Happy New Year, everybody!

even though it's a little bit early, Merry Christmas to everyone! hopefully i'll see yall somewhere, some time. erin my new blog

oops. new diary is actually HERE.

Strong Enough to Break (I. Hanson, T. Hanson, Z. Hanson, G. Wells) I don't feel myself today Just a figure in a big monopoly game Struggle is the price you pay You get just enough just to give it away I'm sinking but I'm floating away Throw me a line so I can anchor my pain The fabric is about to fray The fabric is about to fray Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately Things keep coming and I keep wondering I start feeling the walls close in Things keep coming and I keep stumbling I start feeling I'm strong enough to break Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break Been running through my mind today Scenarios to add to your hypocrisy No one ever takes the blame But everyone is searching for a cure to the pain Nothing ever seems to change Oh, nothing ever seems to change We just play like broken records in a deaf man's charade Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately Things keep coming and I keep wondering I start feeling the walls close in Things keep coming and I keep stumbling I start feeling I'm strong enough to break Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break Carry on just a pawn and the same old song I'm still holding on The fabric is about to fray Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately Maybe you could take a look at yourself lately Things keep coming and I keep wondering I start feeling the walls close in Things keep coming and I keep stumbling I start feeling I'm strong enough Things keep coming and I keep wondering I start feeling the walls close in Things keep coming and I keep stumbling I start feeling I'm strong enough to break Oh, I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

let's just say this. car troubles. stalled at 108th & Harrison on the way back to work at a stop light. was sure someone was going to read-end me. two nice men stopped and help, in total. one pushed the back, while i steered through the window from the outside. shook their hands. lol. anyways, the car's gone for awhile. this makes life oh-so-complicated and frustrating. mand calls her car twinkie. i need a name for mine too. grr. love. erin.

Remedy, as always, was incredible last night. I was supposed to meet Scottie, but it turned out that he had something at his church instead and forgot to call. Needless to say, I spent a long time looking for him. Anyways, Liz Zach saw me standin in the back and was like, "Why are you back here?!" and brought right up front at the edge of the stage. Needless to say, despite getting my toes stomped on by a 200 pound jumping dude, I had a MUCH better time. Free pop and pizza too. I signed up for their evening study of Mark ... I'm just gonna try it out. If their doctrine is sound, I think it'd be good to mix it up a bit and meet some new college-aged Christians. So I'm excited about that. Also saw Sharkey and Mosley last night, and talked to Dan, Phil, and Paul. Bought The Red One and had Paul autograph it. Those guys are the best - talkin with everyone before and after the shows, playing with the kids. They love Christ and they love people. It seriously does me good to see them. Which is probably why I've written all the concert dates I may be able to attend in my daily planner. If they're playin' in the Metro on a weekend during the school year, I just may have to schedule my trips back to Omaha for that weekend. Would be good. Very good. ;) Anyways, Remedy is addin some new chords and stuff. Cool to see them mixing it up a bit. You could seriously take the inserts to their CDs and do a Bible study off of them. I plan on it. Anyways ... I love it when Dave talks, because I know he gets in the Word before concerts and then just trusts God to bring him the words to say when he speaks. He talked last night about how we were kicked out of the Garden of Eden, so we've created our own "paradise" - only - it's fake. It's dead. It's false. It's decaying. The only way to truly reach everlasting, true, peaceful paradise is Christ. So what are we living for?? Those guys should write a book. God truly blesses what they does. Made two typos in the Remedy article. :-/ Ouch. Anyways, before that went to a wedding shower for Shala at Susan's house. All the girls from work were there, and it was a great time. Hawaiian theme. Played toilet paper bride and won all these cool Hawaiian pencils and bracelets and stuff. Wore a bit of my Hawaiian stuff in to the concert. I think I've got this Omaha drivin' thing down. That's about all worth writing about. Few more things though I guess. 1) Summer isn't summer anymore, really. No lazy days. No wasting time. No pool. No cartoons. No sleeping in forever. Nope, I work basicaly full time hours between the two jobs, and there's always somethin to keep me busy. It's exciting, but then tiring and disapointing. 2) I love being around young journalists. I get to do a bit of that at OPub. We're going to call it that. It's not a Pub. 3) The Library knows where I work now. If my books are overdue, I've had it. 4) I REALLY wanted to be a counselor at NHSPA summer workshop, because it was good times there, and it turns out they need ppl ... except, I'd have to get two days off of work on a week that I've already taken a day off (I wouldn't be there that week), and I'd have to leave the night before the thing ends, because I leave for D.C. at 8:30 AM with Joe and Barb 7/29. hm. 5) With few exceptions, I seem to glorify the good and forget the bad in past experiences. Funny. cya! e.o. ~ man. i wish i hadn't missed Koca's party. hope we get a chance to talk again. crazy to have known someone 13 years.

