before Christmas I came on here and, I don't know if it was on purpose by accident, my entry about Christmas last year popped up. I read it, frowned, kind of chuckled to my self, and then got a little nervous for this year. I remember Christmas in 06 very well, especially when I go back and re-read my memory of it. I remember about the tv being turned on, turned down, turned off, turned on, turned up, turned down, and so on. There was no of that this year. This year, was very..."Christmasy". Christmas Eve was a bit...well, not as smooth as we had hoped. We found out last minute that our reservation at the restaurant for 5pm would be delayed until 5:30 when the restaurant opened. Kris, mom and I had to be at church at 6:15. So we sat down, ate, chatted, and once the main course came, we wolfed it down and ran. We didn't get to church until almost quarter to seven. Tim was disappointed that we had to rush through dinner. It's a nice place, with special value to him because it's where he and Jackie got married. So we felt bad. Church went well. Mom played her bell part in Carol of the Bells perfectly for the first time, and what better time to get it right than during the performance? We rang, we sang, and at the end, the Sloans and Dollanders dashed for the doors. Grandma and Mackenzie were both tired and cranky, which meant dad pulled mom's arm to the car to get home and Jackie and Tim hurried home without even saying goodbye. So I, the remaining Sloan, remained with my other family for pictures. Like most couples, Kris and I have a struggle during the holidays to spend equal time with both our families. So even after we had dinner with my family, after church we joined his family for fancy dessert at Denny's. : ) We sat and talked for a long time, and I was happy that we were able to do so. Back up the hill, we walk into my parent's house to find Tim, dad, and mom in the den, watching (or snoring through) My Cousin Vinny. Christmas morning we all rose about 7:30. The real excitement flourished over Mackenzie's first Christmas. Dad made her a circus wagon like the one Jackie had when she was little. He painted yellow bars and gold trim, complete with animal stickers at the corners, a tiger in the cage, and Jocko the monkey driving the wagon from a small chair at the top. It's really adorable and Kenzie just loved it. All the gifts were great, very thoughtful and purposeful. After French toast, Kris and I went to his parents' house for dinner number 1, gifts, and singing carols. I had never spent Christmas with them and although it wasn't their usual Christmas because the company was so different, it was really nice to see how his family celebrated. Back to my parents house for dinner number 2. All, delicious. Afterwards the grandchildren dusted off their musical knowledge and rehearsed the Christmas music Kris and I had put together. It wasn't quite as smooth as we planned, but no one cared. Everyone was thrilled to hear us play. Kris on drums, me on flute, Matt on saxaphone, Kelly and Justine on piano, and Jackie and Mackenzie covering shakers and bells during Jingle Bells. It was our gift to grandpa, since he was a drummer and is always talking to Kris about drums. He calls Kris Para Diddle Jo. It's very sweet. A long time ago he even offered to give Kris his drum set, which is really something because grandpa loves his drum set. I got a very nice photo of the two of them behind the snare. I'm going to frame it for gramps. He'll like that. The evening mellowed, but in a good way. My family seemed far less stressed out and testy than last year. Dad even helped clean-up without being asked. People talked and yummmmed over the desserts. When everyone had gone, Kris, mom and I were the last ones still up. We talked and kidded like we always do. And that, was our happy Christmas 07. Carrie

The other day I got a phone lecture that inspired my new years' resolution - and I'm not waiting until the 1st to begin. Numbers and me have never been friends. In third grade we learned our times tables. Every week (or day) we took a times table test; the same test every time. When you got 100%, you didn't have to take it any more. I took that damned test until the last day of school. I'm not a dummy. My report card proves it, and I certainly have enough common sense to carry my own. Common sense has been drilled into my head thanks to my father, who has no patience for people without it. I'm also not an idiot with math. Really, it's all physiological. It's a lack of confidence that began way back in the beginning and it's a hurdle I've never been able to jump over. It's also a problem I've always been too afraid to tackle. I'm afraid of looking stupid. And because of that, I avoid math at all costs. I rely on calculators, computers, and my boyfriend to tell me the total, the percentages, the whatever. And that, I've come to realize, is about the worst thing I could do. I'm not sure I should be putting this out there, but I have an overdraft problem. Really. Some people can't stop biting their nails, or smoking, or no matter what they do, they can't lose weight. Well I've learned my lesson many times, but I still get that nasty notice in the mail that I've overdrawn. And it's not just a few dimes and dollars, it's a lot. And it shouldn't happen. But my nemesis with numbers keeps me from paying attention to them. Even when they're in my own bank account. There is no excuse for overdrafts, no matter what I say. I know there isn't. I had good examples growing up, I know how it's done, I know how important it is to keep on top of finances, I've had examples of the good and the bad all my life. And I can't continue the way I do or I'll end up digging my self a grave of debt. So here we go. I've got my book, the balance written at the top, and from now on, I'm not losing my balance.

