laallalal new entry lalalallaa

I LOVE YOU MEGAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **infinity**

I'm kinda freaked out right now. Everything seemed like it was going all right then all of a sudden things hit me one after another. For one, Dad might be going to jail for a year or more than that and I don't know if I could handle that. and it's so STUPID he had like 6 beers that night and the last time he was arrested and that's not enough to make him drunk at all. And hte first time he had a nail shot thorugh his knee so of course he couldn't walk the line adn this time he had thick heavy work boots on a crooked line. IT sounds like excuses but idk, it just seems so unfair....especially considering he was 3 minutes from his house, literally, BOTH times. It's kinda like fuck. And mom is going on a rampage about dad and linda and scott and asking caitlin and I really unfair questions that she will get pissed if she answers so IDK why she asks them. Just looking for comfort which is bull shit cuz she is NOT getting any from me. "Who loves me more, your Dad of Scott?" "No idea mom" "YOUR DAD! Who loves your dad more, me or Linda?" "...." "ME! nobody will EVER love him more than me" etc etc etc for a long time. Adn of course Caitlin never really had to answer any of these questions before so its left to me. Why I bother when she's drunk off her ass and own't remember anything in the mornign is beyond me. And I don't understand why I have to sit there and watch her cry and sputter and humiliate herself in front of scott and caitlin when scott was teh one who cheated on her, not the rest of the family. And she wanted me to wait and have Derek come to the door in the midst of all that??? HELL NO! And as it turned out I couldn't even enjoy the evening because I got majorly sick all of a sudden at one point and all I could do all night was feel guilty for leaving Caitlin at home with those shit heads all evening.... **REally quick cuz it just happened and I'm going to scream, I HATE SCOTT'S EVIL VILE NASTY DISGUSTING GUTS!!!!!!!! WHERE THE HELL DOES HE GET OFF TELLING ME TO CLEAN WHEN HE DOESNT SO JACK SHIT UNLESS MOM BITHCHES SO HE CAN GET IN HER PANTS! AND WHY THE HELL IS HE SITLL HERE HWEN HE SHOWED OFF ISABELLE TO HIS EX, WHEN HE SUPPOSEDLY HATES HER AND DOESNT CONTACT HER AND STILL HAS THE FUCKING NERVE TO SHOW UP AND SLEEP IN OUR HOUSE! thye're sleeping together again and he once again failed to move out. This will never ever end. I'm glad as hell I hit his bike. should have knocked him over and let the massive thing fall on him and crush him or disfigure him and show him what it's like to not be pretty anymore. See is mom stuck with him after that, ha** Anyways, school is also a lot harder than expected and I can not possibly afford anything right now, but I need a tuner (I managed to borrow Tom's, but I can't do that forever). For some reason we are majorly in the hole these past few months and we haven't even gone grocery shopping since we got back from Cali a month and a half ago. But we can buy all the chicken and eggs we want (I think having 40 dozen eggs in your house is sickening but topped with 23 whole chickens [the frozen kind, not the one's with feathers that produce eggs] then things are out of control). And sometiems I get in these fits like dude....my dad is gonna die in like 10 years. He's already said like 10 times and the first time was about 2 years ago. The drinking, smoking and the fact he has a form of skin cancer and some major hernias that he wont look into. It's like fuck.... And I never sleep anymore, I swear I'm going to lose it soon. Especially if Devan and I don't come to some understanding, I think we're both trying...but I always think he's going to turn around and say shit about me. Which he probably is, so it's like why bother? I'm done complaining guys, just thought I'd share............................................................................... But the good news is, I still haven't cut, going on about 2 and a half months.

