No one will read this, but i got bored at the end of the week and I wrote a story. I’ve always dreamed of becoming a writer. Ever since I was a little chubby toddler it’s interested me. Writing was always first in my life…my books The True Balance and Honest November were on the bestseller list. Wait, lets back it up, start from the beginning. My name is Patrick Murphy. I have published two books, I write music and lyrics for my band Shoveling Newman, and I have the greatest job in the world. I do what I really enjoy. I show up to Loki University and talk about books to undergrads. Loki University, my place of residence and work. It’s a small college, smaller than the 700 kids in my senior class in high school. Loki did a very good job of landscaping the school. It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever been too. It’s where I met Emily. Ah…Emily. Easily the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met. I saw her sitting on a bench near my house, reading Gravity’s Rainbow. Her hair looked like pure gold with the sun hitting it from the perfect angle. Everything about her was gorgeous. “You’re not the kind of girl I’d expect to read Pynchon.” I commented with a sarcastic tone. “Looks aren’t a cover up for smarts…. Mr.?” “Murphy, but please call me Patrick.” “Well, Patrick, you can make up for that comment and pick up at 8 ‘o clock, say Friday.” Wow, just like that, a date. I guess my day went well then, didn’t it? I must have shut everything out of my brain just thinking about Emily. There’s a lot about Emily I don’t understand, even after dating her for two years. I fell asleep with Emily stuck in my mind. I was wondering what kind of a girl she was. She certainly seemed like a sweetheart. Just from that short talk I could tell she was the kind of girl I was after. I guess I’d just have to wait and find out. I could care less about her looks, but man was she gorgeous. I don’t think I’d ever met someone more classically beautiful. Her hair glowed in the sun like a light everyone wanted to see. I couldn’t catch the color of her eyes; I was too busy admiring her. And if she had the personality, I was hers. That whole week I looked forward to seeing her again. I lost all strains of thought during class. The students carried the class, instead of the other way around like it normally was. I was thinking only of that date. I don’t even know if it was a date. If it’s not a date, what is it? Was a meeting, a social event with a member of the opposite sex, or just her wanting to talk about literature? I didn’t even know who she was. I mean I only met her a couple of days ago. I might as well tell you about my social, work, and personal lives. I’m a professor, and I teach many classes. Creative Writing is by far the worst. All girls seem to think that since they have the “cute” and “girly” personality that they can write. Some people need to realize that there are more things to write about than whining and bitching. I also teach English Lit and American Lit. American Lit is just the stuck-up rich kids who try to seem smart but they never read the assigned reading and get no higher than B-‘s. English Lit, on the other hand, is my favorite class. These are the students who brighten my day; they know what they are talking about. I start talking about one subject and nothing else gets done. Three full classes were spent talking about Thomas Pynchon’s Gravity’s Rainbow. I was expecting the students to dislike the book very much, but they understood and grabbed the meaning quicker than any other class I have taught. I wouldn’t say I had a social life, not until I met Emily that is. My days were spent grading papers, writing lesson plans, reading and writing. My Friday nights were my music nights. This is the place where I shined more than anywhere. I was told I was skillful at poems. I’m in a band called Shoveling Newman. I’m a bass player, you know, the laid back, “cool” one in the band. I have a Fender Jazz Bass with a blue agave finish. Holden Elnicki, a fellow professor in political science, is the drummer. I went to college and high school with him, we’ve been friends for a long time. He’s the kind of person that everyone looks at when he says something, but these stares are of shock and amazement. He’s brutally truthful. Most people think of the drummer as the one everyone hangs out with, the most liked one in a band…Holden is the exact opposite with the public. Any one that doesn’t know him stays away, but those who do see him as the coolest person alive. Holden Elnicki is a strange man. He’s only 27, but he’s aged in the mind more than anyone I know. He’s been known to get in arguments with self-proclaimed philosophers and shutting them down. He may act older than he his, but he certainly looks younger than he is. His first year teaching at Loki was two after mine, and he was often mistaken as a student by the older Profs. Holden doesn’t like being called less than he is, and this is why he has a reputation for making others mad. Holden has a great ability to fool others with his young looks and sub-average height. People pushed him aside all his life, and he’s been sick of it since he graduated. He’s been the driving force behind the band. He’s the one who brought in Liam. Liam isn’t exactly, well, the talkative type. He was in 2 of my classes, Creative Writing and English Lit a semester before. Although Loki holds small classes, I never talked to Liam. He kept to himself, never told anyone anything more than what was needed, never wasted ones time. No one knew much about him; he came from a very small high school, 75 graduates in his senior class. He may not have said much in person, but everything he wrote was above everyone else. He stood out in Creative Writing; he was the only creative one. I felt bad for him in that class, he was stuck with the fussy, gossipy girls. They all wrote about romance and love, not knowing how to write, and writing about something that’s not new or creative. Liam’s work was outstanding, but he never bragged, never