Further proof that I'm a psycho: I was just thinking that I might be ready to have sex again when a conversation I had with Tristan today caused me to say something different. We were talking about how just a few months ago he thought sex was nothing but a physical thing and now he says he has changed his mind. I asked him what he thinks it means now and he couldn't answer. After a bunch of reaching answers I finally said, "No, I'll tell you what it means. It is being as close to that person as you can possibly be. It is being vulnerable because one of you is letting someone inside, physically and emotionally, while the other is proving that they are ready to be inside that other person, physically and emotionally. It is becoming one person, for those moments. It is love. And you know what I just realized? Now that I've finally decided what sex means, I've also decided that I'm not ready to be doing it with you because you don't love me and I'm not sure I love you yet either. So until you decide you love me, we're not having sex. If you don't think you'll ever love me then I guess that means we're never having sex again." I didn't say any of this with an angry tone, I said it in speculation, because I had never really thought about it. Near the end I probably sounded more determined because this is going to be hard for me, as well as him, but I know it's the right decision. Now I just have to hope he doesn't tell me he loves me just to get some. Tristan isn't that kind of guy but you never know.