I give up on cooking. I managed to burn 2 batches of cookies. But I blame the stupid pan I NEVER use but since mom pulled it out I did because when I use the other pan nothing ever went this catastrophically wrong. I put the second batch in for 5 minutes, since they're supposed to be there for 8-10 so I figure I'd catch them before too much damaged was made. Oh no they burnt too. it was kidna funny after wards though. This whole day has just been weird, some funny things happened but I've been annoyed all day Highlights: 1)Stayed in bed til 11 then got up and showered 2) Chelsea called then Derek and I was supposed to call him back once I was off with Chelsea but I was a big super bitch and would have strangled myself with the cord (if my phone had a cord) if I stayed on the phone. 3)Stepped in dog poop...in my own house. Isn't that talented? (this was actually pretty funny) 4)caitlin got peed on by the dog 4)Burnt those stupid cookies. 5)spilled the choco chips all over the floor prior to burning the cookies 6)broke a spatula trying to stir in the chips since our wooden spoon has been mysteriously broken (....hmm wonder how that happened....) 7)CAitlin waxed mom's eyebrows with this at home kit thing 8)caitlin proceeded to do her own 9)amidst a waxing frenzy she did mine, and tried to do her knee but it didnt work too well I dont think...I'll have to follow up on that. In conclusion. today was bizarre

Bored? ((Over 100 questions))Created by xSwtLilAngel666x and taken 115677 times on bzoink![x] Part 1 -- The Basics [x]What's your name? ::ChelseaBirthplace ::Edgewood, KYAge ::16Age you act ::10Current location ::Florence, KYEye color ::BrownHair color ::BrownRight, lefty or ambidextrous? ::RightyZodiac sign? ::GeminiHeight? ::5'6"[x] Part 2 -- Describe... [x]Your heritage/nationality ::1/3 MExican, PArt Juaneno Indian, Part Irish, Spanish, English and FrenchYour hair ::Longer than shoulder length and wavyYour fears ::Spiders, Giving away information I wasnt supposed toYour perfect room ::Kinda big, painted blue, have big windows but heavy curtains with a huge bedWhat you practically do in a day ::Eat[x] Part 3 -- What is/are... [x]Words you overuse ::yeaPhrases you overuse ::DudeYour first thought when you wake up ::What the hell am I doing up?Your greatest accomplishment ::Saying yes to DerekSomething you want to do ::Skydive[x] Part 4 -- This or that [x]Pepsi or Coke ::neitherMcDonald's or Burger Kings ::Mickey D's I guessBritney Spears or Christina Aguilera ::eck neitherChocolate or vanilla ::chocolate all the wayAdidas or Nike ::Nike I suppose..Idk i have bothBlack or white ::blackBills or Coins ((Think $$$)) ::BillsBurgers or hot dogs ::Burgers, do you know what is in hotdogs?Egypt or France ::hmm...Egypt I guess, idkRock or rap ::Rock![x] Part 5 -- Do you...[x]Smoke ::nopeCuss ::too muchSing well ::no waySing in the shower ::not usuallyTalk to yourself --a lot-- ::actually yea..Believe in yourself ::not usually Like taking these longass surveys? ::obviously or I wouldnt be doing thisPlay an instrument ::clarinetWant to go to college? ::definitelyWant to get married? ::YesWant to have children? ::eventually...Think you're a health freak? ::not at allGet along with your parents ::my dadGet along with your siblings? ::usuallyThink you're popular ::no way[x] Part 6 -- In the past month have you..[x]Gone out of state ::actually yesDrank alchohal ::yesSmoke ::noGet high ::noDone any drugs ::noEaten an entire box of oreos ::gosh noBeen on stage ::nopeGone skinny dipping ::I wishBeen dumped ::nopeDyed your hair ::noStolen anything ::not this month[x] Part 7 -- Your friends! =D [x]Craziest ::RachaelLoudest ::ChelseaMost shy ::MeganBlondest ::Rachael since she has the lightest hairSmartest ::hmm Amy I guessKindest ::MeganBest personality ::All of themMost talented ::chelsea with her singing and actingBest singer ::ChelseaMost ghetto ::haha yea rightDrama Queen ((or King XP)) ::AlexPain in the ass ::Alex sometimesThe one you just want to strangle to death ((Homer Simpson style))::....Funniest ::ChelseaBest person for advice ::Alex or MEganDependable ::MeganTrustworthy ::AmyDruggie ::Me lolMost likely to end up in jail ::Me or ChelseaPerson you've known the longest ::Megan - since birth[x] Part 8 -- The Last... [x]Last dream ::Derek....Last nightmare ::Doing marching band while at band camp Car ride ::on the way home from Derek'sLast time you cried ::about a month adn a halfLast movie seen ::the IslandLast movie rented ::ConstantineLast book read ::In the middle of Just EllaLast word said ::FunnyLast curse word said ::hellLast time you laugh ::llike 2 minutesLast phone call ::MeganLast CD played ::Suicide CDLast song you listened to ::"I am Understood?" -Relient KLast annoyance ::MeganLast IM ::JoshLast weird encounter ::Something with CaitlinLast person you hugged :: DerekLast person you yelled at ::CAitlinLast time you wore a skirt ::ha about a month agoLast time you've been evil ::not too long im sure...Sarcastic? ::probably about 10 minutesLast time you fought with your parents ::last nightLast time you wished upon a star ::too far for me to rememberPlayed Truth or Dare ::awhile ago definitelySpent quality time alone ::WAY TOO LONG AGO! I NEED TOO![x] Part 9 -- I swear this is the last one! -- Randomness [x]Are you talking to someone on AIM ::nopeDo you feel lonely ::kindaEver TP'd someone's house ::TP'd someone's car does that count?How about egging someone's house ::nope but I've been eggedDo you not like dislike not like me? ::yep I doAin't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? ::EMinem, not 50Yo Momma ::in my pants....because of all the sexEver been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? ::very few timesWhat do you think of George Bush? ::he's a cool dudeAny secret fetishes? ::idk if paper would be considered a fetishDo you like to wear chains? O_o ::no you sicko lolHow many languages do you speak? ::Ingles y un poco espanolDamn.. are your fingers tired? Cause mine sure are! ::slightlyGlad this is over? ((Say yes and I'll stalk you =P)) ::yes...omg there you are!Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