showed anyone his grades. He knew his talents and his limits. I never would have guessed he had the best voice I’ve ever heard in my life. Holden knew Liam, somehow. Holden seemed to be the only one who talked to him; they got along very well. After hearing his voice, Holden and I decided to let him join. It was a strange mix. A bass, drums, and vocals…at least I thought that was it. Liam never told us he played guitar until two months later, when he wrote a song for us to try out. His guitar was a sight to be seen. An original 1960’s Gibson Les Paul. The best sounding guitar I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard a lot of guitars. He played the guitar like he’d been playing it for years upon years, and I soon found out he started when he was only four. Liam was exactly what we needed. He ended up being the best musician in the band. He had a talent for writing songs that were lacking heavy guitar, but you still got the sense the guitar was important. He reminded me of Britt Daniel of Spoon. Smooth. We were a bass driven band; accented perfectly by the brilliant drums of Holden. For everything we wrote on drums and bass, Liam always fit the guitar perfectly. He transformed the song from an idea to a masterpiece. All right, maybe not a masterpiece but it was pretty damn good music. I wrote lyrics, never too much, just something that fit the mood of the song. Everything accented something. The way music should be. Everything that was my life all started back in elementary school, Icarus Elementary School. My life started and revolved around music. My oldest brother, Ian, introduced me at a young age. He was seven years older than I, the only person I looked up to, the only one who looked after me. When I was five, he played me the Doors. I quickly fell on love with music. All through school I grew into more music and more bands: The Doors, The Beatles, Oasis, REM. The list went on an on. At Icarus Middle, I became the kid no one knew. Everyone listened to pop music or rap, so I stayed in the corner and did what I wanted too, my musical taste always growing. It wasn’t until high school that I understood what music could be. The greatest person I’ve ever met showed all this to me. Mr. Albus, my 9th grade English teacher. He showed me the light. Spoon, Dismemberment Plan, Koufax, Broken Social Scene, The Stereo, and many, many more. This was also the class in which I met Holden. Icarus School District was large, seven elementary schools, three middle schools, and two high schools. I knew a quarter of the kids in my class from my high school, so I knew about one eighth of the kids in my graduating class. Holden and I were the only ones who understood each other. No one paid attention to us, and we didn’t complain. High school wasn’t exactly kind to Holden. He didn’t like that place, and it seemed to hate him. I didn’t do too badly. I had a girl friend for the majority of high school. She was awesome, loved music as much as I did. We hung out a lot, and Holden was always there with us. We were the only ones who cared for more than friends and gossip; we grew up knowing each other, teaching each other, making each other laugh. My life in high school was Holden and Mel. I loved Mel, I really did, and I guess I still do, but she broke my heart. She left for some one else. I’m over it now, and I don’t care to go into details. Lets just say I almost didn’t make it past high school because of that. My childhood brought me to College. Holden and I didn’t plan it, but we both got into Dionysus University. I still fear that place. We roomed together all 4 years, and people started to understand us. College was great. Good grades, good friends, and awesome parties. It was during college that I wrote Honest November. It wasn’t until a year after college, during grad school, that it got published. I don’t understand why it did; I think it’s horrible. It’s a classic love story gone awry. Somehow people liked it, and it made it to the bestseller list. After putting up with grad school and two years without Holden, I got hired to teach at Loki U. I was 23. Holden and I were lucky; he got hired two years later, when I was 25. Good luck, I guess. It’s amazing what happens when you don’t plan it. Loki was a good place. Like I said earlier, it’s where I met Emily. It was that first “date” on that Friday, I’ll never forget it, as long as I life. It was wonderful. She had it planned out since the day she told me to pick her up at 8. I did as she asked. She told to leave the car in the driveway and that we were going to walk everywhere. I forget what I wore, but I’ll never forget her absolute beauty that night. She wore a green blouse and khaki’s. It was her eyes that caught my site that night, though. It was the green blouse that let her eyes shine. Every time she looked at me she became more and more beautiful. I hadn’t noticed where we were walking, and I didn’t care at the moment. We ended up in town. There was a small town outside of the university. She took me into a bar. I was wondering, at this point what was going on? We sat down at a table, and a waitress approached. Emily signaled her away. “Why’d you bring me here, I’ve been here plenty of times,” I asked her. “Because you can learn more about me here than anywhere else.” “When your drunk?” “Did I say we were going to drink? We are going to order dinner, and we are going to talk. You’re going to learn more about me by the way I act in and what I eat than by asking me everything. I like to show people that’s there’s more than one way of learning something about someone.” As strange as it seemed at the time, it makes sense now. I never thought of looking at how someone acts towards you. From a single dinner, I found out more about Emily than I thought possible in a night. She loves classical rock. She’s always happy, always excited to see the people she knows. She listens to what you say, she tells you what she thinks. Her personality is far more attractive than her beauty, something that I thought would