wow im awesome everyone! thanks for asking i have finally met the man of my dreams!!!! hes gorgeous, nice, and fucking great in bed but most importantly he makes me feel gorgeous i love him with all my heart wow! i mean yeah hes 6 years older but that doesnt matter imma marry him and i know it.wish us luck

Ok im bored and its been a long time so myt birthday is tomorrow and it shall be interessting i unno the big 1-6 eh? well hmm i unno....ill rigth bout it later

kay well hmmm today was interesting, i met a new guy...zack...its weird cuz i spent these last couple of days coplaining bout dylan and now theres zack. I mean we arent going to date or anything but he asked for my number and gave me his and for some reason i feel better i think all i had to do was move on in the guy world...i mean i still care bout dylan sooo much but i was wasting my time wanting him back i know i was cuz he doesnt want me and so now ive moved on....kk well not really im still confussed do i call this guy or wait till he calls me and if he does and wants to go somewhere do i go or wait aroiound for the guy i care about the most right now, for me to realize what ive known all along...he doesnt want me...thats just obvious...the problem is im still hopin and wishin he will one day change his mind and im kinda hopin zack wont call...that would make it so much easier.... wow my hole intent on writing about not wanting dylan has just changed back to me wanting him!

suprisingly im upbeat and im not to sure why. i mean with all that im feeling latly about and toward dylan im super suprised im feeling so happy....cuz right now im smiling...man its been awhile lol and like i said yesterday id be hating him today, kay so maybe im not exactly hating him but i am not wanting him back...thats fer sure....lol but i do know that will change tommorrow if not later on today...why is it he has such a hold on me? when he doesnt even give a fuck?....whatever so i went to the park today with my beautiful ccuzins lol it was alright....haha the most fun ive had since andrea was over lol....fuck i work so much next week i work friday saturday sunday monday tuesday all 3-11 wohooo....oh wells thatll keep my mind off of dylan hopefully...peyce

see this writing in a diary was a bad idea because now it just got me thinking about him, thinking about him and wanting him. you see, i go through weird phases through the days. Phases where i feel like im glad i broke up wiht him cuz if i hadnt id be stuck in a dead end relationship with someone who doesnt truly care about me like i did for him, but then theres that other phase the one where i feel like crying because i want him back NOW! no one gets it whenever i'll tell andrea or josie or fer that matter anyone they always say what are u talking about he treated u like shyt he was an asshole blah blah blah. the truth of the matter is i dont care i really dont care. what i do care about were those time when he was treating me good and acting like he cared, and maybe it was acting and he really didnt care but i still dont care if that was the matter becase the way he acted then he could of fooled god himself. i miss him now and i will prolly hate him tomorrow...but i cant keep going like this its been two weeks tomorrow and its getting easier but my feelings arent changing and i dont know what to do. one minute i fuckin hate him the next i love him whats a gurl to do when shes still carin so much bout her ex who cared so little about her?...anyone?....

life is so fucked up man and im writing it all in here cuz u know this will somehow help me. . .i want him back but i dont. . . they tell me that i can do better and that he cant get any better then me than why is it if i can do better that i want him? and if he cant get any better then why doesnt he want me?

Well, this is strange I have only ever had a diary once in my life. That of course was what, like 10 years ago. This is going to be strange having everyone being able to read my thoughts but oh well. This is just something to do... Kay well today was just like any other day in this summer holiday thing we are given for attenting school fer like what 9 months? well whatever it was boring, the only different thing this week is that im at my aunts and uncles cuz my parents decided to go away or what not so whatever. fuck so ive decided with all this shit with dylan, im just gonna let it blow over...i dont give a fuck anymore about how shitty he treated me or anything because now that i told our friends about his shitty attittude towards me he starts up with all this i told him i found better shit! which i would like to clear up right now!...i texted him and said i met a nice guy who was perfectly good looking who was asking me fer my number and shyt but i couldnt do anything with him(like give him my number) cuz i felt to bad like i was doing dylan wrong or something and cuz i still want him back. i unno i did end up giving it too him but i still havent done shyt all with him he called me like 20 times and even after andrea basically told him to fuck off hes still callen but there u fucking go thjats what i said...not once did i say id found better....didnt that kinda mean he was better...but whatever fuck. sometimes i just wanna take back that i broke up with him but then again hed prolly still be treating me like shyt and i just couldnt take it i cried all the time. i trusted him with alot of shyt and cared about him so much then when we break up he pulls this "i didnt give a shyt anyways thing" i dont know i like to think that i didnt waste my time and it was a "learning expierence" as my bro would say but when he said that he really hurt me. So i dotn know i could of or couldnt of wasted my time all i really know is im done with the fighting and shyt dylans a good guy just wasnt all that great of a boyfriend. well its been almost two weeks since our break up and i want him to know that im over all the drama and shyt that came with the break up! Now just to figure out a way to tell someone i care so fucking much about that i still wanna be friends after a pretty hectic breakup...