hey so i havent been on here in forever because ive been busy with stuff i moved to a new town where i live with my dad. i lost 2 of the best ppl in the world brandon moseley and Andy buckmaster...it was really hard after all of that. i really miss them there is just nothing i can do about anything anymore just live and miss them... i love them more then anything.. ummm i got a couple of b/fs and dumped them.lol...hehe...you know me... ummm yea i got new friends that are amazing and im glad that they are my friends and i love them to death.. my ex b/f want me back but he has a gf and she has no idea. lol...funny aye...but umm yea thats about it just this plus more and being emo like always....i loovvvee the emoboys they are amazing.. well hey i g2g love yous muah emokay

*The feelings you don’t know…* To determine the satisfactory of the loved ones words You can never tell because they speak of no such thing You are begging to figure out what it is that there thinking, What it is that makes them smile when nothing is said What is it that makes them think about you? And what is it that makes you think about them You can’t even answer your own question Like why is it that when they smile while their reading it makes me want them more It makes me feel like I need to know, I want to smile too, and maybe I just want to be next to you... Maybe I need to be next to you. But this is where it gets tricky Because you might think at the same time you want to be with them and they don’t want to be with you You can’t tell you get sad and they loose and smile and you loose that feeling because your worried what’s wrong and you want to know how their feeling instead of checking your feelings right now… So you just walk away, And they walk to you and ask the 4 famous words… What Is Your Problem? That’s when you say nothing then you admit there is a problem, That’s when the fight comes in and you say stuff that you don’t really mean.. Then you realize what you did and you take it back but they don’t take you back So your alone with no one but your self and that one person that you don’t have anymore, so you take them home and you don’t talk the whole way there and you stop the car, and turn your head and as your getting ready to talk the door shuts You take your hands and realized how bad of a person you really are So you go home and check your messages and there isn’t any You take the phone and call them and they don’t answer either so you leave a message and there listening to it and deleting them as your leaving it. Then you fall on your bed listening to music replaying it all over once more You think about it so hard it becomes a night mare A night mare that wakes up to a kiss good morning and an, I forgive you afternoon… I wrote this during study hall and that is that... oh yea and tuesdays and fridays i have to see my new theropist my life is fucked up now, ever since everything happened, with the ex's and shit like that.. well i g2g im too emo for this right now.... much emo love.. I slit my wrist for you~

Who Would Have Known Who would have known one beat of the heart can feel like one punch of the fist? Who would have known the kick of the beast could be measured by the lovers fist? The inside could be as cold as the winter night, And the moon is as bright as the evening star. Time running by the second as death appears. My life fades away like it was never even their. Feeling like killing myself was the only way out. Who would have now one slit of the wrist was like one more chance of saying goodbye? To the chance that was never even giving to a girl like me. Never given a chance to speak my own words. Maybe of wisdom or maybe not. Who would have know it could all come at once? All of it at one time. In so many word, but so little to say. It all comes out with the pain of the sacrifice. Who would have known it would all come out in the end? The end of a self-fish girl like me. Who would have known I wanted you this bad and didn’t even know? Waiting for the chance to come back again! Who would have know, It’s by me, A girl who lives a fantasy. i wrote this for my ex, because they were the best but now i don't have them because they say that they can't take me being soo emo like, and i can't take it all because they are the worst but im still in love with thaem i put that on everything... well hey i g2g ittyl muah BlackEmo

hey damn it has been awhile since i have been on here..but yea there has been a lot were do i start??hehe... so last week trish's b/f moved in with her from michigan well he has to get his stuff well they asked me if i wanted to go and i was like hell yea...i never been to michigan and i wanted to get out of the house...well so wendesday i made a choice not to go to school friday so that means thursday after school we leave...well my mom was texting me during school and told me that she got me some presents..hehe..and so last period me and trish were texting and she was outside waiting for me and i was just soo excited to go...omg you don't even know...it was amazing..so we go to my house i see my presents and shit and then get packed and we are on the road...i couldn't quit smiling i was soo fuckin happy all i was thinking was michigan...i had butterflies in my stomach i was so EXCITIED..so we're driving and trish says your gonna miss it when we get to michigan cause i was sleepin and i was like tell me when you see the thing and she did and her b/f almost went deaf because me and trish were screaming but i think i over powered her because i was so flipping excitied...hehe..so finally we get to her b/f's apartment and meet his room mate who is kick ass...it was pretty late so we went to bed.. and then the next day we went driving and went and got his friend who is a funny ass mother fucker..omg he was a pisser..he made us laugh soo much he was just the best...umm...so we went to the mall and they got a weird mall but it was a big ass mall...so we got some stuff then we had to wait so his friend could go get his hat that he bought because he was getting it made...umm then we dropped him off went home then went back and then met his friends room mates which are cool as fuck too..then we stayied there... saturday we left at like 10 in the morning...then we had to go back to the apartment and get ready because trish's b/f's friend was haven a party and we were goin to it..well we decided to get food to kill time and they have a fuckin little ceasers and we don't have that here..so we got that and shit...and then we went back to the apartment ate then got ready and went back over...so since me and trish were the girls that means we had to do the dish's..yey..not...so then we left went to the store and back to the apartment...so i was talkin online when trish came in and said that we were leaveing again..sowe went back over there..and there were people that we didn't meet yet so we met them and then partied more people showed up and as soon as we knew it the electricity went out cause of the snow...and so we had a kick ass time with that...and then we left.. sunday we got everything packed and we were on the road to back home... well hey i g2g but that was the weekend theres more but i left it out too much to say...ittyl bye!

