you know what. what the fuck have I gotten myself into? I am so fucking over you. You need to grow the fuck up and grow some fucking balls and learn to accept once in a while that you are WRONG. I don't DESERVE TO BE CALLED A BITCH EVERY DAY. AND YOU GOING ALL PSYCHOTIC ON ME. I am SO FUCKING OVER YOU. Seriously, I KNOW I CAN DO BETTER. but nooooooooo, I sit here waiting for a change that's never going to happen. Than the never ending cycle part you play comes in and when I say never ending... I MEAN NEVER ENDING. every day! I don't give a fuck if I bitch at you for something, girls bitch. Get the fuck over it. Doesn't give you any right to call me names or tell me to shut the fuck up everyday. Cause you my friend, are not worth my fucking time. I've wasted my time for the last 4 months putting up with so much that I didn't deserve. But I AM LEARNING, and I AM WISE. You make me fucking miserable, I am tired of fucking cry everyday, do you not realize that you make me miserable? what is it going to take to realize you make me miserable?

... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. why does my boyfriend PMS more often than I do?

well since I have nobody to talk to about my stupid problems, I am going to vent in here. I can't talk to my boyfriend about anything cause he's an idiot and gets upset with any of my insecurities or just anything involving him in general. -my boyfriend moved in with me, I didn't do it for pitty, I love him but he seems to be getting bored of me, and he basically stated it and/or is hiding it. even as bad as he did treat me previously, I still took him in, and I love him. -I think my whole perspective on my relationship has changed, I don't know. -school is fucking pointless, my school is nothing but a joke. Hey, atleast I am senior. -my friends are idiots, and seem to be wasting my time out here. -my car is a piece of shit, I want to sell it, my parents expect me to drive it with VERY little AC working.. it's ARIZONA, you idiots. -Something new happens to me every week..... -my parents think I'm going to drop out. -HONESTLY THE LAST 4 MONTHS HAVE SUCKED DICK. I can HONESTLY SAY they have BEEN THE MOST MISERABLE months of my life, now that I think about it. I had some good times, but mainly BAD. I don't even know why I put myself through so much, ahhhhhhhh. I want to move...... or turn back time to 4 years ago. Now that I sat here and read my entries from march and back to december... it seems to be I was happier. now I just feel the oh so cliche word "apathetic", sort of emotionless but than again not really. I'm just fucking confused/tired/fed up/want out. I don't know..... everything is coming to me so fast... it's like I don't even know who I am, as cliche as that sounds. And, it sucks. So much is being expected out of me. I don't care if he reads this either. why can't I find somebody who won't waste my time? why even bother looking for that friend or who ever in general? nobody is geniune anymore.

well. I've realized I have a lot of hate and grief built up in me because of everything that has happened to me in the past about my birth mom and birth dad and other things. I can't talk about these things ever, no one really knows about them. I have a lot of anger or depressed feelings when they get broughten up. I can't talk to a counsler cause they do no good, if I talk to a friend or family memeber the won't understand. Whom ever I talk to it about; has to actually be in my postion. I feel as if another half of me is missing. Me and Chris went to Knotts Berry Farm. It was great, I love fried chicken I ate fried chicken every day there it's good and their biscuits are bomb. I rode all the scary ridesss, I thought I was going to die on the first drop of Ghost Rider. All the rides screwed up my neck. We got pie too take home, really good. I chose pie over cake, anyday. Spring break is going great. Tomorrow, I'm leaving to go shopping in Scottdale, woo. I got a cool snazzy snoopy keychain to add on to my snoopy keychain collection. I took pictures of snoopy from far away on the bus. overall, I had a good time.

I want to drop out of school. Everyone thinks I should. It's too late, I'm almost a senior in 2 months. I'm a hopeless case. I'm tired of everything. I'm learning to lose myself. Someone please tell me, why people rely on drugs, alcohol, smoking, gambling just for the feeling? Cause, I think you're pretty fucking stupid if you do.

