its funny. . . when i read my diaries when i was in highschool and well even first year college it was so differetn...its full of idealism and hope and life and all the things you have when you havent yet felt the sadness and pain of others or by urself when you lose somehitng or having been betrayed, or betraying your self and then a few regrets! i dont know where i went worng. . .well i sort of know but its so hard to fix it. . . but i will try. . . .i kinda feel more determined now. . ..but its so easy to just drift and live the way i always lived,. ,and yea it wud be so easy to think that nobody cares, and i could just do what i want, leave and stay and go...but its not like that, bcuz at sometime someone cares, and i have to take care that i dont hurt that person, and then its much harder.... what the hell am i writing now?? it dosnt make sense kinda...its all fragments of my lost self and me new self and of who i want to be......