Anyways, so Dad got his license taken away again. He got pulled over even closer to his house than that Christmas. Barely half a mile, but no they did the stupid sobriety test and considered him drunk. Even though it takes a lot more than 6 beers to get him drunk, hell. But yea thats ok. His lawyer didnt show up for the first hearing so now its set for september 17th I believe. And the way these things work I will haev my license before he does. And I will probably have to take him to work and stuff. At least badn will be over, I'll have time. Scott spent $600 on this damn chiuaua that keeps barking ALL NIGHT LONG. Her name is Isabelle and she is really cute, but good lord she has some separation anxiety. Mom went out to the bars with Jennifer tonight and Scott's at the REds so the house is mercifully empty aside from Caitlin, its wonderful. Mom thinks it upsets us, ha, so shes trying to make it up by bringing hopme potato skins and cheese sticks, which we wont be allowed to eat by the time she gets home cuz it will be too late. So hope she makes it home without too many problems cuz she will most likely be drunk driving herself home. Her last phone call she sounded good, so maybe it wont be too bad. (by the way, her phone calls are INCREDIBLY ANNOYING! She was gone for literally 30 secs and she called, and then 30 minutes after that and 30 minutes after that and I'm like SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! but that usually doesnt make a dif.) Finished Harry Potter 6, ticked me off, I like the other books better, but it was still good

Well, I tried entering an entry yesterday but it didn't work. It was basically everything that I have been upset about but now I don't really remember it. Well I do, but it doesn't seem as important I guess. I think I got all my frustration out the other night cuz I was crying a lot - which was weird yet again. Anyways, Dad got his license taken away again. He got p Megan's here, more later

