Shit!

It's already been almost a year since I've felt the need to write an entry that I deemed readable (if by anyone, that is) by people, though highly respected (:D), I do not know in real life.

FUCK.

I'm sad. Like, really fucking mopey and weeping. Sad. I miss my friends to death. I miss Wisconsin. I miss it. I'm stressed the fuck out. I'm absolutely broke and I have so many damned bills. Car insurance, car payment, speeding ticket (my fault. whatever.), car repairs, and nearly $700 to the state of Oregon because my fucking money is better spent on single women who (repeatedly) can't keep their legs closed for every other inmate out on parole they see at the bar. Sure, you go right the fuck ahead and go to college for free and get your food stamps and get your childcare paid for. Live off my money. Go ahead. And please (Oh please!) brag about all your wonderful benefits to me and talk about the thousands (!?!) you're getting back from the state.

I miss my friends. I miss Wisconsin. I never had to pay Wisconsin this much. In fact, Wisconsin always gave back to me.

I'm almost tempted to leave this out because it embarasses me. I feel like I'm complaining about a different boy for every entry. Thing is, I've known him for a while. It's always been a crush. Always. He was my boss for a while. Then I moved away. Then I moved back. Now his wife is my boss. We're all friends. I go to their house to watch movies and Dexter and play card games and drink when she and I have mutual days off. They're great. I love both of them. And their kids.

Is it just because I'm lonely? And, as mentioned multiple times earlier, because I miss my friends so much? Am I looking into the things he says and does around me too much? Am I really that sad about being single? Because I thought I was cool with that.

I feel like a bad friend for even having these feelings. But why can't I stop thinking about him? It's pissing me off and making me even more sad because, while I know nothing could ever ever ever happen, knowing that it could never happen depresses me.

Fuck...

I should just sleep, huh? I work at 8am tomorrow morning. Which is early for me now.

End vent.