Finders keepers, losers weepers. I discovered the validity of that childish phrase today and unfortunately was not on the finders side. Dina officially moved out this morning. Cleaned out everything (well, sort of) and drove away from Club 33. The house has been an absolute dump for weeks now because everyone's been either too busy or too lazy to do anything about it. I was the too busy kind, but even if I'd had the time, it wasn't worth doing until Dina was gone. So today I lit the match and Kris and I got cleaning. Travis was not home, as usual. Anyway, we needed cleaning supplies so I decided to take Dina's $50 non-refundable cleaning fee and buy supplies. So I grabbed the cash from my filing folder and went to Walgreens. Sponges, toilet cleaner, wood polish, light bulbs...Basket full, I get to the register and discover the money is missing. I shuffle through the million little slips of paper in my purse, I check all the pockets fifteen times, I can't find it. So I pay for it myself. Then I retrace my steps through the store -- I had the money in my hand when I entered -- and it's nowhere to be found. The manager took my name and number in case someone turned it in, a sympathetic gesture, but completely pointless. Who in their right mind is going to hand over $50 in cash? I knew it was lost. So I went home, upset. Crying. Crying because I'm broke and fifty bucks means a lot. Crying because I was so mad at myself for losing it, for being so careless. In the end, all I can do is hope that the person who found it really and truly deserved to find it. I hope some young kid found it and will spend it on a gift for someone they love. Or a single-mom who's struggling this Christmas. I just hope it wasn't some sleazy, life-worn hands going to spend it on a bottle of Jack Daniels and a carton of cigarettes. I hope that money was fingerprinted in Karma. So to whoever did find it, Merry Christmas. Spend it well. Hopefully not on cleaning supplies. The other day mom and I went in for our surgeries. Did I mention this? I don't remember. Anyway, it was no big deal. I finally got that hideous cyst removed from my shoulder and a mole from my stomach. Lovely, eh? It's a bit bothersome though. It doesn't hurt unless I'm wearing tighter clothing for a while. No pressure, you see. Which doesn't making sleeping all that easy. The day of the surgery I slept a lot because of the "cocktail" they gave me. I don't know what it's really called, but it makes you act kind of drunk and then gives you amnesia. So really, it is a bit like getting pissed. Apparently during the surgery I kept asking to see it. And I let them all know that my roommates watch House. And I asked again, several more times, if I could see. I don't remember any of it of course but the doctor thought it was quite funny. Anyway, I came home and slept most of the day. And between naps I did a bit of studying for my last final exam. Kris took very good care of me, of course. Fetched me water all day long and made me lunch. It was very charming. Anyway, mom and I had our surgeries,and Joey had his surgery the other day on his leg, so we're all stitched and bandages right now. Poor pup wasn't well tonight. I was babysitting Kenzie tonight. Joey spent most of the night on my lap on the couch. He's got a cast on his back paw so he just hobbles around. And with those big brown eyes he really can give you a run for your money. Until you realize he's not quite as helpless as you'd think and he runs after something in the bushes. But he wasn't feeling too well tonight, a reaction to the medication, I bet. But I did enjoy having him snuggled with me while we watch Chocolat (a good movie, if you haven't seen it yet). Last night we had a last hoor-ah for Dina. Kris cooked steaks and we made Margaritas. Then our Dina replacement, Allison, came over and we all played card games until about midnight. We all had such a good time, just being silly. Allison seems very nice. I think she'll be a good roommate to have. She won't be moving in until January, which gives the three of us the whole rest of December to enjoy with just the three of us. The house is clean now, all lemon and disinfectant spray. And Saturday we'll finish putting lights on the house. And maybe we'll even get a tree this weekend. I hope so. Carrie

