I am so disappointed in myself. I find myself looking at me as the person that I never ever wanted to become. Dwayne, T, Alex..I told them all that I loved them. I know for sure now that I didn't love T. I'll never know exactly how I felt about Dwayne. I was young, I was naive. He helped me, I think I may have loved him. Alex, I found myself lost in him. I saw him reflecting who I was..who I am, and who I wanted to be. Still yet, I didn't find growth in him. I think honestly, I was more interested in trying to find out how to be in love rather than actually being in love. I was stupid, young, naive and mis-informed as to what I should've been doing for myself. What was I thinking? Have I ruined myself for my future? Does it matter? Who do I have to blame except myself? I'm surprised because I took myself for granted, as well as how powerful "love" can change and taint a person. -I hope I recover. Not for them, not for survival, but for the *love* of knowing I didn't give up on myself.