hey it has been crazy since the last time i wrote.. i mean we have to do stuff with the wedding that is in 2 days and that is stressful as fuck.. Cause i mean we had like a month maybe less to get everything and plan.. that is just sux but she wanted the kids to be in the wedding and they went and got them last night and idk how that was because i didn't go like i was supposed to because i wanted to see the kids but that didn't happen cause we didn't get the truck we got the car and that was the worst oh well... Well i got a boyfriend and his name is Jon i didn't remember if i told you about him but yea i am now! Anyways i didn't talk to him for like 3 days and i decided to call him so i didn't and comes to find out he was stabbed by some guy that knows him he just don't know them, so yea he got stabbed in the back and has stitches and that is all about that because it wasn't as serious as it could have been. i mean was but it wasn't but i'mm still a little worried about him!!! We went christmas shopping and got a couple things i bought all my friends there gifts, i had to take some back because i and some people don't talk anymore so that gave me some more money to work with.. I should have a new place in a month or sooner because that is when i go to my new school! kinda excited but then kinda not.. so it should be different so yea.. But yea my brother, leigha, and the kids are on there way over so i got to go get ready cause it is the first time i have seen them since this summer..Well that is it i will ttyl..ok bye for now!

hey there is nothing really that much around here not that much to say just bored and wanted something to do but i'll catch you up on some new news.... Well lets see monday i didn't have school so i stayed home and talked to people my mom wasn't home cause she was out of state again. We got a new place we just have to move in and shit so it should be ok. It has 2 beds and 2 baths so yea it's nice. i talked to a couple people about this weekend because i'm supposed to go to a friends house or imight just stay home all night i haven't really decided... Tuesday i went to school came home from school and got online so that i can check my mail becasue that is the only way that i talk to my friend kurstin she is cool but has a lot of problems so i talk to her when i have time or when she is online. Wendesday i went to school came back home, got online and checked my mail again, then i got off line and then a couple of people called me so then i talked to them for a while and shit and then i went to bed... So yea nothin really exciting happen just really bored. i don't talk to people that much anymore i've been bsy but i do sometimes at night but that is it.. well hey i g2g ittyl bye

Hey i'm bored as fuck i helped my friend try to fake a new midterm it was funny, i love this chick to death and we couldn't find the right font then her 5th period she got it and the she did it and it looked real... it was the best i have ever seen.. so yea that was that for school... When i got home i got online then i was like fuck it so i went to bed, then i woke up and got back online and i forgot that i was goin to my sisters tonight so i took a shower and talked to a couple peoople... well that is it for now i will tell you more when i go over there to end the night.. bye

Hey i know it's been a while, but i have been haven some problems.. I have been in and out of the hospital for new medical problems everytime i turn around it fuckin sucks so bad...so this weekend i was with trish and her friend brandy well she's my friends too but anyways me and trish made it to this person's house before brandy and andrew well they were pullin up and at the same time i feel down the stairs they added up to two stories and i feel down them i have bruises and cuts all over and it hurt like crazy.. i mean i didn't feel it at first because i went into shock so i didn't feel anything until i calmed down...I'm moving i'm goin to transfer schools..i'm goin from z-ville to lebanon..I got to get out of here i mean it is all too much and i can't take all the bull shit no more.. i know i'm running from my problems but i really don't give a fuck just as long as i don't have to worry about them anymore, you know??? yea but me, my mom, and jim are moving into an apartment in lebanon, im excited!! that is all that is important is that i'm happy with what i'm doin so you know... But i have been hanging out with trish a lot more she is the only person that i hangout with, it's not that i don't have any friends it's that i'm too busy with her for them but i don't care because she is my best friend in the fuckin world and i'm always here for her when she needs someone... i mean she is always there for me, and we are so much a like which is a good thing because i wouldn't be the way i am with her if we weren't..i mean we aren't a like we just it's hard to explain i mean you would have to see us together then you would know what i'm talkin about..lol.. but yea like if she wasn't like what she is now i probably wouldn't have told her as much as i did or have.. Anyways my brother is getting married on December 19, 2005 and i'm the brides maid, well one of them and i'm pretty excited about that... tina, leigha, and i are goin to the mall this weekend so that me and tina can get dresses..i don't like them but i have to, my mom said that she was taken a shit load of pictures as black mail and i'm like what the fuck.. but i don't care.. Leigha and my brother have to meet her ex-husband half way from mississippi so like kentucky or somewhere so that they can get her two kids(michael 6, Elania 3)... they are gonna be in the weddin too, and you probably know what they are gonna do so i don't have to tell you... But yea that is it really umm i g2g i'll just ttyl.. ok have a good day and be back l88er... bye