Two years ago Kris and I returned to my house from a date. Mom immediately ushered us onto the couch beside her, telling us, "you have to watch this!" What we ended up watching for an hour or more was a concert performance of Andre Rieu on channel 8. Andre is a conductor of a great orchestra and he also plays (which is an understatement for what he actually does) the violin. What we saw glued us in that living room. The musicians sang through their instruments. The men were in tuxes, and the women in extravagant, period looking dresses.The joy they got from the music just radiated from their sound and their faces. Smiling, joking, all alive and spirited. Mom thinks she remembers the concert being in Tuscany, Italy. The crowd there just consumed it all. They sang or clapped or danced to every song. They cheered and clapped and begged for more. Even as far removed from it as we three were, the energy from that performance, that crowd, reached us in our little, quiet living room in Scottsdale, Arizona. Tonight we closed the distance. As a birthday gift to her self, mom bought tickets for the concert here. Mom, dad, Kris,Karen, Mike and I all went. Still having that memory of the first time I had ever heard of Andre Rieu, I couldn't wait to experience it all in person. The performance did not disappoint us, any of us. The orchestra was phenomenal, the singers incredible, and Andre...fantastique! I couldn't stop smiling from start to finish. But what I couldn't help notice that strongly contradicted my cherished memory of the Rieu experience, was the lackluster of the audience. Andre made several remarks through the night about Phoenix being the best place to perform, and how it made his year, and we all knew he was kidding. I bet the orchestra hates playing in America. While in other places across the globe, audiences are out of their chairs and actively participating in every way the music moves them, we Americans sit politely in our ticket-assigned seats. We applaud at the end of songs and during bows, but don't make us clap too long because our hands get tired. We clap during songs only when the rhythm is very strong and demands it. And we really don't ever sing unless asked. At the end of the concert, they played God Bless America. I bet they play nation songs wherever they go, and you know they played it just so we could get excited about singing it. But to be honest, I'm not sure how many people in that vast audience knew all the words. The most decipherable phrase heard was "sea to shining sea." And I'm not excluding my self from that sad observation. Kris knew all the words, but he sang the song in high school choir. Without that history, would he have known them? I also noticed that before the concert even finished, people were on their way out the door. Granted, the majority of this audience had gray hair, but still. When comparing nations, has America's passion gone by the wayside, and entertainment taken over? Have we, who have become so comfortable in our Lazy Boys with our DVRs to play and fast forward whenever we want, lost the energy to stand and clap until the very last musician has left the stage? If I get the chance to talk to a musician who's performed all over the world, I'd like to ask, Is America the worst audience? I told mom we have to go abroad to see the concert again, the proper way. I'm not disappointed in tonight. I'd been looking forward to it and I enjoyed it from start to hours after finish. But on the list of things to do before I die, I'm adding Andre Rieu in Tuscany. Carrie

It's a law of life that you will run into the one person who makes you feel like shit, when you look like shit. I pretended not to see him, dodged into the stairwell and skipped to the second story two at a time. I ducked into the office, handed over my paperwork, and proceeded to exit the building a different way with haste. Naturally, out of the corner of my eye on my way to the parking garage I saw him walking a few yards behind me. My only hope is that I was too much of a mess to recognize. Some days one shower isn't good enough. Some hours later, in the middle of the afternoon, you just need to dunk your head under water and start over. Wash away the ugliness, the bad feelings, rinse away sloth and bad thoughts. So that's what I did. The Dollander household is an infirmary. Tim got sick, Jackie's sick, even poor little Mackenzie is suffering the energy drain of a cold. I spent the morning there and will have to go back again in just a bit. I'll probably need to detox myself when I get back. This is the worst time to get sick; anchor tapings tomorrow, finals, surgery coming up...I ought to pick up some orange juice on my way home. Dina moves out in about two weeks. Still looking for a replacement. Getting nervous. Travis has a friend who might be interested. I'll breathe easy when we shake hands on it. Carrie

