I'm not even sure what I want to say here. I'm just going to let it flow, straight from my mind to my fingertips. No holding back. So here it goes. I'm so disappointed in myself. I just want to crawl into a hole and curl up and never ever come out again. Ever. Sometimes I think the world would be better that way. You know.. without me around, screwing up people's lives and just getting in the way. I feel like no matter what I do, or how hard I try, it is never enough, it is never good enough. Does anyone else ever get that feeling? I'm starting to feel alone in every aspect of the word. I don't have anyone to care for me. No boyfriend- I messed that up. I keep pushing people away, even when it's what I want to do the least. I can't allow myself to get close to people, and it's killing me. All my close friends are there, sure, but as awful as this sounds, I feel like they're not *really* there sometimes, you know? Like I can only depend on them so much. The only person I feel like I can really trust is myself, and I'm not even sure I know her very well. I can't depend on anyone else. My family expects so much out of me, and I'm constantly letting them down, or so I feel. If they knew half of the things I'm going through, they'd understand, but I can't tell them about all of that because..well, I just can't. I can only let them in so much. Does that make sense? Anyone out there who stumbles across this.. please comment. Say something. Anything. As long as it's real. I need to know that there are people out there. People who can relate on some level, even if I don't know them. Please. Comment. I'm so afraid of being completely alone in the world. I wish I didn't feel like I have to be. [qb]