It has been a long long time since i have been on here...i think it brought back memories.. i never came back until now!! Now that I'm re doing my life!! Well what can i say..Humm well since my last entry i was with a guy called Richard!! Well sadly he past away in a car accident!! Very hard days for me, well i still think about him and well at times his death hits me like a big guy knocking my head off..lol or something like that!! Hummm I finished high school and im working at the same place as always..I'm with someone that I think is going to work all the way!! Wait I KNOW ITS GOING TO WORK!! Bc his the only guy that can put up with me, when i do my crazy chit...been drunk, depression, drama, life its self!! Humm what else!! yahoo life is going back together..the friends i lost bc of something stupid are coming back and we talk, not like b4 but its a start!! Right now I just want to live my life and forget...forget of the past..and renew what i lost!! To the ones that used to read my chit!! you can find me on myspace and yahoo

I cry all day thinking about what had happen...It happened once and i thought that this time things would be different but again i lost what I wanted. Things are like they used to be. Im home and alone, i see outside my window but all i see are my thoughts of my lost. I ask myself why but i know the answer. It feels strange that I, me, can't have want i want so my ppl say. I would have been a mother but i guess it was not met for me. TO have the joy, love, care, and the life of parent hood in my life. Tears on my pillow, my eyes almost dry from all the crying.

I didn't go to school today. I had a hang over. Yesturday we had a brithday party for my sis. All the woman there were having some Barcardi others had tequila. It was good i had all. I was the one that was making the drinks and mixing them. hehehe i was good. Humm old friends were reunited and we all had a good time talking about all the things that was going on with us and todo. We also had some ppl from Cali to come over some that i didn't know they were my sis internet friends they were cool. I invited my ex from Oxnard, he came and we talked and had a good time tambien. His here with us today and he'll go back the same day as the others. I still haven't done my report for english and it really is getting on my nervse cause i have another one to do for a other class *thinking about the report Perro en otras palabras everything is going well for me. Luv ya

So many questions untold, so many mistakes where made, so many guilt. La Luna del Matdore Time has past and i see myself going to a place that i loved since I first went there. I always wanted to live there. Have most of what I own there and here i have nothing just my family but they MIGHT manage without me for a while. Hummmmm.. I been thinking about school(college) and i think i would rather work than continue, maybe in the long run i will go but now i want a time off of school, and DRAMA. My plans well they are simple. Finish high school, go to work, then live where i belong a long way from what i know and hate. I know Cali is a long way but its home to me, :D. Maybe go back in what i was good at...Hummmmmmm(thinking while i write)LOL. Anyways, now im ready to go and have a good time with the primos, and just drink those coronas, tequila, and smoke what we grow. Aye Aye..... Laters ¢¾No Mas Como Una Amiga¢¾ Me dices que me quieres perro lo se que no, Tu vida es una mentira, Tu amor es venenoso, Ahora, lo que senti no esta, Mejor que vidas con esa hyna porque los dos son para uno al ottor, Mucho amor en lo que agas, perro ya no te quiero, No mas como una amiga.

Once there was a flame that lighted a dark soul... the flame was then blown out by pain, sorrow, and betrayal...months past and now the flame once again is lighted. Where there was fire ashes remain.

Hummmmmm..... Hummmmmmmmm. Hummmmmm ok!!!

So far my summer is going good. Things are so so just has been really cloudy here and we can't do much here.

Two more days of school. What fun. LOL Sad that my senior friends are leaving and going away, but I pray for them, and hope for the best to all. Thought that I was the only Hispanic on this thing, but seems that there are hispanics. Today I'm studing for my US History final. Yan. Well think that I do well if I study for this test. Dont think I did so good on that Field Test. I funked that shit. LOL. MY FINALS: *US History *Pysical Science *Spanish I *Art II P.S. Dont ask why I'm taken Spanish. Its like me asking you all why you'll taken English. So think about it. Going to type this for a well, hard to do it with the other style. Well not really just lazy today. LOL. Fun to us that program. Also works for yahoo, nick names. I like it. £ØVÊ ¥ØÚ Á££ VÁÐÚ You scored as DAMN!!!!!!! YOU'RE ON FIRE. KEEP IT UP! You'll be sleepin with your partner in no timeSo So Kiss100%DAMN!!!!!!! YOU'RE ON FIRE100%Good kisser50%Take a Class0%How hot do you kiss?created with QuizFarm.com LOL, How they know.