Jackie, Tim and Mackenzie are at the Grand Canyon on the Polar Express, which is the only reason why I'm updating this thing. My schedule's crammed and I've got a sticky note a foot long of things to do, so I'm taking advantage of the free morning before I go to the station. I'm working on visuals for the Advent performance again. The concert is this Sunday so I only have about a week to put it all together. It's also finals; classes are winding down, big projects are due, tests coming up...I'm glad I don't have to worry about making any more arrangements for next semester. I'll probably quit my job at Wetseal after the holidays. I've only been working weekends and lately with all of our weekend events I've had to request a lot of days off and the days I can work they haven't really been scheduling me. I might hang on a bit longer because it's worth it for the discount, but we'll see. I plan on applying for a summer internship in radio. I heard about it through ASU. It's paid and I think I'd enjoy it. I really miss working at the Blaze. I thought I'd be able to help out there this semester but it didn't fit in my schedule. And next semester I'll be going a lot of photography. I got in touch with the professor who teaches an advanced online media class I really want to take. They create the Zine, an online magazine with stories, photos, and video. A lot of their work recently won a lot of awards, too. Anyway, I wrote to congratulate them and ask how I could get involved. Turns out, the Photo II class takes a lot of photos for them and since I'll be taking it next semester, I really hope I can get my foot in the door at the Zine. I'm really excited to be getting into some multi-media reporting. I had hoped to create a lot of good packages for my broadcasting class this semester, but it just didn't happen. Either it was a time constraint or a technology glitch. But it was still a good experience. Speaking of packages, I'm working with an editor at the station this week to edit together my package about the car adaptations. This thing has taken forever to put together. I can't wait to finish it and put it in the bag. I was on the news the other night. Not reporting, unfortunately. On my way to the station the driver ahead of me ran a red light, got t-boned, spun into on-coming traffic and ran into a building. I saw the whole thing right in front of me. Luckily I had my camera with me (I was still hoping to catch my spot news for my photojournalism class), so I pulled over, called the station to bring someone down, and took pictures. A photographer from 5 came and interviewed me as a witness. And my photographer teacher, RD, was siked to hear about the incident. People in the news business joke all the time about what bad karma we're going to have because we're always hoping for things to happen. We get excited when there's an accident or a fire or something. But of course we always hope no one gets hurt. No one got hurt in the accident by the way. The driver was scared and upset, but okay. Last night my roommates and I were watching tv and saw a change of the times. A commercial for Dolce and Gabanna came on. It showed two women and two men dressed up racing seperately through the city. And at the end, the women race to each other and then men race to each other and it actually showed the men kissing. Dina said in the other version in shows the women kissing. We were stunned! Gays have broken through in television sitcoms and are becoming more and more accepted, especially on the West Coast and among younger generations, but we couldn't believe we saw it in a commercial. The weather dropped, finally convincing us that it's winter (or at least fall). The other day our house dropped to 60 degrees. We bought fire logs and had a fire going to warm it up, but it didn't help much so we ended up turning the heat on. But it felt nice to have a fire. I haven't had a real fire in ages. Anyway, things to do. Carrie

Last now the house swelled with people, but it amazingly, we fit. Open windows and open doors, I'm sure the neighbors heard our thunders of laughter throughout the night. Mom and I had raced around after church, going here, going there, getting this, getting that; I felt spoiled! She bought us a very pretty and full silk tree which immediately found its place in the corner behind the couch and made the room complete. Everyone loved taco fiesta! And on one very long and uneven table, 16 people sat and got their hands dirty and their mouths full. After dinner we played games and puzzled over "bowling bubbles" and "iced dry". And of course the families complimented us on the house, how great it looked and this and that. I beamed. All in all, a good night. The house feels like a home. Today is Veteran's Day (Happy Veteran's Day). I woke up just a few minutes ago (it's now 9:45) and I think we'll all be a little sloth today. I've got pictures to shuffle through from PIR and then I'm off to Jackie's for a bit to help with Mackenzie and then back here to do a touch of homework. Cheers to a successful night and a breeze of a day. Carrie

