Hmm... well, life. I just seems to be tootling along not really getting anywhere, with all these hopes and dreams and ambitions, that I know will never happen, and I just wonder what the hell I'm doing. My life seems to be so damn insignificant that it doesn't really seem worth it. Now, I'm not going to get all melodramatic and say that nobody would even notice if one day I just wasn't there, but I just feel like nobody really appreciates me being here, and I don't want to have to wait to find my place. Hmm... rant over, enjoy your holiday everyone x x x

OK, I officially hate November I had my doubts when it started, I mean, I screwed everything up so bad last November that I just knew that for the whole of this one I'd have bad memories of it. I know that sounds so lame, and you're probably thinking that I'm making such a fuss, and I'd never even notice. But November has that special Novembery feeling, what with it getting dark early, and starting the think about Christmas and whatnot. And, somewhat unsurprisingly if you know me at all: there's a guy I like! Only I'm about 98% sure nothing's ever going to happen there, which is just depressing. And I really can't be bothered with anything. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even bothering with school. I mean, the whole going to uni and getting a real job is just my back-up plan, so why should I waste all this time and effort on something I don't really want, when I could be making an effort to pursue my dreams? But I guess I'm just scared that I won't get anywhere, and I'll just end up another dumb blonde essex girl stacking supermarket shelves, just like daddy said i would. Well that's all from me for now.

Had to have a huuuuuuge mug of coffee to wake me up this morning/afternoon. Happy new year folks, hope it's a good one. x x x x

Well it has been a long time since I last left an entry here. Sorry if anyone was wanting one, although I doubt anyone was, but I was having issues and it wasn't letting me update. Well it's house winter games today, which means sitting out in the freezing cold watching people playing hockey and netball. We decided to come in and play in the computers instead. A lot is going on at the moment. There's another guy, and thins time I think there's a chance of something happening. But I'm not sure I want it to. And everyone is prying and wants to know whats going on so they can mock me, but nothing is going on, and I don't know what I'm going to do, and thats THE TRUTH! Also I have three books I need to take back to the library and I have a HUGE fine. £17.76! Ouch! I have my mocks in two weeks time, which means that I should really be revising, but I'm really not. Ah wellI will bet round to it in the end, I'm sure. I think that's about all. I'm glad I've got that off my chest. What do you want for Christmas? God Bless

Yes. I am ill. Which is rathe pooey, becasue I had been trying to go for a whole term without missing any school, to get out of my terrible sciving habits, but that kinda fallen a part now. I thought I had got through the random-everyone-being-ill-ness, but no. Oh well. There's a band coming to church tonight and I really wanted to go, but I can't cos I', grounded. Ah well. I seem to say that a lot. I am being very boring today and I feel like everyone is getting really annoyed at me for complaing about everything, so I'm sorry if I am. Well, life is good. God Bless

It's my 14 and a halfth birthday today. I have exams in two weeks time, and I know I reall should be revising. But I just can't be bothered. Like a lot of things really. Like updating my diary. Thats all for now

Exactly what it says on the label.

Well, I'm still here. There is no-one online! So I thought I would come and write yet another boring little short entry to clog up th internet. I should be at my cell group. But it's in Chelmsford and we get the minbus from church, and I missed it. So I really shouldn't complain about being bored, because its my fault I'm not at out. Even though it's really not my fault, it was just an accident, but I'll take the blame anyway. My novel is going really quite well at the moment. I have loads of great ideas, with the help of my beautiful idea thinker upers Poodle and Claude. I should really write them down so I don't forget them all, but I'm sure I'll manage. TTFN

Hehe! I'm an angel! Not a lot is going on at the moment. I just felt like I should probably update, because certain peoples get annoyed when I don't. And I'm an angel, so I just smile back sweetly and update right away. Or not Oh well.

I woke up this morning and smiled. It was great. Well, I woke up loads of times, cos it was a school morning and i kept swithing my alarm off for another five minutes. But when I finally realised that I had better get out of bed, otherwise I would never be awake in time for my biology test lesson one, I just smiled and got out of bed. Last night was good. I didn't do anything, I just talked to people on msn, and had a rather noce conversation with a certain young gentleman. Basically he said something that made me think that maybe something might happen between us. He was probably joking, but it made my feel confident and really hopeful about the future. And that made my have good dreams. I'm not sure exactly what was going on, but I was at school and Andy was there wearing character shoes, which was just a little wierd, but it made me laugh all of today. I wish life could always be like this. I mea, I got a bit depressed this afternoon, because I realised that nothing was ever ever going to happen. But now, when I'm feeling hopeful again, I don't really care what happens. All that really matters at the moment is that I'm happy. I keep felling at the moment that really little things matter. Like for example, my mum bought this microwave meal that looked really nice, and I wanted to eat it, and I thought that I would have an opportunity to some day when no-one could be bothered to cook. But then my mum took it to work for her lunch, and was really sad that I couldn't have it. And I keep having to tell myself that It really doesn't matter, and my life will go on if I don't eat it! Well thats all from me for now Ciaou!!!

