hello whoever. its 346 am. i just need someone. anyone. i dont know what to say. i dont know if i am allowed to feel. am i allowed to feel? i love you. do you love me? it is so scary to think that each and everyday. to share. i hurt. but i need to be strong. if not who will be? should i turn my head. should i leave? where would i go? to my moms? no. to the streets? maybe. maybe my heart wouldnt hurt near as bad. who knows? this is all i have ever known. this is all i have ever wanted to know. to share. i dont understand? does anyone really ever understand? can you ever know a person as much as you think you do? or no? is it all an illusion? who knows? i just want to be happy. i mean i am happy. arent i? moving so far away. feeling so alone. i am not alone. or am i? i feel alone? i love you. i know. do u love me? i dont know?

Well hi everyone its been awhile i guess i havent really felt up to updating. For all of you who do not know i am having a boy his name is gabriel anthony levi martin btw ithelost is the father. i think we will have a really pretty baby we were both pretty chubby hahah but i grew out of it what happened to you nathan? hahah... im funny. i am due march 12, 2006. i am starting to show its funny because people that i do not know come up and fell on my tummy and i am like go the fuck away bitches... haha im not hormonal... all the time right.... NATHAN WILL BE HOME SOMETIME NEXT WEEK. woot i need some good lovin its been almost 2 months since i have seen him wow. i cant wait.. he cant wait. thanksgiving is soon i love food especially the desserts oh so yummy. i have so much candy... im gonna gain 500 pounds hahha ya im funny bye guys... please comment me more!

the world doesnt know what its like to be a teen mom. 1st i get looked down on because i am pregnant then i tell the world i want an adoption because its to late to have an abortion but thats the wrong thing to do to. what the fuck no one understands. no one understands that all i want to do i s finish high school go to college get a job have money and a house then raise kids i dont want to raise a kid now not with all the shot im going through not with me being as bipolar as i am i am way to immature for this i will prob forget to feed it for 2 weeks because im to worried about myself but yea no one looks at it that way. i hate being pregnant it hurts ur fat yea theres nothing good about it. oh and nate oh hes a happy little camper everything is fine and dandy with him because hes thousands of miles away and doesnt have to deal with the things that i have to. and then he gets mad when i complain. am i such a rotten person for wanting MY kid to have a better likfe to have a mom who cares who has money who will give it the best life it can have? am i? why do i always have to please everyone else and not myself it soesnt matter does it? bye everyone enjoy being kids its over for me! i am about to leave and go to dazmons candlelight vigil and fell even worse. i miss him. -alisha

Today when i got to school everyone was upset and crying and of course i am wondering why. Well to find out one of our star athletes was shot last night and died almost instantly. I can barely bring myself to say that. Its hard to believe he was such an awesome person a person you expected to see everyday. One of my really great friends santressa was really tore up. I have never seen anyone as upset as i saw her and i was taking care of her. It hurt the most knowing how it affected everyone is such a way. Everything was quiet extremely quiet. I am really mixed emotioned right now because i am extremely upset about him but i am also extremly happy my baby brother was born yesterday morning around 6:50 hes so pretty i would put a pic up but dont know how lol. I love him. He will be an uncle in 5 months i think that is pretty funny. I am also really upset because i am not handling nathan being gone very well. I have barely slept since he left and it hurts not being there to be there for each other ya know. He will be home soon. The baby and I need him very much! Goodbye everyone! You will always be in our hearts my dear D.A. R.I.P. Dazmon Anderson D.A. -alisha

IM HAVING A BABY. ya its finally hit me its for real im happy thats all i can say. deal with it everyone else.

I CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL WEDNESDAY AUGUST 3RD!!!! Nate and I are going to warped tour!! Then i am going to this thingy and I am going to see one of the greatest people in the whole entire world NIK!!!! I HEART HIM SO SO SO MUCHES!!!! Then school starts so yes the next freaking two weeks are going to rock something great. OH ya did i mention nate and I are staying with my best friend alex!!! ×WHATEVER HAPPENS IN ATL STAYS IN ATL× :) Yes i know im funny. I miss everyone from school but i will see them soon. SOMEONE help me with my impatientness i really need the 2nd to be tommorrow!!! hehehe righttttt... alisha... OMG im getting a schoolgirl skirt im sure you all wanted to know well goodbye for now!!!

here it is 4:56 in the damn morning and i havent slept a wink... not even once.. i hate being an insomniac and all i want to do is sleep but i guess the sheep are broken... all i can do is vent right now about all the bad things in life nad maybe some happier ones in a while.... well i havent heard from my dad in a while... one of my really good friends uncle hung his self in jail... i miss everyone from school (jenny, chelsea, ashwee... etc...,) no one reads or comments on my diary anymore... AND MOST OF ALL I WANT TO SLEEP... CURL UP INTO A BALL... AND SLEEP... i called nates house 10 minutes ago and his mom answered so i hung up damn me i need someone o talk to but everyone is damn smart and are sleeping.... i have sucha busy day to start in a few hours but sleep is so far away... happy things nate and i great... he loves me hehe... oh yea another bad thing my best friend in the whole entire world lives in atlanta but i will see her soon... i miss her voice and her everyting we are so much alike its funny.... I MISS YOU MY ALEX! what else hmmm... im going to warped tour anyone who wants to go... call nate or i and give a little towards gas money and pays for their tickets can join us:) thats also a good thing... we are debating between ozzfest and warped tour i think i want warped tour but whatever....well i guess thats all! xoxo ×eerleesha×