Well I'm done panting for the week. My last deadline/appointment/meeting/interview ended a few hours ago. (Oh, I think it went well, thanks for asking). I hope it went well. I told my sister about it and I think she would have interviewed for it if she were, well, ten years younger. : D I've got a story to write for our broadcast Tuesday morning and I'm hoping to get my photo story completed tomorrow. I'm having difficulties with that. I'm a bit of a perfectionist with my photos. Ever since I showed Roy that pic I snagged of Carpenter being clobbered with his helmet flying in the air I think I've been nervous to hand in every photo since. It's frustrating because I know I can do better than what I come up with. It's a timing issue. It's what happens when you're doing too much at once--something I'm determined to avoid next semester. I had a couple of ideas for my photo story. I wanted to catch Aaron working in the costume shop, but he said they were between shows and weren't doing anything right now. I wanted to follow my dad and his crew working on a house or something, but I'd need a whole day to do and, to be honest, I'm not really sure he's all that busy right now. It's like every time I raise the camera, someone puts the lens cap back on it. Tomorrow is my last shot, I think. I'm going with my sister to the Nascar race by sheer luck - Walt backed out last minute so now she has an unused, very expensive ticket. We'll get to go down on the tarmac and everything so I imagine there will be a lot of great photo opportunities. Now wish I'd contacted Roy about getting that second body. Oh well. And if the race fails, I intended to go to Saguaro marching band's state tomorrow night. But, I'm on call at Wetseal and have no idea if I'll have to work until an hour before and, the marching competition will be at night, outdoors; not the best shooting set-up. I've got my camera charging and my 3gigs of memory card cleared, so I'm hoping tomorrow lends its self to some fantastic snapshots. Hey, maybe I'll snag an audio recorder and get some soundbites while I'm there -- never waste an opportunity! My story yesterday did not go as well as I had hoped. If I could, I'd like to go back and re-shoot some of it, but of course I can't. I think it can still be made into something good, but...well, I can't blame anyone but myself, I was the run running the shots. I just wish I had gone with Zang and hadn't felt rushed. Zang is my favorite photog at CBS. Not only is he really creative with his shooting, but he respects and assists me as an intern. I realize I'm inexperienced and perhaps wet behind the ears, but that's the purpose of these internships. Not to get water refills for Kent Dana. I think Zang would have been a big help in so many ways. You just don't realize how different broadcast reporting is than print. But oh well! I take what I can get and make the most of it! I'm very fortunate to have had the opportunity and now I have a lot to draw from the next time I go out. It's all on hold until Tuesday when I'll meet with Kari about it. The mysterious limp is solved. Joey, the pup with the most rotten luck I swear, has a torn ACL. I didn't even know dogs could do that. But apparently it's quite common and all it takes is a simple medical procedure to fix. The floppy-eared pup began limping last week. My heart immediately stopped when I noticed because Yorkies seem prone to illness and we've already had to put one down because of cancer when he was just six. So when I see one of the family pets out of sorts, I get nervous. We supposed it was just a sprain, in which case there's nothing we can do but let it heal its self. Kris suggested a scorpian sting, but I vetoed that on account that Joey was moving the leg, so it obviously wasn't numb. Then Helen, miss dog-know-it-all thought it might be a bug bite. She said dogs treat the itchiness of bug bites like a pain and won't use their leg if that's where the bite is. That seemed plausible. But no, it's a torn ACL. Probably from being plowed over by Pony. Blockhead. Alright, must get going. Cleaning to do and groceries to buy. Helen's coming over after work before we head over to Justin's and I promised I'd make my tired, over-worked friend some dinner. This will actually be the third time we'll have seen each other in a span of a week; it's amazing! Oh, yeah, one more thing. Travis was on the radio today. Well, he was talked about on the radio. He started bring free Jamba Juice (he's the manager there) to the morning crew on the Edge and apparently one of the personalities, Corey, has a crush on him. So I guess they talked about him for a while this morning. So if you ever hear them say "Jamba Travis", that's my roommate! He's a funny kid, always meets the most random people who manage to give him a leg-up (if he knew how to take advantage of it). I don't know how he does it. I just hope someday he'll run into someone who can really help him out. He's a good guy, even if the elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor...; p Carrie

