I'm predicting that this will be my last entry, as Facebook has now entered my life and we are much happier together.

I'm home. so much has changed.

It seems wierd to me that someone would advertise how they're feeling in an online blog.

who put philly on my fruitspread?

lovesick my ass.

so, I had my senior pictures today. And the teenagers that accompanied me in the waiting room were less than tolerable. I find that I've become accustomed to judging too quickly: but let me just say in my defense that I'll stop judging people when they stop proving me right. and now I'm off to peet's with fe and chelsea. Jon, are you working today?

Fuck elitism. Stop preaching about living life to the fullest. Am I questioning the ability of a person who succumbs to the weakness of teenagedom to appreciate life? A person who smokes and drinks because it places them on a tobacco-stained, alcohol-sloshed pedestal? You bet I am. Stop telling me how to live my life. Because when you die, you’ll only remember about half of yours. So go ahead and drink from your cherry red plastic cup. But stop the lies, stop the false pretenses, stop acting like you’re above the whole god damn world. Because when it comes down to it, I’m the one who’ll get ahead, while you still live off of your parents dime. And we’ll see who wins the race. And that’ll show everyone who thinks you’re better than I am. A GPA won’t save you in the long run, sweetheart.

Jon I have a song for you. It's from that one car commercial.

I really shouldn't let trivial things get to me. And I really should stop assuming the worst. but what if it's true?

holy shit. Life snuck up on me.

I don't know if I believe in God anymore. Actually, I don't know if I ever did. I don't know if there's some master plan. I don't know if there's actually such a thing as karma. I don't know if things happen for a reason. I don't know if there's someone watching out for us. I don't know if there's a heaven. I don't know if there's a hell. I don't know why any of us or anything at all is here. I don't know if time is just a man made concept. I don't know why we do the things we do. And I don't know where to begin to think about all of this. Because you really can't come up with an actual answer. You can always come to terms with and appreciate things, but you can never have a straight out answer. Maybe that's just how it's supposed to be. I guess I'm somewhat scared that I have all of these hopes and dreams, but I'm never going to get around to them. Yeah, I'm working and saving up for a trip to England, but what happens if I never actually do it? God I'm scared.

things change.

fe bird, all you have to do is click the "# comments" button and then at the top you can click "previous entry: blah blah." and that will take you back. I don't know why the regular "back" button isn't working but there is a way to do it.

I really want to be alone right now. The problem is not me. The problem is with fucking teachers on a power trip. I used to think that the problem had to be my fault...because there was no way THAT many teachers at foothill were bitches. Guess again. Next year is going to be hell. but then I'm out. And then I can rub it in their faces. God, I just need to keep that in mind. That I'm going to come back a healthy, traveled, mature, intelligent, happy woman. And they had NOTHING to do with it. Sweet, sweet revenge.

sometimes all it takes is a little courage. and when that fails hope to god that the other person has a little courage in them, too.

I really hate how people view sex. In general. It's about the hormones, about the thrill, about being able to say that you've done it with "so and so." It's about wanting to keep the guy and you think sex is going to make him stay. Is that all you think you have to offer? A few minutes of pleasure? FUCK that. To hell with girls who are stupid and self concious and stay with the guy because they think that's all they have going for them. To hell with excuses. To hell with "well...maybe he's changed" or "he's really not like that, he just probably had a bad day." FUCK that.

the perfect prom dress for next year:

a piece of my past.....good old sophomore year: break-up time! I've gotten out of him what I wanted and I've had my appetite satiated for the time being. So really, there's no further use in continuing on. I realize to anyone reading this I will sound incredibly, well, bitchy and narcissistic, but I entered into this relationship with the notion to have fun, not to be serious. I’ve come to the conclusion that the specific qualities I’m looking for in a man cannot and will not be found while I’m still in high school, and so there’s no point in waiting for something that’s not going to come my way for another five, ten, fifteen years. So why not go out and have fun and learn about relationships for the time being, instead of solely looking for something serious? If the ‘seriousness’ had happened with him, than that would have been fine, but my main goal in entering a relationship at this stage is not to look for something that’s going to last for years, or even A year. And, so what? The 'seriousness' DIDN'T happen this time. And, really, there's nothing wrong with that. I suppose the only difficult thing will be the actual action of breaking up… the “meeting,” the “we need to talk”, the questions and explanations and the stress of telling white lies for sympathy’s sake….bleh.

hahaha. chelsea, you're snoring. I walked into your room with full intentions of waking you up, but once I got a glance at that open mouthed, noise-making face of yours I just had to let you sleep! you're the only person I know that is still beautiful with drool running down their face.

oh god. I'm back and I survived. I survived an almost plane crash, an attack from wild cows, and wierd stares from people with bad teeth. jesus christ it was fun.