Weeeel... another diary entry, and not a lot to write in it... Well, life is good, mostly. There are always bad things in life, I guess, I just ignore them most of the time. But its hard to ignore them when they're actually happening... but that's another matter. I'm really bored of my hair at the moment. I want to have something different done to it, but I don't know what. Any suggestions? Well... until next time x x x

I scare myself. I think I know myself, then I see a brand new side of me. And then I confuse myself cos none of it fits together. So, I'm the kind of person who likes to close the door on the world, be by myself, sorgt my owns problems out and live my own life. I love to drift off into daydreams and I long for those hours that I can spend daydreaming uninterupted. And those daydreams are mine and I never share them with anyone. But then I have loads of friends (well, it seems like that to me) and I enjoy being with them (most of the time). And I love spending my free time with them (as aposed to school time) which makes no sense But although I have loads of friends, I don't feel that I have any close friends. I look around and everyone seems to have one or two people who they tell everything, and I feel like an outsider. And thats what I long for: a soulmate. But I don't see me ever having one. I can see tonight being one of those nights when I cry myself to sleep. Not because I'm sad, not because I'm insecure or anything like that, I just get so confused. It's strange, I can never normally cry, but every month or so I just start and can't stop. I guess I do see crying as a weakness, but I also believe that it is only when I am weak that Christ makes me strong. So I feel that maybe I should cry more often (how wierd am I?) xxx PS Remeber: 'Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself' Matthew chapter 6 verse 34

At school. YEY!! Can't really be bothered to do anything. I probably should, but frankly no-one really cares anyway. I no it's a bit late, but happy new year anyway. I hope you all had fun celebrations and stuff. And good luck keeping all your new years resolutions.

Haven't washed, wearin yeaterdays undies... t joys of last minute sleepovers. You see, we were at Becky's party last night. It was so great! Posh dinner party, you wouldn't think that it would be so much fun, but it really was. An d we all ate so much, and got completely hyper and did funky dancing all night. Well, til 10 anyway. but my mum couldn't really be bothered to come pick me up (thanks!)so I went round to Roz's for a sleepover with Zoë. And on the 17th was Zoë's party. We had a murder mystery, which was just the coolest thing in the world. Me and Susie wnt over on Friday night and helped cook. We were up til midnight doing the deserts! FUN! And we all went round Susie's on the 23rd. Her whole church went round for a Christmas party thingy, and so we all went as well. Much fun was enjoyed by all. And there was the youth group dinner party, which was great but there were so many candles. And I was surrounded by pyromaniacs. It was a little scared to say the least. But I'm not doing anything tonight, which really really sucks. You would think that if I can get invited to so mant Christmas/birthday parties there would be just one person to invite me to a new years party. But no. So I am fated to be a reject, watching the countdown on TV with my family. yey! Well, happy new year everyone. I am such a ponce! (but it's more fun than being common [love raz xxx])

It's Sunday. You probably guesed that already though. I like Sundays. I don't really do an awful lot. Go to church. Sit on the post box. Chat. Occasionally update my diary. This afternoon im going to my mats Susie's, cos we're doing this dance at her church anniversary next weekend. We really need to practise! The best thing about Sunday's is that I see Andy. I just sit there for and hour and a half discreetly staring at him. Ussually the back of his head. But its all gorgeous! That makes me happy! Hmm... Bye xxx

My back ithes! I am so tired too! And bored. I don't really know what to say. Not a lot is happening in my life at the moment. Other than English coursework, of course! lol. My jokes are so funny! Yeah, maybe not! I made pizza today. Then I ate it. It was quite nice, but they were really random shapes. I have two weeks to but six Christmas presents. And knowing me, I won't go Christmas shopping for at least another three weeks. Hmm... Oh well. 'Til next time! Bye!

I slept over at my mate Cat's last night.We actually got to sleep quite early, but It's amazing how tired I geton so much sleep. Like last Friday night, I slept for more than 12 hours, but on Saturday i was still exhausted. But we had fun. We watched the Spice Movie, which was hillarious. Especially as certain people knew all of the words! Going to see The Legend of Zorro on Monday. should be fun. I watched a behind the scenes thing on TV and it looked really good. Hopefully I'll see Andy tomorrow! He's this guy at my curch, and I really fancy him. I told him at my youth camp in August, and have hardly spoken to him since. And I haven't seen him for two weeks, which really sucks. When I see him though its just like, yey! even though he'll naver feel the same way about me. O well. I'll get over him soon

Hey! I was reading a mate's diary a few days ago and I thought 2 myself, why don't I start my pwn diary? So I did. I will warn you know that this is likely to be the worst diary ever, but I will try my best. Please comment, I want to know what you people think. x x x x x