When you're running from place to place, working from deadline to deadline, there's little time to stop and comprehend what the dozens of emails and conversations have amounted to. I might not had realized the immensity of it all if it all hadn't occurred in unison. I received an email the other day from my old supervisor at the Independent Newspapers. She's a light, bubbly character, the essence of "color" in a black and white business. Anyway, she was letting me know that they have an opening for a full-time news editor and that I was the first person she thought of. I was really flattered, and a bit surprised, but humbly turned her down on account of still finishing school. I didn't dare tell her that I have absolutely no intention of going into the newspaper business. At least, not the paper form of it. I'm a direct result of my generation's move to technology; a desire to have multi-media, and a desire to conserve. Besides, I had fun there and learned a lot, but I don't think the Independent and I are a good fit. I've also been dealing with an enormous hassle with the Cronkite School. I found out that for upper division internships they use an electronic system that you register with, post your resume, and sign up for interview slots with the companies they approve you for. They also misplaced some applications, so the information about registering on the system and signing up with the companies didn't get to me until about four days before the deadline. So, to make a long, long story short, I wasn't able to sign up with any of the companies I wanted. In fact, of the whopping three companies available to me, only one of them seemed interesting. So I signed up. A few hours later I got a very positive and encouraging email from the employer. On top of that, they raised their pay from minimum wage to $10/hr. This excites me for two very important reasons: 1, it's an internship, so regardless of the pay or company, it's valuable experience and an opportunity to obtain clips. 2, it pays more than I'm making now, which means I could kill two birds with one stone; have my internship and not have to work, which, in my chaotic life, would be superb. The internship is asking for a photographer and a writer, but it didn't say much about the photographer's role so I'm not sure what to think of it just yet. Regardless, I'm excited that it's another photo opportunity. My last one was at the newspaper and I've learned a tremendous amount about photography from my photojournalism class since then. Which reminds me, I really need to decide what I'm doing my photo story on... Tomorrow is also a very big day for me. I pitched an idea to CBS a few weeks ago and tomorrow I'm going to do the story. I have interviews set up and a photographer coming with me. AND, if the material is good, they will actually air the story. It won't be entirely mine, I'm sure someone will re-write it a bit and a reporter will do the voice over, but it's my idea and I'll still have something that I can put on a resume tape. Besides which, I have a personal connection to the story so I'm very excited and hope everything goes well! So it's a very busy week, as usual. I guess the good thing about busy weeks is that they tend to speed by. I'm looking forward to the weekend. I'm not working at Wetseal this weekend, except possibly Saturday night (I'm on call<--pain), so I'll finally have some time to do "whatever". All the fam is coming over Sunday evening for taco night and games. We haven't had game night in ages and it's also kind of our house warming party to show off our pad to our family. Most of them haven't been here since we moved in. And before everyone comes over, mom and I are going to do something together. Just the two of us. I really miss her. I'm not what you'd call a "momma's girl". I define girls like that as helpless twits who are used to mommy taking care of everything for them - cleaning their room, doing their laundry, cleaning up after them... I don't rely on my mom to follow me around and lay down pillows every time I'm about to fall or mop up messes I make. Mom and I have a very close, trusting relationship. She's the best friend I've always looked for in girls but never really found. I don't really miss living at home (although that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it and wouldn't move back!), but I miss spending time with my mom. She makes me funny. Really, she laughs at everything I say. I feel as comedic as Leno