we're searching to recreate a paradise we lost. but it's all fake. we can't get it back. except through Him.

Woah! So I never got to write about my press conference. On Wednesday, I went to the Peter Buffett/Spirit The Seventh Fire press conference at the Josyln because my boss couldn't make it. It was all ... art deco formal, and small, but every major local outlet was represented. It was neat to be there with vet. reports and such, all though I'll admit it was intimidating at first and the first time I spoke I was a bit tounge-tied. There were breadsticks, water, and wine. LOL. Anyways, I met Peter Buffett, and I knew Warren Buffett would be there also, but I didn't know what he looked like. I met Peter Buffett's wife and Mayor Fayhe, and eventually Mrs. Warren Buffett sat down by me. What a cute old lady! She was really proud of her son, and was taking a press packet home to keep. Anyways, half way through she moved so she could see better, and this old guy sat down by me. Well, I thought another guy was Warren, but it was actually him! There were cammeras there, but the only one I saw labeled from a major TV station was above my head, so I figured I wouldn't be on TV. I came into the office the next morning, and my editor said, "You and Warren Buffett, huh?!" Evidently the two of us sitting together were on the news!! You know what I love? Young professionals. There's a total connection there. Peter's personal press assistance Matt. And the Golden Corral owner's son, but to a lesser extent. There's just something there. Also, I have to quote the Reuter's report, because it's excellent, in my unexperienced opinion. "Reagan suffered from the brain-wasting Alzheimer's disease since 1994 and the man who held five summits with Mikhail Gorbachev was reduced to playing children's games with his wife before his condition worsened and he entered the last stages of the disease, recognizing no one. Ronald Wilson Reagan, the son of an alcoholic shoe salesman in Illinois, began his career broadcasting baseball games in the Middle West, games whose plays he would make up off a sports ticker. He moved to Hollywood and became a fixReagan suffered from the brain-wasting Alzheimer's disease since 1994 and the man who held five summits with Mikhail Gorbachev was reduced to playing children's games with his wife before his condition worsened and he entered the last stages of the disease, recognizing no one. Ronald Wilson Reagan, the son of an alcoholic shoe salesman in Illinois, began his career broadcasting baseball games in the Middle West, games whose plays he would make up off a sports ticker. He moved to Hollywood and became a fixture of the B-movie scene. His most famous line came in the football film "Knute Rockne, All American" where as dying player George Gipp, Reagan uttered the line, "Just win one for the Gipper." But as his career faded in the 1950s and 60s, Reagan used his job as the anti-Communist president of the Screen Actor's Guild as training for a career shift to politics where he ultimately starred on the world stage in better roles than he ever had in any of his 50 movies. Inspired by Barry Goldwater's conservatism, he switched parties and became a Republican in 1962 and ran twice successfully as California's governor. As president from 1981 to 1989, he presided over a conservative revival that changed America's political and economic landscape for years. Dozens of major politicians dominating the scene today, including President Bush, owe their inspiration to what was called "The Reagan Revolution." ture of the B-movie scene. His most famous line came in the football film "Knute Rockne, All American" where as dying player George Gipp, Reagan uttered the line, "Just win one for the Gipper." But as his career faded in the 1950s and 60s, Reagan used his job as the anti-Communist president of the Screen Actor's Guild as training for a career shift to politics where he ultimately starred on the world stage in better roles than he ever had in any of his 50 movies. Inspired by Barry Goldwater's conservatism, he switched parties and became a Republican in 1962 and ran twice successfully as California's governor. As president from 1981 to 1989, he presided over a conservative revival that changed America's political and economic landscape for years. Dozens of major politicians dominating the scene today, including President Bush, owe their inspiration to what was called "The Reagan Revolution." ... At 6 p.m. EDT a wreath of red and white flowers was placed on Reagan's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame but only a couple of people were around to watch on a bright Saturday that had most people at the beach. (additional reporting by Jill Serjeant, Steve Holland, Charles Feldman and Ben Berkowitz)"