There is something that everyone has and it's a reason! Someones got a reason for me to be here today, What is it and why is it so important? It has to be a good reason, if i'm stuck here with all of this. Someones got a reason for making fun of that one person, just because they aren't like you and don't have the same beliefs. Someones of a reason to be beat, no one knows why, but there is a reason. Someones got a reason for your bestfriend to die when you needed them the most, so now you have no ones sholder to cry on or to run to when things go wrong. Someones got a reason for that girl to lose her baby when she already had the name. Someones got a reason to stand up for what they believe in, because we are all different in our own way. Someones got a reason to want to do the things they do, even if they do break the rules. Someones got a reason to say there sorry, when they don't want to and really don't have a choice. Someones got a reason for why i want you so bad, so bad i wanna tell you everytime we talk, but i can't because of the way it might make you feel. Someones got a reason to love you, when you don't want them to, but they do they love you, you say i can't but you can you just won't try you never gave it one thought you just sat there and sighed. Someones got a reason why we are al together in an area where we can't save anyone but ourselves. Someones got a reason for all of these can you just tell use why? Someones got a reason for all of us today and thats why we don't trust anyone, thats why we all stand alone. Someones got a reason! i was bored during detention today so don't make fun of me i had nothin better to do...well ttyl bye...

Hey I know i haven't been around but it has been crazy but i'm not gonna get all into that... Um today i really didn't do anything i mean i went to school that was a first in idk how long, but it was ok everyone was really worried about me from what i was told. lol... but oh well.. Yea i went home and took an hour long nap, because preston called and was like yea Trish wants to know of i can give her your number and i was like she has it and he was like she doesn't now so i told him yea that i didn't care and then she called me.. i didn't think she would call me that fast but she did because i was just gettin ready to go back to bed but you know that didn't happen.. So she called and then she called some guy and we talked to him for a while then my mom told me that she needed the phone so i did.. then she was done and then i got online and talked to preston and trish and then got on to myspace.. i have one and hate myspace.. it's crazy people whoever reads this go to my info under my sn and go there.. And leave me a message.. well gey i g2g TTYL..Bye

Hey so yea it is my moms birthday and i had to go to the doctor today and that was the worst because i almost beat the shit out of him because he was puttin pressure where it hurt at.. i mean i know he was just doin his job but still it sucked so bad... then me and my mom had 2g2 my dads work and get the car so that we could go get my mom's b/f he is really nice but still it was weird... we went out to the buffet king it was good, then we walked over to wal-mart and got some stuff.. my friend jessica's b-day present for her party tomarrow, and i bought myself the book lovely bones. it is the best book ever i swear it...well after that we dropped him off and then me and my mom came home and then like she left... So then i got a phone call and my brother called me and yelled at me and was like give me moms # and i was like ok so i did and he called her on her b-day and went off on her over a bill that she already paid and then made and ass out of himself and it was all my dads fault because i was there when he called my brother and told him that and that was the worst.. so my mom called me crying and shit and that made me upset because that was so mean i couldn't beleive that.. it was her b-day for cryin out loud like who does that to there mom...And then when my dad got home i went off on him and then we got in a phyiscal fight and then i went to bed.. well hey i g2g ittyl peace kay

hey yea i was at school and then i left early because i had the worst pain in my whole fuckin life and it is so serious that i had to leave and it was the worst.. so my mom had to make a doctors apointment... Well as soon as we got back to my house... and my real dad was here and i was like oh that makes everything so much better let me tell you i wanted to die because of the pain and then had to deal with his shit.. Then him and my mom left because she had to take him to court because he is goin to jail soon... oh darn ask me if i care... Umm NO! i really don't i hope that he dies but that is just me.. well hey i g2g

