stand up if you got somethin to say sit down unless youre gonna say it we dont have enough time to keep our mouths closed get up and speak your mind

sittin here feelin a whole lot of fucked up go so much to do but its fine knowin it wont get done i dont know if im alright, if im havin fun, just floating away yeah im sitting here all sorts of fucked up i dont see why i dont like it so i guess i do borderline brain dead isnt half bad

i havent felt this way in a long while i know im hurting when i cant even give an honest smile no matter how private or discreet and it sucks to know you meant enough to do this to me you meant enough to me to make me feel so low but you did it anyways and theres one thing i know someone that important should never make that turn because that 'one time' turn sent me spinning around clinging to the next nice person trying to regain ground trying to find something new to lean on now yeah you hurt me pretty fucking bad youll probably ask me if im upset or mad well no shit im upset and fuck yeah im pissed but i know i have to accept the truth and the truth is this you arent a true friend like ive always been ive always 'had your back' but youve forgotten to cover mine over and over again but this time you hit dead center with your own fucking hand i didnt know that you were such a shitty friend you havent been helpful for a second so far and i dont think you ever will be i guess i shouldve known but i didnt know itd be like this with this shit i cant even win no matter how upset or angry you are you only have to feel fucking guilt guilt is when you know what the fuck went wrong guilt is when you fucking spit deceit into a good persons face swallow it up sweetheart this stuffs hard to get out

Her eyes went dark and I stood there screaming This couldn’t be real in this nightmare of a place no matter how hard I wished, I still wasnt dreaming Each time I looked down I saw her emotionless face I panicked and people just passed me bye Without helping the half-dead girl off the ground they didn't look me in the eyes, they just walked by without a sound What if she didn’t end up being alright? What if I had to watch my friend die? What if it were me in the middle of the exit? Barely breathing, barely living. What made her different than me? nothing A few bowls then give the needle a squeeze I guess that makes me pretty lucky and if this is luck, imagine what could have happened instead next drug up and we couldve ended up dead Here’s to one fun night, it could so easily be your last. it could end in the blink of an eye or in the second of a breath it could be over that fast it's so much easier than you could ever guess.

Florestant street lights and burnt out hotel signs Filled my mind with memories and my eyes with insight And I don’t know what I felt but I felt it deep inside It was a feeling that hurt and healed That made things worse, that made things right It really made no sense at all, but it was a feeling that wouldn't lie I smelled it in the wind that still sends chills screaming up my spine and in the heat of the night, it made me cold The thoughts it brought and the truths it told I watched waves crash down and my life unfold And those street lights that I’d never seen Brought back memories that just couldn’t be Things just seemed so clear and clean then and I’m breathin fine but livin sure aint easy. This one doesn't really make sense unless you read the 3 page stoned rambling bullshit I wrote on vacation. I kind of pieced together bits and pieces trying to describe that night sitting there... and this is as close as I feel like getting

theres no beauty in false sincerity everything i thought i had to fall back on was just another lie you told me another fucking lie i couldnt see through it hurts to know how low you went to make me see an illusion of content you fucking tricked me into thinking i had something to believe in you fucked me over because when i fell i didnt worry,i thought youd help i hit the ground and it hurt like hell what i thought i had doesnt exist best friend doesnt mean anything just another fucking memory ill forget or miss.

ive been screaming big words but the points choked down 'so much to say' situation where the words just wont come out like in a bad dream when you cant scream and no matter how hard you try you cant help anything youll only stop yelling to yell "little girl sit back down" didnt give a fuck how i felt but im the only one who couldve helped instead everything just came crashing down jesus christ i hope youre proud because look whos fucking crying now it takes a lot to tear me down but you chewed me up and spat me out before i knew what you were yelling about.

drunken nights locked in deep discussion makes my fears and guilt go rushing through my veins straight to my lying heart and it wakes me up and makes me wonder if I'm only pushing myself further under I've sold myself out for a few hollow friends they don't know me now or who I've ever been and I can sense myself slowly starting to forget I could either open myself and let them see or give into an endless game of make believe I've lost every fucking ounce of sense of self and I'm only asking if it was worth it now.

you think you're living the high life but darling, its just social suicide you're fucking yourself over for one fucked up night.

