thats my mood, and i have NO idea what it means. i cant even fathum what it must mean, actually. someone tell me. !! so anyways, its been an interesting week. i havent felt depressed/lonely/whatever you want to call it in awhile. and then yesterday i did. and it sucked. this week put a lot of things into perspective for me. im sick of just doing things to do them, and im sick of doing things when i dont want to do them. so im going to stop. or at least try. hard. because im out of here in a year. ive been thinking about that HARDCORE. i need to make a decision about where im going to be living within the next few months. i think ive narrowed it down, at least to the states. which are: .. New York, obviously. either NYC, Utica or Cortland. .. PA. Philly seems cool, not as big as NYC but still interesting. & A few other towns located centrally. .. Florida. always wanted to go to school there. id love to live out my fantasy of living near the ocean and being able to surf and getting GOOD at it. plus id be living with my aunt who is super awesome. its just that no one is motivated down there to do anything with their lives, and im taking college really seriously since ill be paying for every damn penny of it. i dont know. but i need to make a decision soon and im so scared that ill make the wrong one. oh well, as long as its not here. so i was depressed yesterday because i hate stupid situations like the one im about to write about. theres this guy Mike who ive known my junior year, he was a senior, but never talked to him because i had a movie star crush on him so i was too scared to. but we started talking in the beginning of the summer through myspace & on the internet and whatnot, and we exchanged numbers but nothing ever came of it. so he informs me that hes moving to PA this weekend for college and that we should hang out some night cause we have so much in common and i seem like a cool girl. so we hang out the other night, just driving around becasue theres nothing else to do and we find out that its weird that we didnt know each other sooner. hes friends with one of my exes, im friends with the guy that his ex cheated on him with and we were both so close to each other but never realized it. so we thought that was funny. plus weve been at a few of the same concerts and didnt see each other. anyways to make a long story short, he ended up telling me that he likes me by the end of the night, but obviously nothing can happen now because hes going to be 4 hours away in 2 days. at college. where he'll have the opportunity to have sex with a new girl out of 3,000 every night until next May. thats awesome. the point of this whole thing is that no one wants a relationship with me, and i dont even know if i want one at this point, but it just makes me depressed. the line from 'best of you' by the foo fighters sums up all im feeling right now: im getting tired of starting again, somewhere new..