Hey yea today was ok. i went to school and nothing really happened. I found out that this new chick who is really cute lives near me and i didn't know that until today she told me that during lunch. So yea so i came home and took at two hour nap.. it was nice until everyone started callin the house... Preston, Dustin, my dad, and then John so yea it was a crazy day. But then i was supposed to chill with him before he left but that didn't happen so you know it really doesn't matter.. It's probably the best thing because people don't want me to anyways.. so yea. i'm talkin to trish maken plans with her and we don't know what to do yet..i'm so bored as fuck cause there is nothing to do around here because i live in fuckin bum fuck egypt... but this new girl her name is brittany she is a sophmore and she is really cute.. She isn't like me and my friends.. she is smokes cigs, she has "partyed" but that is it only a couple of times she isn't a virgin and she lives near me..she is cool as hell i can't wait to hangout with her because i wanna see how she really is because she is all to herself and is really quit so you know.. But yea umm that is it i g2g ttyl..Peace

Hey today was ok i mean i came home took a shower, and just as i stepped in the phone rang so i answered it and it was randy he called me and told me that people were gonna come by and question me sooner or later. So i went threw the story with him and told him my story. So i called chelsea and chatted with her for a little bit and that was fun. but i got online after that and she juat got online when i did then trish imed me and we talked for a little bit, then i got off.. So then i just watch some t.v. and typed a 5 paragraph essay and around 6-6:30 i got back online and i talked to preston and i tried to talk to trish but she didn't answer me idk i don't care really because it wasn't my buisness what i was askin her for people. umm so i left for a while i went to krystals and she did my hair and then i called my friend Jen N. and i went over there and we "chilled".And i came back home around 9:30 and talked to preston a little bit longer and i'm supposed 2g2 his house tomarrow or see him before he leaves 2g somewhere for a job but i don't know.. But that more than likely isn't gonna happen so whatever. I don't really care.. That probably is for the best because everyone wants to think that he does things that he doesn't so idk what to do anymore... um yea then i smoked and went to bed.. but i g2g TTYL peace...

Hey Ok so Friday when Dave came and got me and Trish. We went to Avon and we went to Joey's and chilled there til like 4:30 but we got there at like 2:30 or 3 it was cool. I didn't know anyone except for Steve and i met him at Savannah's b-day party and he is so cool and funny as fuck... So Saturday my mom came and got me at like 9:30 in the morning it was bad because we got back at like 5.. Then i had to baby sit at like 12-4, cause my sister went to a lady that tells the future i forget what they are called... but yea and everything she said was true in some cases she didn't talk about anybody but me and i wasn't even there. It was creepy..(if you wanna know what she said then im me).. but anyways. I called Preston at 5 because he was supposed to be back well he wasn't and i found that out at like 8:48 and that is when he call my cell and told me. Then my mom woke me up and said that he was on phone and i was like ok..SO he told me that he was gonna come over at 4am and that he would call me on his way.. well that didn't happen because he didn't have a ride, because Ricky didn't have enough gas so i just was like w/e.. Sunday i am doin nothing today, except that i was supposed to hangout with Preston but people are stoppin him from hanging out with me. I admitt it i didn't want him to hangout with cici but i can't do anything about it and he basically told me that the only thing that is holding him back for me and cici to hangout with him is Tish. Trish thinks that i have crush on Preston and i don't. This is the first time to get to know the real Preston and when i get that chance people come up with all these things to think shit about me and Preston. Like i was told that people told cici that he cheated on her with me and other people no that's a lie. He was really honest to her and people don't think that about him and it hurts him. That is a reason why he doesn't trust people, and i can understand that. I worry about Preston i really do. I think that it bothers people and it shouldn't me and Preston are just friends. If people can't believe that then they aren't real friends. I try to take all this in but something is stoppin me and it's not me it's other people that are doin it. See say that Cici and Preston started hangin out together and she told him not to hangout with me i would agree because i did the same to her. yea i would be sad but in says i understand what she is and was goin threw. No i'm not taken her side or sucking up, i just sat there and thoguht about it i know what she is goin threw it's just that i'm goin threw it worse then what she is. But anyways cassie m. came over and she gave me Trenton tonight then she got him at like 11, because i have school tomarrow and there is no one that can watch him tomarrow while i'm gone so yea... Who-ever reads this i hope you get what i'm sayin..But thats about it umm.. well i g2g ttyl peace...