R.I.P. Ronald Reagan. "When the Lord calls me home ... I will leave with the greatest love for this country of ours and eternal optimism for its future," he wrote on Nov. 5, 1994. "I know that for America there will always be a bright dawn ahead." ~ Reagan's 1994 "My Fellow Americans" letter

my new goal is to assume the best of people, and not to believe everything i hear abou them.

The GPA system updated today to 2.96. Maybe it will go up again!? LOL. I doubt it. It rounds up, right? :/ Right. haha. Anyways, um, slept in a bit today, then headed to work for a supposed 11 AM meeting. Was canceled, but worked until about 4 PM. Came home, got a bite to eat, deposited checks @ the bank, and went to work from 5-9 and then got home. Work was alright ... drawer came out 50 cents over ... eh ... did some dusting, cleaned the door window, cut stickers for the sticker basket ... eh. haha. ok. anyways ... hmmmm ... so tomorrow I have to be @ the Joslyn approx. 10:40 @ least for the press conference with Mayor Fayhe, Warren Buffet, and Pete Buffet. My first press conference as a member of the working (but not always paid) press. HAHA. man i just love press conferences. i think, MAYBE, while i'm down there, i may try to sell a few Nancy Drews @ an antique shop, but maybe not ... i really need to get back to work right away. i'm gonna go now. God bless!! <3 Erin

you know, i'm just plain 'ol skipping the "mood thing" these days. too much work. wish i hadn't deleted all those old entries. that's life. ANYWAYS ... it's been a productive day, over all. i think. never as productive as it should or could be, but yeah. my room is looking a lot cleaner. tomorrow i need to dust/vaccum/wash windows ... and i need to be at work at 11, at the other work at 4 ... tomorrow's called up early, plan until work, pack a lunch, loooooon day kind of day. i'll prob spend some time tomorrow night doin that cleaning, and also ironing for the consignement shop and Plato's Closet. yay for those and textbookx.com! errands to run this week ... there are numerous "projects" i'd like to get done this summer, so i'm thinkin of makin weekly goals and projects ... i.e. this needs to be read on the week of {insert date} ... uh huh. i write to myself anymore. ;) so yeah i'm thinkin that will work well. i'm also thinkin, before i go to college, i'm going to get my hair chemically straightened, and died back to the original color, so i don't have to worry about buying expensive curl conditioners, paying for getting the outgrowth dyed, etc. i'll get the chem, the dye, and stock up on *essential* products (won't be many) before my discount is gone ... yeah. i'm thinkin so. Lord willing, i'll have my God time tonight. i'm sure He wills that. ;) only by YOUR strength, Lord.

It's lookin' like cumulative will be a 2.9. At least that's what Westside's computer system says. It may be a litle higher if they forgot to replace the Spanish grade. Fell .1 short of pullin it up to a 3.0. I'm so grateful for a fresh start, and not having to qualify everything with, "I had a bad first two years of high school, and it wasn't my fault." Hardly anyone believes that. It's still so crazy. I'm done with high school! It feels like it, and then again it doesn't. What an odd paradox. Half of me is still so connected to it, still in that frame of mind. The other half moved on a long time ago.

