so today was good. church was good ... and i really realized i've been ... well last night i talked to someone about something that's really been bottling up. and it was ridiculous ... how i had been, but honestly i didn't know what else to do with it. i was glad no one was around when i was, because even bringing it up made me feel like i was going to hurl and i was literally shaking so bad. it was just that interalized. today's sermon made me realize that it doesn't matter what some people said did or acted that resulted in some feelings i can't seem to shake. my life can't be lead off of feelings anymore. i need to be in the Word, seeking God's will for my life in this situation, and respond accordingly, even if it feels like all hell will break loose inside if i do. why? because i am a Christian, and i have brothers and sisters and Christ that i'm called to love regardless. they're called to do the same to me to, but i can only be responsible for my own actions. and a lot of people have already made some stuff a nonissue, which i am very greatful for. anyways, i got a letter back from pleiss today, which made me really happy. i super duper miss that kid. also got a letter from kanger ... who i'll see @ the state latin meeting, his party, and my party ... and after that when i don't see him, i'll terribly miss him too. but it was good to hear from them both. this morning, after church, i went to the dollar store to get some things i needed for senior project, and walking home it started to rain ... and i just smiled. rain doesn't happen without God. God knows i love rain. so maybe that's why He had me walk home in it. after some studying, i met Joe @ starbucks. i love that kid. the whole morning i had been thinking, you know, we really should pray before we start discussing ... but i didn't know if it'd be appropriate to bring it up?? i don't know. that was probably a silly thought on my part. but i also thought, well, there are so many things we don't agree with, so how can we come together in agreeance in prayer? but i got there, waited a minute for him, and then he showed up with all these books. it was hilarious. we were like kids in a candy shop. at the same time, we, outwardly accomplished nothing. inwardly, though, i hope the Lord is moving. we had to call it quits, unfortauntely, after only about an hour and a half, which was REALLY disapointing ... but anyways, point is he ordered, sat down, and said, "I think we should pray." and honestly i couldn't have been happier at that moment. i was like, gee, God, thanks a bunch. :) how completely wonderful is that? so i prayed outloud ... i never do a good job of praying, but God understands. so yeah ... hopefully it can be both of our prayers to find and seek the truth, and that God would be quick and undeniable with it, as we only have the summer. i'm convinced, he's convinced. we're both convinced each other are wrong. but we prayed together. and that blows my mind. we're praying for each other too, which is such a huge step from when we met, i think. but anyways, i haven't been so faithful with it lately. :( but this summer we're planning to read the Apocrypha together!!!! yeah, i know ... it's all false ... but, he's never read it either. so we'll be on even ground, and of course the question i'm posing is: if it contradicts the Bible, then how in the world can it be considered as part of it? so we'll be taking EVERYTHING back to the Bible ... and i'm def. going to order that book for his graduation present. hopefully we'll have good times with that this summer. anyways, in about an hour and 20 todd will be here to pick me up and take me to the Neal's musical @ westside. haha i almost typed WHS. silly me. that should be good times. i *should* see jer there too. then this week is crazy. i come home from that tonight, try to get some ducks in a row for sr proj and brush up for my AP test tomorrow, and then tomorrow i take my AP test and work from 4 - 9. i get home and work on my sr proj presentation (and try to wake up early and do that before school too) because i present Tuesday, so i'll have to wake up Tuesday early and finish getting it ready. after about noon on Tuesday i'm free until 5, and i work till 9. wednesday i'm off school, and will have to use that time to study for thursday's AP test, get ducks in a row for the grad party, etc, etc, etc. j banquet that night. thursday is sr photos in home room, AP test for half of the day, and i work from 4-9. friday is the latin meeting. saturday i hopefully go get my liscense in the morning, work 12-5, hit grant's grad party before mmmmmaaayyyybbeee going to see a movie with rich. sunday is sunday, monday i work from 6-9, tuesday i have a latin meeting @ CP, and then work ... wednesday is sr dinner, thursday is a half day, rehersale, work from 4-9, friday is andy herd's grad party in th evebing, then saturday is 8-12 work, josh's grad party, 6:05 rosenblatt game and concert ... sunday is bac and the girls' group grad party, monfsy is the honors convo, work, and calling mags and newspapers ... 18 i graduate, 19 is the awana graduation ceremony, i work the next day, jeff's grad party is the next day, my party is the next day and i work in the morning, maryanne's party is the next day. i work the next day. and the next. awands the next day. and i work the next day. that's MAY for ya!!