be impossible. Minute by minute I liked her more and more. She always knew what to talk about, and she always knew what she was talking about. This girl seemed to be too much. No, better yet, this girl seemed to be exactly what I wanted. After dinner, we walked back to her apartment. At this point, I started feeling more comfortable talking to her. She was one of the few people I’ve met that takes everything you say into account. Even better than that, she listens and helps you. Few people do that, most wait for their turn, but she listens, and comments. She develops the conversation with you; she joins in and talks her mind. There more I talked to her, the more I realized how intelligent she was. That was the greatest night of my life. It’s farther back than I thought, but there’s been a lot going on since then. Emily and I started dating. Holden didn’t like her as much as I thought her would. His wasn’t like Holden, Mel, and I. I guess he didn’t trust her. Every time she was at my house, he always left. I couldn’t figure it out. I don’t think he understood the feelings I had for her. I don’t know what love is, but no one has ever made me feel this way. I walk with her, silence between us, just holding hands, and I feel like I have everything I want next to me, everything I care about is right there. I’m touching everything I’ve longed for; I feel happy when I’m with her, even if I was in a horrible mood the whole day. “I love her, Holden.” I was trying to make him see what he was unable to. I feel like an ass about it now. “You don’t love her, you have a crush…a crush that you need to get over.” His grin was pissing me off. “I’ve never felt this way before, Holden, I love this girl, everyone else sees it but you. Just look at me. I’m happier than I’ve ever been before. I’ve written better words, I’ve thought better thoughts. I’ll even go as far as say I dream better dreams.” “Don’t give me that crap, Patrick. Don’t tell me your even fooling even yourself.” “What the hell do you have against Emily, Holden? She’s the best person I’ve ever met. She’s everything any man should want.” “She’s not what I want, Pat, and she’s not someone I want in my life.” “Holden, have you ever been in love? Do you know the feeling? Do you not realize that she means everything to me.” With those questions I took it too far. Holden just walked out the door. This is just what I needed. I was already on the verge of losing my job. Losing my best friend was not something I needed, or wanted. Of course, who wants to lose a friend of any form? At the time I thought I was over reacting…I never saw Holden again. On his way home a drunk driver went through a red light and hit Holden’s car. Holden died of blood loss and complications. Looking back on it, I really regretted saying those things. I felt guilty for his death. What if I hadn’t asked him those questions, he would have left later; he’d still be alive. Emily was the only who comforted me. She was there, whenever I needed her, so she was certainly there when I needed her most. Holden had been my best friend since the 9th grade, since we we’re fifteen. I’d known him for half my life. His birthday was two days after mine. I thought about the last conversation we had, and I thought about if a really loved Emily or not. I thought about it for weeks, I didn’t go to teach, I didn’t pick up my bass. My life halted for a month. I didn’t leave my house, and I didn’t let any one in. I don’t know how Emily felt about that, but I think she understood. In one month, my life was in shambles. I lost my job at the end of the semester, my best friend died, and my band never found a new drummer that could match Holden. I wrote another book, in all my free time. I wrote it about Holden and my friendship with him. I respectively called it Holden. It never got published, but I submit it to publishers nonetheless. I lost the most important thing in my life, my best friend. And the whole time I had someone who cared for me as I cared for Holden, except I loved this one. I would die for her, but it ended up the other way around. All I can think of is her, and how much I miss her, and how I want to be with her. I would give anything to be with her and Holden is heaven, but first I must finish my time on earth. I must suffer through life so I can be with them at death. It hurts, but I’ll survive, and I’ll meet them again before my life is over, for I know they watch over me from high above. I went on with my life. Holden died when I was 29, and Emily when I was 31. Three weeks before her death I proposed; she said yes. Those were the happiest three weeks of my life. I found a new job teaching at my old high school. I seemed to get along better teaching high school students they were more fun. They seemed to have the ability to understand, but they couldn’t always grasp the meaning of what I was teaching. It was better having students who made mistakes and students that helped them out. Teaching at Icarus for those first two years was great. When Emily died, it saddened me more than anything. And I knew that I was suffering without her, but she was in a better place where we could be for eternity. As long as I think of Emily, my life is great. She helps me even when I can’t be with her, I smile when I think of her. She was always the reason for my happiness. And I finally got to spend eternity with her and Holden after 37 more years on earth. I never got married, and I never had kids. Loki University rehired me when I was 42. By this time I was a well-known author. Many people read all my books; they were normally on the bestseller list. Every day I went to eat at that little bar where I had my first date with Emily. Every time I went, I relived that night, and that was an amazing feeling. I guess it was my way of saying I loved her, and that I missed her. Everyday for 38 years I ate lunch at Brew’s. Then one day, I finally ate lunch with Emily and Holden, and that was the greatest day since I met Emily. I finally get to be with her for as long as I possibly can.