kipper-sticker (to) (v) - to sticker a friend with a Kipper the Dog sticker from the Dollar Store. a gesture of familiarity and friendship. good for getting a friend's goat. haha. i just thought of that. morgan and i were just talking abou tall the AIM SN's i've had over the years (grapeicee, danabramsfangirl, codebluemountaindew, spriteicee, blueunicornfrosting, TURTLESTACKER) ... when TurtleStacker came up. basically, two summers ago i went to camp with a kid named Kip. later that summer i went shopping @ the dollar store, and i found some Kipper the Dog (a Nick. show) stickers, and i bought them and meant to send them to him. never got that far. somehow, i ended up having stickers at church one day, and got an absolute kick out of sticking stickers on Dan's back, and seeing how long it took for him to realize he had one on there. eventually, i brought the Kipper stickers, and Kipper-Stickering became a summer-long (maybe even longer) game. there was even the one time when i jumped out of my sandals outside of the sanctuary to chase dan up to the old sanctuary, through the wee school halls, out and around the front of the building to the parkling lot and backinside. he was way too fast for me. i got back and my shoes were gone. Kari Ott had evidently put them in the library or something, because she didn't know who owned them. LOL. Good times ... maybe just for me. Oooops. Sorry Dan. :P But good times none-the-less. Hyphens not required. Also another funny story, but still not as good as the above. My friend Erin and I went out (yeah, Erin) to Chili's in LaVista here last week. We thought the chips were complementary, and he never gave us any. We even saw him giving a family some chips!! We flirted with him the whole time too. But anyways, we were kinda ticked off when we were ready to leave, so we left him like a $2.07 tip (just for kicks) and Erin wrote on the bottom of our check "No chips. Grrrrr." or somethin like that with an angry face and we left quickly. Found out later that night that the chips weren't complementary. Ouch.

hm. it's been interesting today so far ... thanks, Stace. i like the colors too. they remind me of a hybiscus, or whatev. that flower is. lol. i could used to get a little more educated. so some stuff's gone down today at the home that's just not right. weird stuff. don't feel like elaboarting. today's goals include cleaning my room, making a list of goals for the summer, and making a budget. almost all my graduation money has been spent ... which is, yikes. mind you i haven't withdrawn any money from the bank in awhile, and the last two paychecks have been deposited, as well as a grad check or two ... well i prob have about $100 left. i'm going to watch it very carefully. i have a TV (two, actually), a hamper, a shoe hanger thing, a flat iron, a blow dryer, a laundry basket, two wash clothes, two towles, a comforter, and iron ... some other stuff. i've also bought my own summer clothes this summer. sometimes it's just best to ... do things yourself and let it go unsaid once in awhile. i also have 5 magazine subscriptions, which i'll love, and i truly hope they'll be an investment. lol. i REALLY wanted to subscribe to US News & World Report too, but i figured well ... i don't even know if i'll have time to read what i've ordered the way it is, no less i think i get free complementary subscriptions to USA Today and some local papers. so it's really not necessary. oh yeah, i got a magazine rack too. last night was just plain AWESOME. mand called me after church and said she forgot to tell me, but her dance recital was that night @ the Joslyn. my dad was in a good mood and gave up on the whole "I need to take you on the interstate before you go alone," thing. which is good. the first time i went off driving on my own, i accidently ended up on Kennedy Freeway, and survived that. so i didn't think it would be a big deal. it really wasn't, but man, the first time i accidently got on the interstate, it really wasn't that scarry because, well, i had no time to think about ... the only thing i thought about was getting off at the nearest exit and winding my way back around. this time i had time to think about it, however, and let's just say a LOT of praying was done, i was hyperventalating, and i thought i was going to have a myocardial infarction. LOL! anyways ... it's like one big ... skating rink out there. crazy stuff. anyways, i made it by GOD'S GRACE ... lol ... took the wrong exit but got my bearings and anyways, yeah, unknowingly bypassed a parking attendent @ the Joslyn and i got free parking!! i think it may have been reserved for a wedding party, but i didn't find out about that 'till AFTER the fact, so, sorry everyone! haha. anyways i think it was alright. so i find my way to the theater, and i'm walkin down the isles tryin to find Vince and Linda (her 'rents) and Al and Nick start yellin @ me and waving. Al, Jess (his kind-of-gf), and Nick had saved me a seat. the performance was wayyyy long and boring. Mand did WONDERFUL. she's so graceful and beautiful, as always, but aside from that, everyone was in 6-10 songs, and it was just really unnecessary. 3 hours, a 10 minute intermission, and a broken-and-fixed phone later, we were outta there! Jess and Al left right away before seeing Mand cuz they were tired. Al was so funny. He said goodnight and he started to give me a hug, like usual, but glanced @ Jess and turned it into a really awkard high-five. I love that kid. He's nothing but good intentions. After that Nick and I spent time lookin for Mand, found her, and decided we wanted to go out to eat. I said I'd proven to myself that I could take the interstate, and now it was no longer necessary for me to take it, so I'd be going home the 72nd and Dodge way. Nick said that was good - it would give him some time to run by an ATM machine, because he was going to take I80, 480, etc whatev. (haha) home. So we decided to meet @ Applebee's in Papillion, and whoever got there first would reserve a table for three under the name Englebert (I think.) It was Engle-something. That was the funny part. So anyways, I find my way back to Dodge and am workin my way up in numbers (Mand and Nick had to walk to his car in another parking lot) when Nick passes me. That kid drives, seriously, an average of AT LEAST 25 MPH over the speed limit. It might be partially cuz it was night, but anyways, I decide hey ... it's a good idea to follow him home, just in case I don't know the way home as well as I think I do. Well, just to keep up with him, I had to go darn nearly as fast, which was absolutely ... not good and freaky (and I was just sure I was going to get pulled over) but it was that or ... loose my way. I think he took a diff. route than I would have ... I think I would have taken Dodge to 84th ... yeah I would have. But anyways, it was hilarious, in a weird kind of way. I soooo did not want to loose him, so every time he changed lanes, I changed ... and he'd stop fast, so I'd stop fast and my breaks would squeel a little. Well Mand knew it was me followin them, but Nick didn't. He didn't care, but he was wondering, the whole time, who the heck it was. So anyways, I go home, get my $10 Applebees giftcard from my room, and drive over to Applebees. Evidently Mand and Nick were already there (I had driven around the parking lot and didn't see his car, and was just sure they weren't there yet because I had memorized his plate number tryin not to loose him on the way home, lol). Anyways, evidently they had gone in and Mand said, "Table for three for Engle ... wood. Engle ... humper. Engle ..." and she couldn't remember the name!! Neither could I. I had only written "Engle" down on my hand. And Nick said, "Just, a table for three. There's another girl that will be joining us." So when I walk in, I said, "Table for three for Engle..." and there was a girl already holding the door open for me. "Are you with a couple?" she asked. "Yeah ..." And she pointed me to them. It was HILARIOUS. So anyways, I got an apetizer plate, as I'm accustomed to getting, Mand got desert, and Nick got a meal. We all shared. Got home about 11:00. Some times are just so good you can't put them into words.