Hey yea today we got out of school early and no drama really happpened todayso it was a good day after all.. When i got home there was nothin to do so i just chilled my brother came over for a little bit.. Then aroun 7:30 We went out to buy cigs and i got 3 packs for 7 packs at speedway it was awesome.. really it was a dream come true... well part of a dream i told you about the others. So i came home and got on line because no one was home and my mom dropped me off.. well trish imed me and i asked if she wanted to chill and so i came over here out of all things.. My mom dropped me off well she went out for the night and she isn't goin home she is stayin in lubtucky too because she has to get me and take me to my sisters so i can baby sit. But yea so i get dropped off she gives me the cell phone so i can call her and have her come get me.. We talked to a lot of people like Preston, Chelsea, Serena, and Trish's friends that i didn't know.. but yea we are gettting ready to leave and dave w. is gettin us and chillin so that should be kinda cool.. well hey i g2g ttyl BYE

So last night i got in fight with eryn over that guy that she likes that, that girl that wanted to fight me slept with... Well today i she came up to me and was like are you still made at me and i was like yea... i mean wouldn't you be if you are just tryin to help a friend and she gets pissed and bitches you out because it's the truth like what the fuck.. so it was after 1st period and i always met my friend brittany and she is always there not eryn the other girl. so then eryn comes up and she was acting all buddy buddy with her being all nice and shit and i was like what the fuck.. right in front of me, i was like all that time i was gonna fight her for you and stcuk up for you and you are gonna pull all that shit.. lilke are you stupid. eww it pissed me off so bad. then she put her head on my sholder and i was like ok you want to quit touching me because i'm about to fuvkin kick your ass..it just pissed me off so bad... Then i get online and my friend Preston imed me and was like who is tellin trish that i'm sleepin with cici. I was like for one thing i don't talk to cici because i hate her.. and i haven't talk to trish in a couple of days because i've been talkin to him well he was like yea that's true. He had to im her today and talk to her about all this shit and she wouldn't talk to him. So she was the one pretty much made it seem that she was starting the shit, he asked her and she said no and all that shit.. i wanna just pin her to a wall. make it so i'm the last one she see's before i scratch out her eye balls and so all she can picture is my face because i'm the one that made her look like that and i'm the last one that she saw..hahaha.. but seriously i do..She needs to just stay out of my shit and buisness. i just hate drama.. i don't go to it, it comes to me and i hate it, that is why i'm moving so i won't have to go threw all this shit anymore i got to get away.. so thank god, but yea i g2g ittyl..peace

Hey today i'm at school in 3rd period. It's been an ok of a day so far i mean people that i know are starting shit and i am pissed the girl i was tellin you about on halloween we she likes to start shit.. Like she had sex with one of my friend eryn's guy on her b-day for 4 hours well they were drunk and she brags about it and starts stuff that she can't back up and it pisses me off. for one thing that was there first time they met and she even know him that is so nasty. Like she talks all this shit and then it all comes to me and then i have to be the one that takes care of it all and it pisses me off i just wanna beat the shit out of all of them so i won't have to deal with it.. you know.i can't wait til i move to lebanon because then i won't have to go threw all this shit i have my friends there and they are the best.. i hate it when shit comes down to all of this but it does and it pisses me off.. but i gotta dowhat i gotta do. well i talked to my friend preston last night he wasn't that happy but then he cheered up all of a sudden and it was great.. me and him and some other people are gonna have a party at my house this weekend, well not a party just a get together. you know?i g2g i'll be back well i'm back so yea the girl i was talkin about kept talkin shit and i was like shut the fuck up all you do is talk about all this and i don't want anything about it.. so i think she got my point... but i came home called my mom i was gonna get my permit today but no because she left before i got home so no, i called chelsea more drama for her from what she was sayin so i was like damn it never ends.. Randy told me last night to call him today after school and i did he is ok he has a cold but other than that he got 3 girl pregant since he's been out so he needs to keep his pants up but it's randy that ain't gonna happen.. but yea ttyl bye

Everyone has a place to go Me? I go to the under world. Where no one goes, everything is my own. Everyone has there own world but this is mine. A darkness of time that depends on life. Just to keep everything going. The river of blood that flows like my tears that fall as fast as the speed of light. The ground is warm but the air is cold. Not such as ice but cold enough to see my breath. It can be handled until time runs threw the clock. That tells you when you have to come back, back to a place called earth. Everyone has there time. My time is coming quick. So quick that it might knock me to a place i never wanna see. The pain doesn't compete with the broken heart of the little girl who wants a friend or someone to like her. Everybody needs someone. But only this has no one and that little girl...is me! I sit at this diary with nothing but myself in my under world. If you are invited then come in, or if not then leave me, leave me in my place i call the under world.