people! i guess i dont like nikki i just think shes niceand really hot! i dont even know why i said that i like her i did but i dont now! i realized that i dont just like ashley i love her and i swear to god i do!!!!!! i miss her sooo much and she told me that she likes cole alot and i told her straight up that i like her soooooooooooooooo much and she dint really care. she keeps tellin me that she thinks cole doesnt like her and every mornin durin school she says jake wheres cole and i say upstairs! i wish i could show her how much she meant to me but hey i blew it and prolly wont ever get antoehr chance and i hate myself for doin all the things i did. today i thought bout all the things i use to do like huff and all the stupid things like that. even tho i sometimes wish i would of actually killed myself while doin that stuff! i wanna go back out with ashley sooooooooo bad and got soo mad at myself when she told me why she broke up with me! now i know that im dumb and fucked up. i wish i could make ashley like me again. and today online i told her i use to do alot of bad stuff and she got soooooooo mad i felt soooo bad but hey i wantewd her to know the real me i guess, cause there is sooo many people in just one person, u know that? i found that out the hard way!