So me and Chris have been dating for 2 months today. Yeah, we haven't really spent much time apart. He has changed my life and my outlook on life sorta in so many ways that people will never understand.

I'm going to join the tennis team. Yup, I'm going to corrupt those little bitches. p.s I think a lot of people are really fucking stupid, tee heee :].

so. I think I'm suspended from school? Don't know, I'll find out tomorrow. I didn't even do anything too bad, the usual. I just cut class the whole day with my boyfriend and my friend. Somehow the school found out we cut class together. They said we caused a "huge" problem at school and that they are "investigating" it. Devion and my boyfriend both called themseleves in, they sounded young. So the school found out that they called themseleves in probably. I didn't call myself in. Me and Devion have a class together so they probably asked our last hour teacher if we were friends. They called our houses, asking our parents if they knew where we were, and obviously our parents said no. So supposevly we are getting in school or something else. UH NO FUCK YOU. I am 16 and I can drop out. Bastards just want us there, cause they get paid for us attending school. That's how school profit works from the state. Oh and for the record, they gave out me and Devions' personal information to other parents? Than, Chris's dad hates me. I can't see him for a week. He's not allowed on the phone. His computer is broke. I hate his dad so fucking much, he told my mom to talk about sex to us, uh no after one month? WHO DOES THAT?! His dad also asked for my last name and Devions' last name to see if we were in school. And bingo, he found out. Bastard. So he knows he cut school with me. None of his business. I will be yelling at the school tomorrow morning for giving out my personal info. If all else fails, I'm switching schools. Oh, and I'm the only one who's not grounded out of this. My dad finally got a new job in California for one year, so yay for more money. The end.

I've been thinking about this lately I have 4 months to decide where I am going. I honestly don't know. I don't think a lot of options I have are truley worth it. It's either -go to Scottsdale or -go else where (somewhere far). Like a new state, somewhere I haven't seen. I want a new slate. I don't want to know anyone. New people ect. CRUNK ON NEWS YEARS. NO I'M NOT GOING TO DRINK AND DRIVE. I hung out with Brooke, and she's bad ass. Chai tea and mexicans, mmm good combo. Hopefully she moves out here, when she graduates. Danielle got me a peanuts shirt for christmas, it was cute. And I love my life.

Christmas pisses me off, it has lost it's true meaning of Jesus Christ. Instead of all this commerical bullshit about Santa. Don't get me wrong I believed in Santa too. But now and days Santa and other characters have really gone overboard. Anyways, I actually had a good Christmas for once. I got along with my family. My AMAZING boyfriend got me a ring, it's pretty. I got: -hollister clothes -hollister perfume -escada perfume -dessert perfume and lotion andd more money and clothes. I suck at baking cookies. Tomorrow is my day to go shopping, exicited? Yes. =] Hope everyone has a good one.

Okay I haven't written in here lately so. I got a boyfriend named "Chris", yes he's amazing so far, kind of. School is lame, I'm going to fail geometrey, than again that's not surprising. I hate that teacher, she doesn't know how to teach. She's a new one, and only like 7 kids I am guessing are going to pass that class. I got a new job at a senior home, with my fan club. Oh well he hooked me up with ajob that pays about 7 an hour, just to take plates. So I just have to take a TB test, and I'm good to work. Uhhh I'm going to a stupid local show tonight with David, I haven't hung out with him for like 2 months and we hardly ever talk. I paid off my tickets, I went to court. My license will get suspended next time depending what I do. I got pulled over last night for nothing having my headlights on, haha. I need like a reminder or a bell to tell me. I'm going to Haste the Day with He is Legend on the December 17th. I will get to see my friend Brooke from TUSCAN! I haven't been in the same room with her for like a year. My dad has a job interview next thursday in Hollywood. This spring break I am going to california to find me a college. No way in hell staying in ARIZONA. Me and Elisha will reunite, and catch up on the 3-4 years I have been gone. So far, my life is okay. I feel sick and need to eat I've lost like 10 pounds it sucks. Yeah, the end.