Well Mike and I went on a walk today. So we're on the bike trail and pulls out a joint and starts smoking it in broad daylight right next to all these construction workers. I was a little startled at first then Iwas just like w/e. He said it'll just like he's smoking a cigarette and taht the paper he was using tasted really good. It was flavored to be like sour apple. And the only reason he did that in front of me was cuz he knew he could and I wouldnt say anything. Crazy kid. and now he's out there having a deep convo with Caitlin. Now I have to go do laundry, ugh

Nothing good can be without bad.... Chris (my aunt's ex-b/f despite the fact he still is always over cuz they have been together for 15 years) invited CAitlin and i to the Warped tour wit hbackstage passes. So I'm FREAKING OUT cuz that is amazing and then I go "oh shit....." cuz Lucy is going to be furious and is going to hate us. And in reality we really shouldn't go so I'm trying to think of a cover story to get us out of it and my mind is RACING like you wouldnt believe and then he goes and talks to gma and comes back and says "well i just talked to gma and you guys are going" so im like all right then....so I told Lucy and she basically ignored me and went right back to her book so she hates me now. And I'm like FUCK! Altho GD probably fits this better, but I don't really like to say that. Can NOTHING ever be right? why Why WHY do I always have to be put in the middle of all the shit? Even with mom and dad I'm the one they ask questions and get mad at cuz Caitlin just sits there and really doesnt care as long as she gets to do what she wants to do. Why am I the one with the concious AND the one who has to answer all the hard things? I guess it comes with the territory of having an immature family and being hte oldest sibling....but sitll it sucks

Wow it's been awhile, this diary is hard to get into cuz I'm always so DAMN BUSY! especially with my family doing everything in their power to keep me off the puter for some reason. Anyways I'm in cali til July 9th, hoping to live it out to the fullest since this is a short visit and I won't even be able to come back next year if I'm lucky enough to make it into GSP. So yea fun times. Talked to Megan for 2 hrs, 22 minutes and 39 secs yesterday, it was crazy. As is this story. Just so you know we live in this little town and My cousin's friend came over and started tellling him this story while CAitlin and I are chilling in the car next to him: So Lave (my cousins friend) went to this guy's house and everyone is way coked up. So he starts playing cards with them and he's winning left and right cuz they're all so fucked up. They ask him to go pick up their friend who will give him $100, so of course he's like "HEll Yes!" HE drives out there, this guy's no where to be found. He calls back and tlels them and the guy is like "Oh man, I'm sorry, just come on back and I'll give you gas $" He gave him $40 for gas and so LAve's like all right cool. So they play cards some more and then they decide to go over to this other guy's house and they ask Lave to bring one of their buddies since they all cant fit in one car, he says sure and they literally drive around the corner and these guys give him $30 for gas. THey walk up to the house and some chick answers who Lave recognizes from some porn zines he's seen. She's like "hey guys, we're just giving Mike his bday present, so don't be freaked out." They walk in to find some chick butt ass naked giving this guy head on the floor. But is she the slightest bit phased? of course not. All she does is look around, go "Hey guys!" and go right back to what she was doing. So LAve's like uh...hey. and they continue to play cards. It's getting late and Lave's ready to go on home and goes to the guy who had been getting head earlier to say bye since it was his house. Walks into this room where he's screwing this chick in the ass and he's like "Uh thanks Matt bye" and Matt goes "Oh ok see ya!" and continues fucking her. WHAT THE HELL?????? turns out that chick thought she was auditioning to be in a porn zine, but really it was just for his bday. thats some crazy stuff if you tell me. But then Lave says, hey Mike (my cousin) I can probly get her to get someone to "audition" on you for your "bday" and Mike agrees and says he;d rather do it in private cuz he doesn't think he could keep a boner in front of all those ppl, he'd get nervous. Then they discuss how they love whores, but wouldnt screw one cuz they have all kinds of diseases. That's how messed up my life can be, this was all COMPLETELY and utterly normal to me and to them and to my little sister. And it's also normal for him to be like, I'm gonna go smoke a bowl, I'll be up here later. Craziness I tell you....