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Th3 pAsT iS Th3 pAST, GET OVER IT, LOL, FUNNY PEOPLE THAT THING THEY HAVE THE BEST. DAMN I DroWn oF hApP3Ns In Th3 bUllShiT tHaT oTh3r p3oPl3 ThInK tHaT i ThInk, tHiNkiN tHaT i HaV3 tHos3 f33liNgS oF tHr33 mOnThS aGo. h3llO tHaNkS 3 mOnThS aGo, g3t Ov3r iT. LOL. HiDd3nFaCeS ar3 ALWAYS uNcOv3r3d, 3sp3cIaLlY bY m3. LOL Psychocutter can u read, the way i write above, i mean the way i have i letters. Comment only if you are nice.LOL. ThiNkiN Wh4t u M4Y

School is fun!!!!!!!!!!! LOL ok let me stop. Its ok but I have better things to do, well not really, just stay at home and listen to my brother and sis-in-law talk about how they going to get out of the house but they never will, lets see there have been there for two years now and still they are there. LOL And hell no i'm not skipping no more. Shit that i have to make up, fucked up my grades shit. I'm do with it. For now at least. But next year things are going to be better, more of my cousins are going to come in and we are going to have a ball.

What do you do when you have arrived at your end? When there is no helping hand there to lift you up. When the ones that u trusted turn their back. When the due time is getting close. When u find yourself there in bed just thinking and sbout sleep. Remembering the good times that u had with your family, and friends. What are things feelings that we have and we can't describe what they are? When you dream of a person: *they are thinking about you *unfinished business *they have something to tell you *in a way both are connected *something that u have to do in real life When dreaming of a person when u dont even want to, this a big being, a meaning that u have to find out that it is. When you feel closed *something u don't want *run away from a problem *tension *stress *uncomfortable *findin thoughts *unable to express *unable to do the things you love *fake smiles *fake laughs *fake ideas Have you ever been locked up in a dark room when you were little. When u were so funken scared, that your cries and your screams for "HELP" didn't have a affect. This is what i mean. You are in a dark room, no ones hears u. What do u do?? The only thing at one can do, over come your fear. And then shoot the shot that locked u up. LOL. J/K

Where in four years do you find yourself? Have u ever thought where u would be at this time? Think about it one day, now that we are going and trying to bond with that special someone. So many things to think about. LOVE, love can over come everything, anything, right. What about when love doesn't work. When this feeling can't pay the bills, when your family leaves you, when no one is there when that person is lost as you are. So many things. I wonder about this things after that fight that me and him had. Damn so many things to worry about. Yes LOVE can overcome many thing, but not most of them. Do you find your self in a labor room, in a house, in a apartment, at a base camp, in a jail cell, at a college, owning your business. Where do you find yourself? One can’t really know this until one get there, you have the choice in what you what to do with your life and what you don’t want to do. Is this why so many people give up, b/c the don’t know what to do with things are hard. Now I’m here engaged, ready to bend myself to a person that is very jealous, gets bad easily but doesn’t show it until he is along with you, sweet, gives me whatever I want, strict, hard worker, loving, knows how to cook, gave so many things to be with me, left his family in GA to be with me. He left that night. Shit I really went overboard. His in my dreams, I cried myself to sleep and hated myself for putting our happiness on the line, damn Janice what did you do? Whatever I did it was just a test, a test to find what I had with this person. What would he do? If he has the love that I have for him he will come back, if he doesn’t he would call me and say that we were rushing into things. Where is he now, he is here at my side exactly as I thought he would. I don’t have him on a chain, that is the last thing I would do. I would let him do whatever he thinks is right, when he wants a opinion I be there. Where in four yrs do you find yourself? Wherever you see yourself, just have a positive and negative view on things. A life is never perfect, one can only try but tears will always shed................. @};- Vadu ~ Low

Oh well things happen. But o well it's not by funking problem now, shit. O well. Well before all this shit happened. This is my last year here, I'm going to Atlanta, GA, just for a while. I'm going for a family/wedding get togather. Plus stay there and see if I can get what I want for a long time. And No its nothing bad. Its just that thing that I was looking for a long time now. Family is better than ever, we went to Florida as planned and we had a blust. We stayed close to Universal Studios. Shit they had some bad as rides. ooooooo I like, I like. =D Put still I what to go to California Advantures which is across Disney Land. O yeah. California's Disney Land I think is better than Florida's. My cousin's that have been to California Adv. said that it hottttt. The rides are not for little kids they are for teenagers and older ppl. LOL not for ppl with heart problems.=D Well anyway Janice has to go and go have fun with her ppl. LOL. Shit school tommorrow. Porque, o well have to get my edumation. =D

One fucking min. I hope that you are not talking about me Dean, and Beth. Shit I didnt do shit. She thought that you were cheating on her b/c she had doubts about your ass. Shit. I didn't do shit. So don't make me the enemey here. Shit. So ya have fun dean and you beth. Hope things go good for both of you. Ya, for all to see. Shit why Dean, why in the hell didn't you tell me and ashley that you were going to get married with Beth. Shit I would of said "Hey Oso I'm proud of you I wish things go well for you and Beth. But ok you two are going to make me the enemey here so be it. Two less people to worry about. Shit I just think this whole shit is soooooo fuckin funny. PS This goes to you Dean and Beth if you are making me the enemey in this picture. PSS. If you are not I am happy for the both of you and yes I would be happy to be in that wedding b/c you two are my Friends.

