ELVIS VIRUS- Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy and then self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. GEORGE W. BUSH VIRUS v 1.0 - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November. GEORGE W. BUSH VIRUS v 2.0 - Tells you it's going to eliminate all other viruses from your computer but that it may take a long time. Then it actually does scan your computer and eliminate viruses. It also scans for Programs of Mass Destruction (PMD), which are programs that destroy a lot of files if they are run. PMDs may be caused by a number of other viruses, such as the Saddam Hussein virus. The only problems with the George Bush virus are that it uses up a lot of your computer's resources while it's scanning, it never seems to find any PMDs, and it keeps switching the background color on your computer screen back and forth between yellow and orange. GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. HEALTH CARE VIRUS - Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500. HURRICANE VIRUS - It blows away all your files, then tells you the government will help you rebuild them. IRS AUDIT VIRUS - It comes in with very little warning, digs through all your files then sells all your worldly possessions on Ebay, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. It doubles the files on your hard drive while it states it is decreasing the number of files, increases the cost of your computer, taxes its CPU to maximum capacity, and then uses Quicken to access your bank accounts and deplete your balances.