i am standing in a train station, but everyone else i know has already left. i'm standing right on the freaking plateau, still waiting for something, god only knows what. why has everyone else found something? that's the only way i can describe things, my life mostly, at the moment, the decisions i have to make soon. i have so much to explain about things i love. i feel so embarrassed when i can never find the right words, the smart words. do i stand alone on this one? my job bites the big one, but what kind of job in your coming-of-age years doesn't? i have met some really great people. one reason not to leave. where did we draw the line at leaving the beautiful world through a child's eyes behind and becoming a bitter adult? one who has lost all sense of imagination. my wall is so empty and i lie in my bed staring at my window, coming up with solutions to my problems that could never work in the real world and which i'll probably forget by morning. i don't even dream anymore.