Well my Saturday was ok. Nothing to talk about that I want to talk about. Things are great with me. We are having a Tequila Party. A Tequila Party is nathing if there is no Tequila, Margaritas, Coronas, XX, XXX. O, yes this is the life. Less than half of my familia is here. Close friends, like 100 children running around. O man I wish you were here. Just me. None of my friends. To much destruction, with them around. While I'm typing I'm enjoying a Jose Cuervo(Tequila), mixed with Sauza which is a Margarita mix. I'm the one that makes them in Parties. I'm the best. They say. Maybe b/c I end up putting to much Tequila in the mix =D. What can I say.....I love the drink, and thats another thing that I'm good at. LOL. I have a cold. But a Margarita is making me forget that I have is in my body. What a runny nose? Nope!! What a swore throat? Hell No!! To much fun now. Damn. I ended up talking about something after all. Well I have to go I have to go and "Watch LADDER 49. Which I heard was gooooood. =D

Still thinkin about him. Told him to wait a while longer. He came to school today and got me out. We came back during third block. Yea, his nice, but his going away for a while. He has to go to a funeral in Texas. I want to go b/c I knew the gurl. But mama said "NO." Anyway, School is fun. We did a lab today in Physical Science. Nice. We worked with acid, again. Not stronge though. He got on to me b/c I wasn't doning something that I wasn't suppost to do. I'm in the libray with some of my homies. Jorge and Luis. Dumb asses. We might go out of school and go somewhere. @};- ============================================= He really is a dumb asses. He really thinks that I didn't find out. What a ass hole. OMG. What he proposed and then I had to go to a "funeral." I called her house and she picked up the dumn phone. I asked her that Ben said that she had died,in a car crash. OMG. I gave his fucking ring back. Shit. I'm so good when it comes to judging guys. Damn, I think I should do samething, don't know I'll go back to my old self. What do you think?

"Funny animal" Funny animal I had you on a chain, I gave you whatever you wanted, The lie that you wanted, The faceless, soul that you could not hake, When you tried to figure me out I gave you samething different, The chain was but so far, You claw the ground to get to me, I let my self get a little close, but I gave you a different face, The words were true, but you hid something from me, A nameless enter threat, not to me, but for yourself, You try to be hard, when your heart, and soul are weak, You may never find "that person," until you have found yourself, Silly animal, you played with others, but not with me. And yes I am stronger, b/c I have no chain, and my claws are still sharp, Try to play with me again, and I just have to show, you how sharp they are. =========================================== "Poor Fool" The night is again cold, You are here at my side, you run your hand through, my wet black hair, I look at your eyes, they are pure, and dull, you give me comfort, but not safety, I see the person inside of you, I know your plans and your feelings, they are good but not good enough, You are sweet but not hard, I cry of laugher when I judge my self, I'm cruel and shelfish, I see her blurting with you, I walk to your side and, you turn to see me, I slap you and you grab my hand, I said its over and thats when you said, I LOVE YOU, Bullshit are your words, they fly in one ear and go out throught the other, your are funny trying, to get my attention, you poor fool you really, are a dumb ass. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Alone?" I walk inside the house, You are no were to be found, I cry your name and still no respone, I fly to the room and the bed is fixed, The kitchen is full of dishes, I cry your name again and still no answer, I pass the hallway for the seveth time, were the hell are you I wonder, I look out the window, Wondering if you have left me, I close my eyes and turn to the living room, and there you are with a hand full of red roses. ><><><>>><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< "Sleepless" I cry myself to sleep My eyes are tired of crying I go thought the endless pictures of us I rememder the plans we had The future that bonded us The promise to stay at each others side You broke my defence I looked at the world with different eyes The comfort that was there in no more I shouldn't have told you The truth that was luming inside That shot that was given to you was felt by me I'm sorry Charlos, for not telling you sooner Endless are the night since your death Our baby is still inside He keeps me going known that I have a part of you inside I rest my eyes and the room is filled with darkness.