around her. She makes me feel important, and loved, respected, intelligent, confident...basically, she makes me feel like every parent should make their child feel. I'm really busy and my interaction with other people is usually with the same three people - my roommates. I'm looking forward to kidding around and having fresh discussions with my mom. Speaking of the house, it's shaping up quite nicely. The boys (mainly Kris) did some major work to our den this past weekend. They moved everything around, hung our three snowboards on the wall, hung the skim board, and with the other two black and white pictures we have up there the whole place looks pretty snazzy. It's a college den, but it's a nice looking college den. It's lively. We've got real street signs hanging adjacent in a corner of the wall. We've got my green neon cactus glowing on the bottom of our DVD shelves. We need curtains in there and a few other tchotchkees, but it looks a million times better than it did before. Alright well, it's getting late and I've got a full (synonym for busy) tomorrow. Wish me luck! Carrie "Reporting live, Carrie Caulfield, CBS 5 news."

Clearly keeping up with this thing has not been a top priority. I suppose it's typical during the school year. Too busy, and sometimes I think life is just too boring to describe every day. Well life certainly has been busy. Tomorrow is Halloween. This past weekend slipped by like pumpkin seeds from the strings. Saturday night Kris and I went to Mason's for a small party. I was DD and Kris got a little too excited about this and ended up sick. It was actually very funny. One moment he's sitting on a chair laughing and feeling fine, then all of a sudden I see his expression change and he knows in an instant he's in trouble. He didn't get sick, thankfully, but I did end up leaving him there because we couldn't get him in the car. And even if we could, I worried how I would get him out once we got home. So the next morning Mason drove him home and I bought bagels for everyone. It was a typical, learned-your-lesson experience. The next day we helped his whole family move a desk from his sister's house to another person's house out in Anthem. Kristen just got a new mini van and unfortunately hit a rake on the freeway and popped a tire. She just got the car Friday. So there was a big fiasco trying to put the spare on and get the tire fixed and then get the desk out. I told Kris on the way out to the other house about how I was noting the differences between our families. If there was something wrong with a car, I call my dad. My sister would probably call AAA or someone like that. If something needed to be moved, we'd all call dad and have "his boys" do it. Versus the entire family and baby doing the job. The things we take for granted. I haven't been home in a long time. I stopped by about three weeks ago, but that doesn't count. I kind of miss it. Not for the walls or the floors or the chotchkees, but for the full experience of a Sunday afternoon. Family over, doors open, music or the game on, good food... Hm, I'm at Jackie's and it sounds like the baby girl is stirring. Better go get her. I'll be back again, soon, I hope. Carrie

Barack Obama, senator of Ill. and presidential hopeful came to ASU on Friday. I dragged my tired ass out of bed at 7:30 to bike to campus with Kris (who had regrettably agreed to come withe me.) Got there nice and early, snagged a good spot in line to be among the first admitted onto Hayden Lawn where the rally would take place about two hours later. I took some pictures, got a few quick interviews for sound bites for a radio package, and then finally the gates opened and they let us on the lawn. We hustled and got a spot right up front. Armed with my 200mm, I got great close-ups of Obama as he excited the crowd with messages of changing congress, providing health care for all Americans, making college affordable, bringing the troops home form Iraq, and a plethora of other horrible things that Americans are itching to see fixed. It was all very exciting. I felt so privileged to be there, to be listening to this great man speak. He's eloquent and honest sounding. I say honest "sounding" because you never really know how honest a politician is, but he's convincing. He's the ideal for many of my generation. He speaks to us the way we want to be spoken to; respected, understood, and hopeful. We want to see the world change for the better and he wants to be the one to begin the process. I think I will always remember standing on that lawn, sweating and clicking away at my camera while being shaded by a blue campaign sign hearing that venerated black man dissipate all our age-old disputes in a single speech of hope and promises. Promises we can believe in.