My throat hurts right now. First time in my life my throat has hurt like this, it's crazy. My head is pounding too and I haev a sinus issue. Crap crap crap

Does anybody actually read this? Any sign of human existence that this diary has been read, even if you thought I was completely annoying and stupid, would be appreciated

OOOOk. Today sucked royal monkey balls. I wore my hot Mexican shirt cuz I wanted troday to be a good day cuz we are done testing and everything and I wanted to have fun. What an idiot I am. SO I screwed up my Health test really bad, worse than I normally do anyways and then World civ was ok, but not great. We go to band....adn turns out my friend didn't make squad leader but I did....THIS IS COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT! This will onyl be my 3rd year and this will be her 5TH!! C'MON!! She deserved it over a LOT of other people, including myself. So she was crying, which I don't blame her, and we haevan NHS meeting afterschool, and i'll have to be with her alone for na hour and a hlaf and I get the feeling sh probably doesn't want to be around me too much right now. Then we got scheduling info and I cna't do ANYTHIGN I WANT! Nothin I signed up for originally is available 2nd block 2nd semester, which means I'm going to have to give up AP US History so I can get my classes in for senior year. PISSES me off cuz that was going to be an awesome class, a lot of my friends were taking it and I wanted to do it...but now I 'm going to havee to take US Honors to get in Precal and Chemistry Honors and take some random class during 2nd semestr 2nd block, probably Pyschology. They have the stupidest lcasses available and the stupidest times (yes stupidest is not a word, lay off). And tomorrow I have to go to this party that I don't especially want to go to but my this same friend feels really bad and guilty so she wanted to go and she wanted me to go so she won't be alone. And now I'm not sure if she will even want to hang out with me at the party....so WHAT THE FUCK! EVERYTHING IS SO MESSED UP!!!! I give up

I just realized I can log onto here during School so now I am here in computer class bored as hell. This class is really pointless, as least we did somethign yesterday even though it sucked. Oh well. I really wish I had music to listen to but we can't have headphones and walkmans and stuff. Not that ut really matters because my headphones are broken....dammit. Oh well just something I gotta fix Stephen and Devan came back to school today and Stephen ahd really bad racoon eyes it's hilarious. Speaking of which, apparently Mom went to the badn booster meeting last night and she saw Devans mom there. She sat down and said "hey, haven't seen you in awhile." **mom blinks at ehr wondering who she is** "D you know who I am?" Mom: "No" Devans Mom: "I'm Devan;s mom" M: "Ohh......" DM:"Can I ask you something?" m: "Ok" DM: "What happened? B/c my son doesn't talk to me" So mom didn't know what to say about me and Devan breaking up so she just said idk. I can't believe she brought it up now and we broke up in DECEMBER! It was really funny thinking about it though and Megan was onthe phone and heard and cracked up. It was weird.

Today was intereseting. MEgan spent the night and we were going to a movie. But then I was invited to basketball and I didn't know what to do. We just avoided the subject really butI could tell Megan was kidna upset with me. So we go down to the Seilhamers about 12:05 (bball was supposed to start at 12) and no1s there so we kinda stop and were confused for a little bit. We were heading back to the house when Mom called to bitch at me for not cleaning downstairs. So we go back and I introduced Megan to the wonders of a peanut butter and tortilla burrito. Very Good. (Also, has anyone ever tried a tortilla with butter and sugar on it? It's odd but actually pretty good. It's like one big sack of fat too) So then we got a popsicle and headed back down there about quarter til 1 and we see Raj coming towards us. He asked us if bball was still on cuz no1 was down there so we were all confused. I called Keith and he was at the zoo....even tho he set all this up. It was pretty hilarious laughing at him cuz he was stuck at the zoo cuz i guess relatives were visiting. So we go back to my house again and Megan talks to Megan and we go visit them forl ike 20 minutes or something (Bobby looked and smelled pretty damn good). Then we go to the park and on our way see uncle billy in some snazzy new car. So we continue to the park and go down to the creek again. We went so far that we ended up coming out by Yealey which was fun. Bought tons of candy at the $1 store andthe Card Outlet. WE were extraordinarily loud in the theatre too (Saw Hitch, wasn't too bad) and I'm pretty sure everyone hated us in there but thats ok. It was a good day overall. Note cuz I'm obsessed -Raj didn't really seem too interested in me and he hasn't really for awhile....so now I'm confused and I don't know if I should even bring up dating to him or what...And now I can't get him out of my head. I REALLY want to hang out with him and stuff...DAMMIT.

