I'm kinda freaked out right now. Everything seemed like it was going all right then all of a sudden things hit me one after another. For one, Dad might be going to jail for a year or more than that and I don't know if I could handle that. and it's so STUPID he had like 6 beers that night and the last time he was arrested and that's not enough to make him drunk at all. And hte first time he had a nail shot thorugh his knee so of course he couldn't walk the line adn this time he had thick heavy work boots on a crooked line. IT sounds like excuses but idk, it just seems so unfair....especially considering he was 3 minutes from his house, literally, BOTH times. It's kinda like fuck. And mom is going on a rampage about dad and linda and scott and asking caitlin and I really unfair questions that she will get pissed if she answers so IDK why she asks them. Just looking for comfort which is bull shit cuz she is NOT getting any from me. "Who loves me more, your Dad of Scott?" "No idea mom" "YOUR DAD! Who loves your dad more, me or Linda?" "...." "ME! nobody will EVER love him more than me" etc etc etc for a long time. Adn of course Caitlin never really had to answer any of these questions before so its left to me. Why I bother when she's drunk off her ass and own't remember anything in the mornign is beyond me. And I don't understand why I have to sit there and watch her cry and sputter and humiliate herself in front of scott and caitlin when scott was teh one who cheated on her, not the rest of the family. And she wanted me to wait and have Derek come to the door in the midst of all that??? HELL NO! And as it turned out I couldn't even enjoy the evening because I got majorly sick all of a sudden at one point and all I could do all night was feel guilty for leaving Caitlin at home with those shit heads all evening.... **REally quick cuz it just happened and I'm going to scream, I HATE SCOTT'S EVIL VILE NASTY DISGUSTING GUTS!!!!!!!! WHERE THE HELL DOES HE GET OFF TELLING ME TO CLEAN WHEN HE DOESNT SO JACK SHIT UNLESS MOM BITHCHES SO HE CAN GET IN HER PANTS! AND WHY THE HELL IS HE SITLL HERE HWEN HE SHOWED OFF ISABELLE TO HIS EX, WHEN HE SUPPOSEDLY HATES HER AND DOESNT CONTACT HER AND STILL HAS THE FUCKING NERVE TO SHOW UP AND SLEEP IN OUR HOUSE! thye're sleeping together again and he once again failed to move out. This will never ever end. I'm glad as hell I hit his bike. should have knocked him over and let the massive thing fall on him and crush him or disfigure him and show him what it's like to not be pretty anymore. See is mom stuck with him after that, ha** Anyways, school is also a lot harder than expected and I can not possibly afford anything right now, but I need a tuner (I managed to borrow Tom's, but I can't do that forever). For some reason we are majorly in the hole these past few months and we haven't even gone grocery shopping since we got back from Cali a month and a half ago. But we can buy all the chicken and eggs we want (I think having 40 dozen eggs in your house is sickening but topped with 23 whole chickens [the frozen kind, not the one's with feathers that produce eggs] then things are out of control). And sometiems I get in these fits like dude....my dad is gonna die in like 10 years. He's already said like 10 times and the first time was about 2 years ago. The drinking, smoking and the fact he has a form of skin cancer and some major hernias that he wont look into. It's like fuck.... And I never sleep anymore, I swear I'm going to lose it soon. Especially if Devan and I don't come to some understanding, I think we're both trying...but I always think he's going to turn around and say shit about me. Which he probably is, so it's like why bother? I'm done complaining guys, just thought I'd share............................................................................... But the good news is, I still haven't cut, going on about 2 and a half months.