In this, I'm dying. In this, I'm alone. In this, there's nothing more you can say. In this, I've never been so fake. In this, this catastrophe disguised. In this, I shall end. Everytime you cry to me, it makes me hate you more. The hatred grows from the seeds of pity. This relentless ache that you create in every bone my body holds is killing from the inside. My mind is overwhelmed with your naive obsession. You want a trophy, you want something to show. You claim this undying love, please take it back, give it to someone else. I'm drowning under the weight of your life-long cliche.

I haven't been on this site in so long, it's kind of a trip to see that all this stuff still exists. I wrote so much, I've changed so much. There is an exponential increase in writing ability from 04 to 06. I hope it doesn't go back down... I doubt that it will ever be as low as it was back then. Maybe I should start writing poetry again. Away with the incredible sob stories of entries past. I really hope this site sticks around for a long time, so I can always come back to it. I would hate for all of my progressive writing to disappear, it's so much fun to laugh at.

I have so much energy I can do whatever I choose to do. well, I wish I could do whatever I wanted to do....but I suppose some laws have to be followed. I have an hour to wait, an hour until I can run freeee :) I'll never be Ozzy on stage when I'm 50, I'm gonna look like Elvis by the time I'm 40, we're already bogus, we're already fading, we'll never be the Rolling Stones...I'm going home.

It's never a choice anymore just do what you're told I don't want to go. Why can't they see that?

Its been far tooo long since your lips met mine its been far too long what happened last time? agklajfklgjalfgkjafgljkadf im happy. kbyeeeeee

My depression has gone past what I had hoped. I'm never happy and I've come to realize that my smile is as fake as the chain of lies I continue to hide behind. When I laugh, I find nothing amusing, the sound morbidly monotonous. I cry with the hope that the trails left behind become permanent. The dry feeling has almost become comforting. I don't look forward to anything and everything I see is black and white. Death has become all I ever truly obsess over. The longing never goes away, but it sometimes softened when I feed the sorrow with pain of a different kind. Self soothing has become the new name for the unconcious attempts... My arms have become burial grounds for every pain I've ever felt. I can't see past the darkness into the light I'm dying to see. I'm alone in this, with not even the slightest tingle of consulation. I feel these arms reach out barely grasping my tear soaked hands, only to let go, letting me fall back into this misery. I'm helpless in this, longing for an end to everything.

Have you ever stopped to wonder what makes you different than everyone else? Don't. The only thing you'll realize is that your life is more or less pointless...because everyone else is leading the same one. best song ever------- what does that whispy little brat have that you dont have? she can't hold a candle to the beauty of your smile how about a pulse overrated by a mile overfathomed, overblown if he only knew the you that we know and that silly little creature isnt wearing his ring and she doesnt play piano or dance or sing no she doesnt compare but she still breathes air who cares unimportant, overrated, over blown if only he could see how special you could be if he only knew the you that we know if i touch a burning candle, i can feel no pain if you cut me with a knife its still the same and i know her heart is beating i know that i am dead but the pain here that i feel try and tell me its not real but it seems that i still have a tear to shed the short redeeming feature, from that little creature is that shes alive overrated, over blown everybody knows thats just a temporary state that is cured very quickly when we meet our fate who cares, unimportant overrated, overblown if only he could see how special you could be if he only knew the you that we know if i touch i burning candle i can feel no pain in the ice or in the sun its all the same yet i feel my heart is aching though it doesnt beat, its breaking and the pain here that i feel try and tell me its not real i know that i am dead yet it seems that i still have some tears to shed...

Dear self: I find myself annoyed by all your petty desperations. I've noticed how pathetic you've gotten...Obsession doesnt seem to work for you. When you finally come to the realization that life is in fact not as easy as you want it to be...Everything will become a lot harder. There is nothing out there that can save you, no such thing as magic...Nothing is going to pop out of no where and change your life. You are not special in any way shape or form..so stop trying to convince yourself that someday...one day...something spectacular will happen. Something you have been waiting for your entire life. You over-active imagination has caused you more pain than you're willing to admit. Stop using it. YOU WILL NEVER BECOME ANYTHING IMPORTANT. You are just one more of us, doomed to a life of normality. No one feels sorry for you. No one else thinks you deserve more than you have. Open your eyes.

its all come over me so fast, unexpected every emotion shining through i can't hold it in like i used to you have an effect on me that no one else seems to have its almost like i cant be free but i want to be trapped i want to be surrounded by everything you do chain me by your side i dont care if i'm with you its an obsession, addiction i can't let you go i see your eyes its sick, but so i dont know a thing about you i want to learn so bad... just take me for the whore i am i'll be the best you ever had.