**Warning: This section will contain an extreme amount of cussing cuz I'm FUCKING pissed** I absolutely HATE being treated like a damn child!!!!! FUCK! Grandma comes in "I'm not having you stay up late and getting up late child" BULL SHIT! she said she came upstairs and I was still sleeping at 11. someone's on fucking crack cuz I've only slept til 11 about 3 times in my life. What a fucking LIAR! they all exaggerate with all this shit even when they're wrong! DAMMIT! UGH! who GIVES a shit when I sleep anyways??? maybe's there's a reason I don't come downstairs til 2- YOU'RE CRAZY!! she says she wants some work out of me this summer...what a fucking joke. not only that I've done some of her shit this year anyways so i dont know why she's complaining. I'm not her damn servant, I don't come out here to vistit to clean up her shit that she leaves lying around! she said it the other day "this is why i want you children to help me" cuz she couldnt find her OWN DAMN needles in her shithole of a "sewing room". thats bullshit, I'm not here to pick up after a 77 year old woman fuck! Not to mention she's stupid they're ALL stupid I feel my IQ dropping. Can I NEVER be part of a house where I can maybe LEARN something from the ppl instead of babysitting everyone FUCK! I even have to keep their stupid dysfunctional relationships in tact and I'm always the one in the middle. Where was I when it became the 16 year old responsibility to take care of the ppl in the house and yet still be the one who gets called a child and treated like a fucking 10 year old just cuz they can't cope with the idea I'm not their little sweet innocent girl anymore. Just cause all their kids went and FUCKED UP their lives and snuck out to screw and suck off any wiilling guy in the parking lot at 3 in the morning and drink and smoke pot doesn't mean trying to control me wont make me do that. I already dont have a desire to do that but when they do this shit it just pushes me closer and closer to that dooor. Maybe that's where they went wrong, the idiots. Not to mention they fucked themselves into poverty- literally. 8 kids and 2 adults living on min wage jobs - what a recipe for disaster. man FUCK DUDE! GOSH!

whoever left me those comments had a LOT of time on their hands. sorry i'm poor a penny is all i could afford

ALL RIGHT.... Well Megan went to Alex's today and apparently they had a nice long convo which meant that Megan and I had a nice long talk. 2 hours, 27 minutes and 27 secs (aren't cell phones useful?) Here are the basic points we got across: -We've kinda tainted possible friendships with AMy and Megan for each other by telling them bad things about the other to make us feel better. -We're jealous of the other one in some senses -She has some guilt and trust issues with me b/c we were asses to each other Freshman year That was the extreely shortened version Some other things that popped up. -I have an extremely adaptable personality so I change to fit dif people's moods and attitudes so I act dif around ots of dif ppl. --This may also go along with the fact that I can't hold an emotion too long for the life o me, which is both good and bad. Good b/c it's easy for me to let things go and I rarely get upset for long periods of time. Bad b/c I'm rather heartless and I can't seem to like anybody for longer than a week. And of course the one guy I did like shot me down hard (I told him he liked me, he replied with "mmhmm...you feel stupid yet?" Thankfully I thought it was kinda funny and I got over it but for some reason he was the only guy I really liked for a LONG time). Figures, that's life I think there was ore but it was all confusing and odd but good, as corny as it sounds we got feelings we needed to get out, out. So hopefully this will help things and we'll be better off for it. Who knows. Also, have you ever thought about what would happen if one thing had/n't had happened in your life? Megan and I watched the Butterfly effect and it got me thinking, what if one thing was dif, how dif would your life be? Like if Johnny hadn't died, would Mom have been as screwed up? Would I have other cousins more my age to hang out with? Would I even like them? It goes on and on and on and that's just with one event. IT's very odd to thnk about. One of those things you ponder on the long bus ride home or on a long road trip/plane ride. You know, the kia topics where you get glazed eyes and get WAY out of it listening to your headphones for hours on end and never hearing a word of what you just listened to for an hour.