i saw a clip of "Saved!" last night on Conan O'Brien with Mandy Moore. Before I even thought, "What a HORRIBLE movie," I thought, "Woah. Identifying scenario." Times two. That's saying something.

so, whatchayall (new word) think of the new spring-summer look? uh huh ... i wish this could be public. sometimes i wish. but really, you never know who's reading. that can be GREAT, it can be neutral, and then it can be downright creepy. since a lot of times i write about places and people, it's prob. best to keep it private. my dog is so lovey today! she's funny. she was last night too. she's been SO animated. totally playin with me last night ... jumpin around and chasin me. she started the game, man. she's crazy. i can't believe i've had her for like 11 years. and she's still doin pretty darn great. today i put her outside, and left her out for a bit. she's so funny. i went up the stairs and to the door to let her in, and there she was outside, just rollin around, sniffin, eatin bugs and havin fun. she didn't see me. i had the best time watchin her. she was just too funny. maybe that's odd, but the simple things, you know?? yeah, ya do. haha. i'm talkin to jer's sis right now. she's SO sweet. and scottie. oh scottie. if only we could be even closer. i guess it's not meant to be though. hanson is becoming the soundtrack to my life. don't you hate it when you buy CD's and then they become old and you never want to pick them up again? because ... well, they're just old, or they remind you of a certain time you just don't want to be reminded of? yeah, i do. i write mindlessly so often. so i can listen to music. i don't usually like to write in silence. so today i went out to dinch (dinner/lunc @ 2:45 pm) with Care. and then to Gordmans. that was a blast!! she got me such a cute, spunky, thoughtful card and a cute pic for my wall with these little girls on it in these cute dressup clothes. how fun. i'm gonna be almost set for college i think!! ppl have been so generous. i just got a call, and tonight i'm babysittin for the Otts. lookin forward to that. it seems like it's been awhile ... fall i think. so about 6 months. so yeah. elizabeth is SO cute! i think kari has another one on the way too. and isabella. last time i babysat i rocked her to sleep. that's one of the most peaceful feelings ever, a baby sleepin in your arms. oh man, i used to babysit for another baby, and it was sheer hell gettin her to calm down. i'm serious. she'd pitch the longest, loudest, most painful fits that would just drive me up a wall ... and then she'd just zonk out asleep and it was like, wow, calm after the storm. and it's alright. it's alright. hanson hanson hanson. i'm such a paradox. and it's alright. it's alright. take a look and, take a look and, go! so get up and go. well this is gettin legthy. i wish i could put music in here. because i'd put hanson. < 3 < 3 < 3 erin

