I can't sleep. I called Christopher...For some reason today I just don't want to talk to Jessica. Not that I'll be able to really talk to her 'cause she never has time to sit and talk, and whenever we talk she's always surrounded by a bunch of people and doesn't really listen to what I say. So I called Christopher...And talked for about twenty minutes. It was pretty good. We talked abotu him deploying a little bit, he tried to make me not worry. He said tha tthere is no reason to worry, and he kinda has a point. He is very good at what he does. Him adn I are so good together, and when he talks to me like that and it makes me feel like he's right there in front of me holding my hands making me look at him as he tells me this, trying to take away all my worry...It's hard. I love Jessica, I really do, adn I want to be with her forever and always...But I know it's not going to happen. I guess part of me is just waiting for her to fuck it up. Ehich in't good, and I really don't know what the hell I'm going ot do when she does, if she does, but...I DON'T KNOW!!! I'm just so confused about everything tonight, and I know that tomorrow it won't be so bad, but for now...I don't feel right feeling the way I do.