Dammit, I have now done 2 entires that haven't gone through because my computer decides to be exceedingly and unnecessarily frustrating. Anyways, played basketball on Tuesday and it was qutie fun. Somehow Bobby found out I like Raj, I guess we were flirting a lot cuz Megan S said that we were....didn't realize I was but ok. Well Raj was passing it in and I wasn't exactly open so he wasn't throwing it to me but Bobby said "I'm sorry your little boyfriend won't through it to you," and I was like "What??!!" Cuz I was HIGHLY confused. He just laughed at me and gave me this evil scientist kida look then said "'yea we like each otehr but we don't want to go out'" making fun of us. Then alter I got the rebound from under Raj, which was bizarre, so he was reaching around me to try and get it (actually, it was quite nice with his arms around me) and Bobby said something like OH look at them or something like that. SO I guess it's completely obvious I like him to every one but him. Although I didn't even realize I was flirting, I was just being me, but lots of people take that as flirting so....idk. MY only problem with us going ous is I am terrified I am going to freak out nad break up with him after a month like EVERY OTHER relationship I've ever had. And I would hate to lose his friendship, cuz I really really value it. So We'll see what happens...... My aunt Liz is coming over about 7 to take me to go shopping for Mom's birthday....woo, but hey maybe I can get some shorts while I'm there.

All right, let's see if this works for once. I wrote a huge entry last night and of course....it died. Quite pissed me off actually considering I was already in a pissed off mood. Probably better I didn't put it in here though because I felt really really depressed and bad. Right now I feel pretty good though. Partly because... Today we played basketball, (and FYI I really despise that song that I used for the title, but it fit) and it was me, bobby, raj, keith, omar, kyle, michael, and scott. I kinda like Raj I think....only problem is he's like one of my best friends and I am TERRIFIED about screwing that up. I already screwed something up with another one of my really good friends I dated because I guess he liked me a lot more than I thought. So, I'm kinda worried about Raj saying something and what I should say back, because I've been told he likes me many times. So I was on his team every game that we played today and it was a blast. We're playing again on Tuesday, I just felt really stupid in my jeans cuz it was warm. so I'm going to go get one of those long shorts that chicks can wear so I don't wear little skimpy shorts that I look bad in. Normally I wouldn't care but they decided to invite PEter, Jon (who's a junior and VERY cute), Doker ( senior, also not bad), and Chris (graduated last year). So I'm going to feel like even MORE of an idiot as the ONLY GIRL there. I would prefer to at least look kinda good...well as good as someone can look running around a court in the blazing hot sun. Anyways, today, on the walk home it was me, Raj, Scott and Omar. I kept knocking the ball away from Raj and he kepot coming after me and tickling me (his new found favorite weapon because I'm EXTREMELY ticklish) and it was just fun. If every day was like today and I could just feel normal and good about myself around him it would be amazing. But in school, I get freaked out whenever ppl come up and ask me about my relationships which inevitably leads me to breaking up with them because I am inscure and idiotic. I haven't even ever been kissed before and I'm not that ugly or anything....I just never let people get close enough to me. I will update on Tuesday to say what happened with that.................... Oh, and if anyone bothered reading all this, I offer my congratulations, I would have gotten bored/confused long ago. And if you could comment with anything, even to say I'm a huge idiot, that would be cool