well back in use. but for a different reason. ok. i'm not gonna explain anything. ok. so i'm good with the whole thing. conversations are more or less the same. maybe better even. tensions are lower. lying less. feels good. don't know what's going on really. friends? going out? dosen't matter. we decided that. we both care about each other. that's all that matters. makes sense. the only thing that hurts is the end of conversations. they're the only thing that's changed. no more "I love you". that hurts. i don't know if he still loves me. and i really want to know that. i know i still love him. what he said about a week ago is "i love you, but is it really love?" or something like that. i don't know what that means. does he mean that he dosen't but wants to? or does but dosen't want to? i don't know. that's the only thing that's causing me any hurt in this at all. besides from the leaving-for-college-not-coming-back thing. but i'm used to that idea now i think. i want him so bad. i want to hug him and kiss him and just have him there. that's the other thing that's causing hurt. but i'm used to that too. i just want to know if he loves me still. i want to tell him i love him. but if he dosen't say it back, it'll hurt more then me not saying it at all. so i'm not going to. but overall, things are good. i think i like it like this. i think.