Im in love with the boy I barely know Im a stupid girl with a stupid crush I figured out your last name and I looked your picture up I Put a heart around your face Then wrote my first name before your last I wish that I could tell you but im too scared that youll laugh.

for awhile i thought i was still a kid they told me to grow up so for a minute so i did i stepped back to who i was 10 years ago and rememebered those kids i used to look up to now theres a little girl looking up at me and she cant wait to be as grown up as me shes too young to see how dissapointing it can be because absolutely nothing's exactly how it seems when i watched the wizard of oz, everybody looked so happy but judy garland was shooting up behind the scenes ive learned you have to question everything how many burn outs made up my childhood dreams? how many so called harmless lies made me believe? theres no such thing as perfect and theres no such thing as clean i want to close her eyes so she'll never have to see everything so sweet and innocent turn so dark and mean i'll hold her hand and lead her through the debut of things i wish i never knew let ignorance rock her back to sleep to the world of unknowing, let her dream. to 'samiam' whos diary is friends only. when i commented your friends diary asking why she was saying that, it wasnt because i expected everybody to like blink 182 or was mad that she didnt. it was because she said she was ashamed for liking the song and theres no reason to be ashamed for a type of music you like. she wouldnt be ashamed if she wasnt afraid of people opinions on blink 182 and musics not about that. so do yourself a favor and mind your own business when you dont know what your talking about... then neither one of us will have to waste our time with this bullshit. mmk. to 'samiam' again... you seriously need to chill out. read over what i wrote, i was defending what i said because you thought i was bitching at her for it when it was just a question. i asked her because i wanted to know if she was just saying she didnt like them to 'fit in'. i wasnt flipping out or jumping to any conclusions. you jumped to a conclusion when you thought i was being a bitch when asking your sister and i was defending that those werent my intentions. so dont be a hypocrite... it makes you look like an idiot. -- i know that all you said was "not everybody likes blink 182" and then i wrote that paragraph agreeing with you that not everybody likes blink 182, but that wasnt the point of my comment to her. i don't even like blink 182 and i really dont care if she does or doesnt. it was just to make a point that you shouldnt be ashamed about what kind of music you like. i wasnt saying that there was anything wrong with not liking them. and in the very beginning you jumped to the conclusion that i expected everybody to like blink 182. and again you were jumping to a conclusion when you thought you needed to defend her. if i wasnt trying to start something up with her and was just asking her a question, what is there to defend? but this is so incredibly pointless to argue about this online and itll really get us nowhere. so ive 'spoken my peace' and im done with this. later.

The markers dry and time is running low Panics setting in and it hurts to just let go It’s hard to breathe when you’re so empty It’s hard to stand up when you look so pretty Perfect circles never spin Perfect liars never win We all burn out no matter how perfect we are Perfects just another scar on the sad girls arm Were all working at different paces To end up in the same sick sad place We’re wasting space while we take up time Forgetting that we'll all fall in line We all die and were scared to admit it I’m not productive but I’m not pissed Because I don’t really give a shit About anything or anybody anymore I’d rather have a good time dying Than have to hurt myself to keep on lying Lying to everybody about who I am pretendins that all you care about is them We’ll all fall down to the end of death And you’re the only one it’ll forget It’ll leave you here to suffer in your self Everybody’s gone and you’ve got no one left to lie to You’ve killed off every friend you’ve tried for And at last you fall at the feet of death Begging and pleading that you’ll just forget About the time you’ve wasted Wasting people’s time trying to make them alright Were all fucked up but so are you Worry about yourself because the rest die too.