Summer finally broke and dissolved into cool days and just barely chilly nights. It's open window season, the brief time of the year when we can open up the windows and doors and let the fresh air in to give our tired air conditioning units a rest. It's really lovely. Comfortable everywhere you go. I'm sitting on the couch right now, the screen door just to my left with the night air singing with crickets. Aside from the constant busyness, things have been tooting along quite nicely lately. Saturday I took pictures at the football game. Yesterday I met with Jackie and finally got my birthday bike - I love it, by the way. It's silver and purply-blue and I got a big double-basket that sandwiches the back tire. Nice place for all my loot. It felt so good riding to and from school today. I was so tired of taking that smelly old bus. I always worried I was going to miss it or it would be too full in the morning. Spoke to a photo pro in my journalism class tonight. RD was absent, so he was filling in. My buddy Kimberly and I didn't mind. Everyone else had left and we were still chatting with him, making sense of the basic skills that hadn't quite sunken in during the day and a half we breezed through them at the beginning of the semester. I've got a card from a guy who shoots for the Trib who's willing to arrange a day to shadow a photographer. I'll definitely be giving him a call. Photography is a real challenging thing and I feel like I have little break-throughs that advance my skill. Talking with him tonight has definitely put some new concepts and ideas into my head. And, he said I have an eye for it. Which is always wonderful to hear, especially from different people. Reinforces it. Bodes confidence. The eye is the hardest part. Anyone can learn the technique, but you can't teach someone how to see. That's what he said. I'd write more but it's late and I've got to dry my hair and get to bed. Early day tomorrow. Long day tomorrow. Tuesdays and Thursdays are always long. I'm out with a reporter tomorrow and I hope we get something exciting. : D Carrie

I am exhausted. I just got home from shooting at ASU's football game. That is such an awesome experience. You feel so important with your media badge. Access to the press room upstairs with free food and refreshments, you walk along the sidelines of the game, get within inches of players, and there really is something empowering when you're holding that camera and zoom lens in your hand. It's the second time I've been able to experience it, but it almost didn't happen. I was scheduled to work tonight and fought all week to get someone to cover it. No one at our store could. So I called another store and a girl volunteered - yay! Right when I thought I was out of options. Well, today I got a call at 4. The girl didn't show up, can you come in? No, damnit, I can't come in. I'm BOOKED! Stress, stress, but there was no way in hell I was missing the game for a part-time job selling cheap clothes. An hour later, the girl showed up. Relieved, I left happily for the game. This semester continues to become more and more challenging. Some days I think I've got it all under control. Other days I feel like my world is caving in on me. This whole week has been a string of those days. Work, work, work. Homework, job, internship, project, event. I know I won't be shutting my eyes for good until about midnight. I have to get up at about 6ish to cover a "Crow Protest" tomorrow morning from 7-9 that may or may not be happening. I just found out about it today on a website and no one's responded yet to my email about it. So I guess I'll find out. But I have to go to it because I have a radio package due Tuesday morning for my broadcasting class. It's our first on-air news show. I cover the political beat. Then I have work 11-6. The whole day, gone. And sometime, somehow, I have to: Read two chapters in my photojournalism book for a quiz on Monday, listen to an entire unit of my online jazz class in preparation for an exam on Thursday and write an internship report due Tuesday. Monday I'll be editing my news package. It's a busy weekend. Nothing out of the norm. Efficiency is key. The good news is I think I'm out of the green slump, my pictures lately have been really good, and there really isn't a day I dread facing. I love seeing Mackenzie every day, I'm really liking my internship now because I'm going out on stories, and even my classes are getting better, not that I complained much about them before. Really, my only nemesis is Time. Time to go. Need Time to regenerate my batteries. Until next Time... Carrie PS - Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad!