i often sit in the middle of class doing god knows what but definitly not what i'm supposed to and i look around and i wonder how many people here in school are really my friends... not like go out with ocasionally on the weekends friends or sit with at lunch friends but real friends... and then i realize that the kind of friends i'm looking for i don't have... i don't have a friend that knows absolutely everything there is to know about my presence... i don't have a friend that i go over to their house all the time for no reason and know they're entire family and go on trips out of state with... i don't have the kind of friends that will automatically call me to see whats up and let me be the first to know when somethings going on (if at all) and ask me to go with them... i find that i'm always the one LOOKING for something to do and someone to do it with... it kind of makes me feel like some kind of reject... or just not capable of having close friends... i mean i have friends and in school i talk to everyone but no one seems to come look for me... it kind of makes me feel like i'm that annoying kid who can't get a hint... and i pray to god i'm not... i would rather shoot myself than become that kid... i talk to everyone and don't really have a group... maybe thats my problem... maybe i should just settle for one group and become closer with them and lose the others all together... maybe i need a label? as retarded as that sounds... but i don't want one... i like to be this happy mix of personalities... the only thing is i'm not happy...