New Years Resolutions Stop eating---catch annorexia Find a new addiction Become as thin as possible... Take as many drugs/pills as I can get a hold of. the end.

Her disapointment was brought on by nothing more than self important views. In her mind she had been done wrong, she didn't take the time to realize that what she had was more than she asked for, more than she wanted to begin with. Her anger at being ripped off was intense, but her guilt for feeling the way she did was stronger. As she stepped back to look at the big picture, she understood what had gone wrong. The thought of what had occured still brought about frustrated feelings, disapointing memories, all the things that she didn't want to think about, but in the end, she fully came to appreciate the experience. Her own wants were the cause of her pain. Her own desperation for the things she didn't need, only expected, were the cause of the disapointment. You gain nothing you want by expecting an endless flow of things you don't need. The anger towards anything and everything following the day of disapointment was the result of thinking that she deserved what she didn't get. You don't truly deserve anything you think you deserve.

your guess is better than mine my confusion has crossed the line all those things i meant to say all those times i couldnt stay i never stopped too look over my shoulder and see what was real what couldn't be bolder it took me so long to realize my mistake i'm afraid its too late its too hard to fake i had my eyes closed to every game you played convinced you were better through all the stories you made though your smile died so very long ago i had hoped that mine would make it all better but i guess it wasn't so this is my goodbye the very last one i love you through all of this but i can't help but run

the addictions cant be real the pain too harsh to feel the numbing traces of tears cant hide the painful years the sickness bleeding through pills to good to be true i have nothing more to say i guess...

dismantled voices unknown concerns the rave is fucking growing lost in the twists and turns ghostly faces drowning in x the music, blaring can't hide the sex illusions become reality the shadows were always there clawing at your innocence lost in the dialated stare the lights are really faeries dancing their lives away the time has lost existence you make no sense of what they say the fall came hard but it was expected the faeries fell too your mind has been rejected smile at your loss of breath everythings moving so fast... the distance between the floor and your head is not so far, but it will last.

the shadows evade her shes got her eyes on the prize they tried to decieve her she fell through their lies success was her goal but as we all know defeat was predicted and defeat was her toll with her blood stained hands and war stained heart she looked for a way to create a new start she waited for years for an idea to come and through all the tears she had come up with some she searched for the cure but quickly was lured by the same decieving evil that last killed her nerve as the dark surrounded everything she knew she longed for a light and she knew what to do with all she had left she stood up, and fell then stood up again this time she felt well she weakly smiled and walked a few steps she had to escape escape from these depths the monsters who tricked her could not believe that through all the torture she found strength to leave proudly walking through treachery she was guided by her dream her escape was a close one things arent as bad as they seem.

Its overwhelming. I don't know what to think the sound of blood draining down the porcelain sink Its not hard to notice tear stained cheeks all the interrogations the perfect black streaks tell her story of the shadow of death its the end of the world whats to stress?

I have to try really hard to tone myself down. I'm starting to scare people with my...erm...obnoxious reactions to everything. I feel so stupid...I just found out that I really do scare people...I feel so beyond stupid. Annoying. Just simply fucking retarded. I'm disapointed in myself. I really hate it. Tomorrow..I'm going to be quiet. That will be me from now on...I can't live with myself anymore. Ugh!

I tried...and I deleted my last entry. thats the first time ive ever deleted an entry...totally makes me feel like i suck.

The immortal nights so dark and disgraceful embracing the frights of those we find shameful the blood lust ran rampid as the wounds refused to heal everything we did was frantic everything we did was real the thought is sometimes terrifying but thats the way we lived our adventures always death defying take all the life we give

I seem to be mistaken its you thats been forsaken? I dreamt of you just last day a perfect view too perfect to stay your face so familiar yet so distant and unknown that smile so peculiar what I love is what you've shown The mystery in you brings out my curious nature with every wink, a que to heighten such great stature She doesn't quite understand us now, but in time, she will. Her mind is capable of much more than anything we could ever imagine...we just have to encourage it. Everything we say is absorbed into her thought process, so in all reality, trying to teach her as if she were a student is quite unneccassary. By simply using the right informative speech, she will soon comprehend our world with wisdom that only the wisest have been able to reach, if not more. Actually, it's quite clear to me that she will know more about how our lives manage than we will ever know. The prophecy is nothing more than guidelines, as it states that she will be "the taught teacher." Teach her we will not, guide her we will. She will be the teacher, she will help us learn, as she learns, although there are some things that only she will understand, as at this moment, she understands little we do.