you made it, you played it, your shit is overrated.
I Want SO badly to just HATE HIM! i hate it how like...he plays around so much. like he'll hate me then he'll do something that makes me think he cares. but then right after he treats me like shit again. like today. he stopped && gave me a hug && was talking to me. now hes like a total dick to me and i hate it. i mean he does it constantly. i mean fuck if you dont care for me quit doing things that make me feel like you actually might. && i guess its my stupidity for thinking someone especially him. would actually care! sometimes i think it would of been so much better to just of taken art my freshman year..then chances are i wouldnt of met him. better yet i wish i went to nordoff..then i would of never seen him, heard of him, fallen for him or still be hurting because of him. yet again...this so called happiness i found, is destroyed by this person who wants to play my life as if it were a game. I just want out.
i hate it. he was always the one i was like i cannot live without. he seriously was my life, my everything. and i never wanted to have to go without him. i always feared this would end but he never let me fear for long, he always said he'll be there, that hed care and to just be happy and not worry. i never thought he would break the promises of caring and being there forever. but he has. i just want to go back to when i saw him everyday back when he looked at me with no intention of hurting me. when you could tell he cared that i was hurting, when he couldnt stand to see me cry. back to when he was the person i fell for, the only one i could trust. the one who showed me that i was capable of being happy, the one who showed me i am not just some girl, that i am more than that. everything was so picture perfect. the talks and the hugs, the everything. being with him && having people mistake us for a couple. i just want to go back to it all..back to before i knew what this pain all felt like. back before i drowned in my dreams. back when that smile and that hug just kept everything together and stopped me from crying. i want it all back.
--he hugged me; i felt absolutely nothing && that hurts--
worn out and faded your weakness starts to show.
love until you can't love anymore.
hate until you believe you may die from it.
one day, you will find closer, one day you will find really happiness.
and you will never regret anything in your life. or want to change it.
and yes for sure more easily said then done.
i hope the best for you.