trying to tie down the impossible to impress fake myself and fall to worthless ive got enough stress to keep me drunk for 3 more years only chemicals will put my washed out tears to rest my messed up minds so infested with your worthless words and drawn out speeches youve made a fucking philospophy out of being a better person than me youll say im wrong for disagreeing but the guilt of lyings to much for me how can you say youre here to stay then turn your back and run away dont say youll stand by me then fuck me over for conformity its wrong to have my own opinion and its rude to be myself fuck you, hate me like everybody else you dont a have a single thought to call your own laugh it off and keep telling youreslf its nothing personal. i like this one. i dont htink it sounds that great but i really got a lot of stress and shit off my back when i wrote it. tell me if you like it puhlease and any 'constructive critisism' would be awesome

god, i havent been able to write one decent thing forever! to me, decent isnt even if it sounds good or not, decent is getting my emotions out and writing something that explains how i feel. i have so many emotions right now on so many things that when i try to write them out, they all cross each other and my words get all confused and i just get pissed off and my writings end up being like "fuck all of this i hate the world" because i get so angry :(. anybody got any tips to get rid of this frusteration and a way to sort out my stupid thoughts? help

well walk down to the highway with flowers in our hair and were laughing and were crying but everythings alright we were going to the highway tonight and well sit up in the grass talking about our shitty pasts and we all know theres a long way to go but im just fine with right now well sit back and watch cars go by for a while this is the best day watching the headlights were going to the highway tonight and well all lay back and look up at the stars wondering who we all are who am i and who will i become and well talk about what were scared of and what were running from were taking off our masks of deceit and breaking through our walls of concrete this is it were coming clean because we are each others memories for once in a lifetime were all honesty i hope youre ready, because this is finally me.

hello there, how have you been? oh youve forgotten about me? we were only best friends... hey there, remember me? we told each other everything i know all your secrets and dreams what have you been doing all these years? me? ive been living with my biggest fears yeah you see ive ended up all alone im afraid of commitment and being on my own im as unreliable as i used to be and im still scared to death of eternity i figure itll all be over soon enough but these past few years have been a little rough maybe if i hadnt forgotten about everybody or if they hadnt forgotten about me id have a reason for being but ive wound up with a shitlist of reasons for leaving hey, its okay for not believing in me i wasnt worth it anyway well it was nice seeing you again its fine that you forgot we were even friends youre just another dissapointment this one sucks but im hoping ill rewrite it

fuck you, for changing your mind fuck me, for wasting our time im sorry i wasnt more worthwhile appologies wont compensate for the energy we put to waste suddenly im too out of style for you what brought upon this abrubt break of painfully unexpected distaste did you pick my biggest enemy just to shove it in my fucking face? i promise i didnt think itd last but i hide my dissapointment with a mask of jealous glares and a bullshit act youre just another thing to add to my list of let it go's and get over it's

pay attention to your breathing patterns before they decide to stop all together forget to trust and fuck forever pinky swears and promises never really mattered your chest is so weighed down with guilt for pleasure youve taken every whisper to a whole new measure every friendship that youve crushed every bullshit story youve reinvented every fucking lie youve fabricated all of it shot you straight to hell and im watching you fall as youre screaming that youre sorry, you really mean it fuck you, i dont believe it keep on falling, keep on screaming how about the time you turned everybody against me it hurt so much and you didnt feel a thing all you did was hold me back and theres nothing left but a liars debris

nothing by a vacant sky, street signs and cigarettes dirty jeans and the cars cassettes its a long walk home when you cant forget your infinate list of useless regrets replay every word and whisper again cosby reruns and now and then youve wrapped yourself up in the past disgusted by this role you play youre alone like everyone, another outcast another ignorant kid wanna break away were all ignorant and were all alone we all want a little place to call our own all the outcasts common society lets get together and toast to sobriety its our first night and its alright we weve filled the lonely streets turned off all the fucking repeats all the outcasts meet the dead beats all the burn outs meet the mathletes nobody fits in here anyway and were all, alright

so you want to hear my history? bullshit friends, lies, and deciet you want to know my memories, tear soaked tissues and bloody sleeves broken promises and spineles confidantes lonely nights i tried to hide it missing memories hardly half spent kill myself from that one moment your fucking lies left me so lonely its about time to get the fuck over it so smoke that cigarette you lit lick up the poison that you spit build yourself an ocean of pity and then drown in it let me know what you think, please?