Here is a letter I have written...that shall be delivered later on today: "You always told me a penny for my thoughts, so now I'm going to give them to you. THis is not meant to make you feel bad or anything like that. It is just somethings that I think you should have known, but didn't. I guess your parents are right and I am just a stupid little girl. BUt I do know what I want out of life, even though it had been pulled away from me. I guess I will just have to get over it. These things I'm about to tell you are why I don't show people my "girl side". That side of me is an emotional wreck with a lot of problems. Even if all of this sounds stupid, or childish, I don't care, these are my true feelings and you can't get any deeper than that. *Everywhere it says "I should have said" is not an after thought, it is what I was thinking at the time. Here Goes: Remember when: You asked me how long I had liked you for, I said I didn't know. I should have said about three months. You asked me why I was dating you. I told you because you were sweet, you could make me laugh and you were a good guy. I should have said because now that I have you, I don't want you to ever go. When you asked me what I was thinking the night of our first date, when we were in my room, I told you the truth. I was thinking about one of my friends who had died exactly one month before. I asked you what you were thinking, you talked about my lip ring. I never answered you because I was playing hard to get because I was afraid of falling to fast and haveing everything moved out from under me and hitting the pavement hard. The first time I ever saw a shooting star was with you. The only time I ever saw them was with you. I haven't seen one since. I have looked and stared at the sky for hours looking. You asked me if you make my knees go weak. I said no I just lost my balance. I should have said YES! In fact you turn them into jello. You said the who ever you ended up with you would one day have to marry. I told you I would never get married. I should have said, I never even thought of getting married until I was with you. I thought the idea was grand. You said one day you would want another kid. I told you I never wanted kids. I should have told you the idea of finding someone and having kids with them, and then them leaving me, scared me. But I thought that with you, if it ever happened it would work, you didn't scare me, I didn't think you would leave. When I always said I was going to chop off my hair. I said it because I loved the look on your face when you protested the fact. I wasn't going to cut it off, just because you asked. When you asked me if Rikki would be pissed if I moved out, I told you no, she would probably just cry, I left out the part that I thought the idea was wonderful. You always said you were sorry for playing instruments while I was there. I didn't care. I love to watch you play. You asked me if I saw you staring at me that night in the White Elephant, I said yes, but I was hoping you would have said or done something more. When I asked you what you were going to do if Vanessa didn't change, you said leave her. I was hoping you would say come back to me. You always said you were sorry for bringing Ethan over. I wish you would never say that to anyone. You should never have to say sorry to anyone for having him with you. And know that I care for Ethan just like I would Eve, TIna, or Andrew. I care for them like I would my own children, the same goes for Ethan. You told me I was an "awesome woman", well why can I only find people who want to date me for a month or mess around with me?" I will finish the rest later.