and it feels like we?re going so slow i haven?t released the handbrake yet. yet; giggles in the darkness and eyes sparkling with the reflection of the television screen; sunny afternoons and the bright blue sky overhead, lazy loungers on red fleece blankets laughing about henry chinaski and that one time, lounging, laughing, spilling moet, sipping chandon, with red rocks all around and scary scary birds everywhere; reading, eating chips and salsa and the last few crumbs of those fantastic tuscan kettle chips, sunshine bright in my eyes as i watch her lick the last bits off her fingertips; laughter; when we sleep we touch all night and when we touch i sweat and when i roll away she pulls me back again and says, ?not so far, jerk? and i roll over and sweat on her some more; i whisper in her ear every morning before i wake her up, ?hi. you?re pretty.? and i kiss her right there on her neck; popcorn, and we don?t go see enough movies; we?re saving up for italy but we?re not doing the best of jobs; we stand next to each other in the bathroom and make scary faces in the mirror, i'm elvis and she's oprah; brushing our teeth has become some sort of facial athletic competition ? much like making out in the dark except we?re trying to keep from laughing; every car we drive, every time my hand ends up on her thigh; p.f. changs when i?m sick with strep throat and her family orders six dishes and shares them all completely and stillness is gloriousness completely; hugs from her mother, handshakes from her father; american eagle everythings; teaching ourselves how to cook one ?gourmet? meal at a time ? tomorrow, microwaved spaghetti; the way she plays with my hair; our fingertips pressed into each other wherever, there, here, anywhere; no matter what happens, her face next to mine and her voice in my ear ? greatest stress relief ever invented; i?ll look at her sometimes, she?ll grin and ask me ?what? in this voice that pulls every string and there is always temptation to tell her exactly what but i never do, i cannot, and yet i think she can see it in my eyes all the time regardless. this is all so damned amazing. so damned amazing and so damn funny -- how strange it is to feel so open, so honest, so suddenly alive.