I FEEL CHEESY!!!!!!!! hi all once again i am sitting here with the love of my life!!!!!! and watching american idol. IF BO DOESNT WIN I WILL DIE!!!!!!! BO WIN BO WIN!!!!!!!! hehe nothing much but i got a somewhat job and i love it.... i babysit my 2 little cousins who are 15 months and 3 years... the little one is a sweetheart but the other is a spoiled brat but ill live.... nate cant come over while shes over because she is afraid of him... she told me when she gets bigger she will play with nat... it was so cute.... they are drawing ai out and they need to hurry up and tell me bo won.... hehhehehehe i m in love and its not you NATE!!!!!!!! heehehhe just kidding nate knows damn well i love him with all my heart and always will and i know he feels the same way... SUMMERS here... so i have the whole summer to be with nate, sleep, and babysit!!!!! YAYYYYY!!! well im outtie! ×eerleesha×

hi all....................... back but not for long im just sitting here watching law and order svu.... im bored... honers night tomorrow... gahhh......... i need comments this weekend should be fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! every1 leave comments longer update later much love lovelys!

http://www.partypics.com/ver2/ViewImage.aspx?OrderNo=26084579&Roll=00002&Frame=0257 REMIND MARY TO GO ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my life is upsidedown i dont know what is going on that would be why i havent updated in a while but anyways im back... so one of my best friends ever was in a wreck but hes ok but the girl that was with him which is one of my aquantances(sp?) shes not so good shes in the hospital... but anyways everything been suitable i guess u could sayh except for the fact of petty arguments i hate them so much..... rawr.... well i gotta go! ×eer×lee×sha×

well i have a sinus cold and it really really sucks.... but nate makes it better every second that i am with him!!! hmmm lets see... friday is aprils fools day and i would like to fool some people anyone have any ideas???? spring break is in about two days... nate and i might go to atlanta to stay with brittany im not sure yet... i really dont know what to talk about because nothing has really went on.... oh last saturday i staye the night with my friend samn and his 3 roomates (that are guys) plus my boyfriends... let me tell you was i sleep deprived... but it was fun who would have known that all those boys could be so fun and also funny.... then i went home and the easter bunny had come i still have a 1 lb chocolate bunny rabbit... haha... yummmy... well im outtie!!!!!!!!!

hi all! umm lets see not much has went on... i got my haircut it is now to my chin and i suppose nate likes it.. he says he does... umm i went on a damn lame field trip this morning and i am tired and ashley is making me update and i dont wanna....today is me and nate's 6 month anniversary so that should be fun... well maybe i dont know goddddddddddddd i need some nicotine..im frustrated i hate being a girl.... goodbye!!!! ×eerleesha

ashley makes me randy with her vibrating phone.... nice to know right tonight is going to be so much fun... im going to my nate's we havent really had any alone time in a long while... hmm... lets see not that much has went on except i get NO comments anymore... which really sucks.. ive been thinking about spring break... i want so much to spend it with nate... that would rock majorly... im going to lunch in less than an hour and im having mcdonalds... mcy'ds = YUMMY so me and one of my great friends got into a fight... diasagreement thingy its stupid but i still love her lots!!! well im outtie! much love, ×eerleesha

fuck it i deleted it

hello all... this weekend has been absolutely insane... ross came down from atlanta on friday and so much went on that i can not explain... not that i would want to kind of one of those too much information things lol.... then saturdayh i went to my little brothers birthday which rocked something crazy we spent about 125 dollars on him he turned 10 then i went back to my house and nate was there it was my little cousins birthday so i took a nap and he just chilled and was on the net and such... then we watched movies and talked to chelsea on the phone... sunday i went over to nate we just chilled then around 7 we got into a huge fight but we apoligized and are happier than anything ever ever ever... well im outtie for now!!!!!!!!!! ×eerleesha

HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY HEATHER!!!!!!!

hello all.. well you are all probably wondering about my title.... right? well nate has a habit of calling me his baby and im all like im not a baby... its quite funny... i get to see him in about 30 or so mins so that makes me happy... i cant wait till tommorrow to go watch movies with him... always fun fun... march 12, i am going to battle of the bands in atlanta... with nate... and ross (my x) which will be a lot of fun... ross and i are good friends and nate him will be... i think... lets see not much has went on... unfortunately... my life is boring... except when im with nate... but lets not go into detail about that haha... lol well im out!!!!!!! ×eerleesha

im sick... sick in the head.. everything i have i dont want because i am screwed up in so many ways than one... i often sit and ponder do i want you to love me the way i love you... or so i not need that??? maybe i do maybe i dont... i love you thats true and always will be... but i cant get it through my very very sick head... my brain is screwed as am i... i dont deserve you... yes indeed i need you but i do not want you... i dont want to put you through what you have to go through to be with me... i never want you to hurt like i hurt or feel the pain that i feel and have felt in the past... i want you but you need more... you need to feel perfect... and in love... love that i am unable to give.. -eerleesha

heylo all... whats been going on i havent updated in a while... my gosh i really have to pee... haha... tmi right?? well nate and i have been together for 5 months and 1 day which is great... i honestly do love with all my heart... and i do believe i always will.. hehe... umm i get to go and see him in about 3 or 4 minutes... hehe and hug hug hug him.. i sure do love his hugs and kisses and well u get the point im going over there after school today which is always fun... i am really really like extremely tired so i do believe i will go to sleep... haha... well i guess im going to go before the bell rings... love you all!!! ×eerleesha×