Hey all! Or, um, one! Or, whoever reads this! I wish I had something really neato to say, like Dan always does, like, "I'm getting married soon!" but, um, I don't. I also wish I could be like, a really content really cool, stealth Godly woman. Like, um, yeah. Somethin like that. Man. I'm just thinking of my boy escapades here. Scheduling painful lip and eyebrow waxes, just to see someone who makes my tummy butterflies flutter ... And I'm just thinking how pathetic I am. Dan how do you manage to make your entries so enlightening and cool? Oh to be cool. Hmp. :P.

half of me is terribly tempted to scroll back through the daily bulitens to winter formal. but i think i'd get too nostalgic. winter formal was THE BEST. it was my prom. and it's too bad i kinda had my mind focused on someone else during it. and it's really too bad i even thought twice about it. and i hope things mend with joe, if they ever needed mending. just haven't really hard from him. got a weird feeling from him @ graduation. he didn't come to my party. and i never got an invite to his. and yeah. oh joe. :/

i should really, seriously write about the grad party before i forget. i should really, seriously be journaling every day. i think the pics, when they're developed, will say a lot. i think they say 25%, and the cards say 75%. that's one thing i'd like to do with my money ... find something nice to put them all in. kinda like some of the bday cards i got from last summer, and some of the cards i got when diabetes bit me in the butt. that's a new one. i need to get my bg's under control. gosh is scares me so bad to think i've been sayin that for YEARS now. it'll be 6 years this september. that's crazy long. just insane. ok new subject, but not for long, erin ... um so yeah. scottie showed up, and that TOTALLY made the party. along with the fact that McCann, Harvey, and Howe showed up. :) hooray for that. Mrs. Harvey gave me the cutest Latin book about a little girl falling in love, and wanted me to open it in front of her. she means a lot to me. and just the fact that her, McCann, and Howe showed up was, phenomenal. the girls from work (brandy, nicole, karla) came, which was a TON of fun, and yeah, scottie stayed awhile and made the day a blast. we looked @ his pics, and i gave him two HUUUUUUGEEEE hugs when he came in. :D the phillippis came by, which was ... yeah, that totally meant a ton to me too. they gave me this AWESOME C.S. Lewis book and a really cool O keychain from San Angelo, both of which dan helped pick out, which really excited me. :) and meant a lot. vikie, dylan, and the kids came ... lissa came just to serve cake ... the neals came with krista, helped out a ton, and had the sweetest gifts and cards for me ... wow, what else? grant and justin and steve were around a lot, which was neato. it was nice to see allison, sarah, meghan, and vallejo too. and jen. have to go to her's tomorrow. still some parties left. didn't make heather's today. :( or dustin's. need to send cards to those who i didn't make. and give heather a call. hopefully i'll be doin some stuff soon with heather, mary anne, and erin m. respectively. oh and donnita. :-D have to call quite a few peeps tomorrow. and go to super target, work from 6-9, start thank you notes, and for goodness sakes, copy edit! yikes! and start lookin @ places to send query letters and resumes/clip files out to. and email the dude from the ralston recorder. and get back to Bard from USD. eeeeks. i'm growing up guys. and this safe lil secure life, (which really isn't but is starting to look more so), is aboslutely fading away and it's scarry. yay college, but then again a portion of me just wants to go back to high school ... i'm out for the night. leg and head hurt. but just wanted to say wow ... i love all you guys, and i am mucho thankful and very blessed. love makes the world go round.