My ex in DC is considering staying there when he's done in the army and it's driving me crazy. I've hated him being so far away for as long as he has been. When I found out that he was considering it, I basically told him to fuck off because staying close for this long has been a bitch, and I know that once he's out of the army, sure he'll have more time to visit the people he left behind, but he won't be able to afford to do it and I can't afford to go see him. I don't know if I can handle a life without him in it anymore, I've become so used to having him. But what bothers me most about him staying is the small detail that he didn't mention it until he found out I was dating an old friend of his, then suddenly he becomes this different person towards me. He didn't react this way with my last boyfriend, why is this one different? I don't get it. He doesn't even have the right to react like this considering he has another girlfriend in DC, who he claims to be happy with, yet though he's still married to a girl here. He's said before that he doesn't want to make any life changing final decisions because he's terrified of ending up alone. But he's also claimed for the longest time that I'm the one that holds his leash, the one he'd do anything for and now wants nothing to do with me. What's wrong with this picture? I won't pretend to have any clue as to what his relationships with his wife and new girlfriend or anyone else are, but if I have to choose between him and my boyfriend, then he should have to choose between all those girls he claims to care about. I didn't want him to go to the army in the first place, but he did. He said I could end his marriage with one simple word, but I refused, I did enough damage to that by continuing my relationship with him after I found out he was still married, especially after he moved back in with her the day he was supposed to come see me. But that's in the past and I can't change anything that happened, so oh well. All I know is that I love both him and my boyfriend very much and they both know that, I don't want a life without either of them in it, but apparently that's the way it has to be. I know that I won't be happy if I end up losing either one of them, but oh well apparently my inner child is 10 years old, so I should be allowed to act as such every now and then. Last I checked it drove them both nuts because I love them both to death. They know I won't move to DC with him, I'm not even willing to consider it, but I do want to visit him there at some point, though it seems I'm not going to get that chance anymore since I was "tainted by prying hands" and seem to no longer be welcome in his life, but as much as it seems I hate to admit that it's not my life, it's his and I guess that I'll have to come to accept that I may truly no longer be welcome in it. Why the hell am I no longer welcome in it anymore? What makes this relationship so different from those I've had in the past and the ones that he's had since he met me? He's never successfully shut himself off to me before, what makes now so special? I hate this. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to be selfish and refuse to let him go. I don't know what to do anymore. At least my boyfriend lives close by (all things considered) and I love him very much, so no matter what my ex decides is best for him, I won't be alone and for the most part I'll be happy and at times content as I've needed to be for so very very long. Just please don't let me lose anyone for good, I don't know if I'd be able to handle that and I don't want to break completely.