so im going back today well technically tonight i was supposed to go back sunday but im glad i didnt it was nice to spend a couple more days with my baby we went min golfing yesterday. it was a lot more fun when your little its like i was trying to remake something i cant kinda sucked when reality set in as i walked thru a hot park that smelt like little kids and rude attendants and i realized im not little anymore. im at that awkward age where im too old for everything i used to like and too young too do everything i want to do. its like oh well im stuck in the middle. ya know that song clowns to the left of me jokers to the right here i am stuck in the middle with you. it was funny i wasnt bummed about it tho its kinda made me wake up a little bit and realize im growing up really fast and before i didnt want to be the little kid i was and now i do. odd how things work out sometimes. ive spent so long pretending im older and i was finally at the point where i was like i wana be 11 again. its not necessarliy a guilty feeling when i watch cartoons but im scared someones gona walk in the room and be like arnt you too old for nickelodeon lol i dont give a fuck im always down for rugrats. lol yeah oh ok even better im sitting on the bed chillin playing sorry online lol im a geek and Ashlee* (name changed to keep the guilty innocent) ims me and apologizes for tearing my top down like five years ago in front of her brother who once was infatuated with me and now jus thinks im hot which is kinda weird cuz hes never anyone id even look at twice... anyways so after that weird confrontation she tells me to come to church with her. jesus fucking christ i havnt been to church in soo long like forever and if i did go id go with my grandma which im starting to heal i think that last entry helped along with comments anyways shes like u should go and i say no itll be too hard no fucking way i hate church id rather convert to judism before i go back to church and it really does bring back memories ya know? so i tell her its too hard and shes like whats too hard . once again jesus fucking christ , should i spell it out? and so i explain my grandma died on christmas and i used to go to church with her so im not down for the holy conception. no response and she jus signs off line i mean shes awesome and i think its sad she was thinking about something that happened when were like 11 and to fret over it for years im not like that so i feel bad when people are i mean if i did something i cant fix it why worry about it its over move on with ur life its cool she apologized very cool lol but i mean if being christian is remembering all your sins and hanging onto them with guilt for more then a month, why would i wana be going along with that?