rite now im crying but im not sure exactly why. today sarianne and justin got in some huge cat fight because theyre both bitchy and started fucking yelling at each other... retarded and like in the middle of it. its liek ok well great my bf and my best friend hate eachother. and sari was supposed to go to summer school with me and i have to go by myself and im really scared of going alone. i wont know anyone and what if the kids are mean to me. im gona be a loner. sitting in the back of this cooking clas at a school i cant even prolly afford to attend. im jus so confused i dont know what i want. i love justin but he jus makes me upset and i miss him like crazy, but i can jus tell he wants to go out and be a partying college kid and its jus so like gut wrenching to see my summer start off so shitty so early on. it sucks. and like what am i doing wiht my life? i mean friendship wise i have no friends. wow today i hung out with nellie for the first time in forever and it was awesome. i miss her i miss being normal being home for longer then a week. but i wana be with justin i jus cant stop crying. i dont even know whats wrong. i dont know what i miss... going to high school i miss the social thing, i miss having two ppl i talk to. and other ppl on my buddy list who i dont even talk to anymore. ive jus fucked up so much and i dont know why im unhappy. i jus feel so disoriented but im sure in a year i can get all my shit settled by the time i go to college but im jus getting this feeling justins gona break up with me. i dont know why but weve argued so many times today. and im jus frustrated and im sitting here listening to sad music which doesnt help sitting alone at home and my 23 year old boyfriend is at some bar prolly getting hit on. wow some perfect life.