create your own visited states map or check out these Google Hacks. East Coast herreee I come this summer.

where I can actually say I honestly hate my life. My mom is fucking conniving, and fucking addicted.

bullllllllshit. people are so fucking wierd. why would you even have the nerve to even do this to me? fucking fake. my mind has done a complete u-turn and I really don't know what to think of this person other than he/she is 100% full of shit. I seriously need to sit down and think about who are my friends, who are my enemies, and who I can take their word for, but obviously for the last year that hasn't really happened with anyone in general. I need new friends or something, even if it was one friend I could depend on for once in my life, trusting them enough to know I can take their word, they won't lie, or screw me over, unlike the ones I have. I want to move to the east coast, away from everyone here and there, for college. I'll comment back later. and once again for the 09935408503988503th time I get fucked over, yeah fuck you.

Well I got into that car accident. I didn't get the job, some scene girl did. I really do hate my life lately. My mom doesn't give two shits and fuck about me and my dad. My mom has gone crazy and is addicted to gambling. In which she chooses to go gambling than anything. My parents can barely pay the bills. My dad works, my mom can't since she had 5 strokes. I have been looking for a job but I have been shit out of luck. I really do suck at life. My friends fucking suck, I honestly do hate most of them. They take me for granted. They lie to me, use me, and flake out one. Why did I consider them as friends? I don't really think I do, I consider them all as people to talk to that's it. I don't depend on any of them. That goes to most of them. I could careless about school, I want to drop out. I never go, yet I am passing every class but math. Go figure. I'm staying after for like 2 1/2 hours. I know people out there have worse lives than I do. But I am at the point to where I can't take it anymore. jdfghfghkgfdhkjghdfk

I hate that guy. He caused me to get into a car accident. I was at an intersection and I couldn't see the cars coming. They told me to go straight. I did. Than "Just Kidding!". Boom my car almost rolled and I got hit by a van. I have 130 dollar ticket. 8 hours of driving school. and a court date. If I get another ticket/accident or whatever in the next 3 years, my license is suspended till I am 21. That guy I supposevly liked left the accident with his friend. He only wanted to get into my pants or that's what my friend said. eh.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I hardly eat anymore. I feel like gagging all the time now, and this has gone on for like 2 weeks. I eat maybe one meal a day. That's it, no snacks, sometimes a few bites of dinner. I don't puke up my food either. Last night, was fabulous. Sighhhh, he makes me smile so much. Even though we have nothing in common, and I hate the music he listens too. I'm 5'0 and he's almost 6'4, haha odd. He opens the door for me, doesn't ignore me, waits for me, etc. He's smart and stuff. He's only 17. jfdljkflj aww. We didn't even watch the movie, we talked the whole time. Than I ended up talking to him till 1 am. But I didn't go to school cause I was so hungry, and I feel asleep at 230 ish. Oh yeah I have a job interview at Mervyns on WEDS wish me luck.

"Hey there! Girls, I'm a cunt! Greatest line ever, haha not really but every time I die always has catchy lyrics. Anyways, so I went to the mall and bought a new shirt: I dyed my hair dark brown again. Some guy that goes to Deer Valley has a crush on me, uh a co worker from my old work thinks I'm hot? Why do people come out saying they like me randomnly oh well. I need a new set of friends, soon. They either blow me off, or just a fucking bitches too me. Sorry once you piss me off, it comes back twice as hard.

I'm so tired. I just feel like giving up on everyone and everything, and sleep forever with out the intentions of waking up. Ahh I love this song, honestly one of my faves. Well at this moment, I am dying my hair back to dark brown, it matches up with my eye brows, it's my natural hair color. The red in my hair won't come out because of that matrix dye this stupid vietnamese lady used one, ugh. I am passing all of my classes, only 1 C. So I have a B average now, I use to have a D or F average haha. Tables have turned ass hole. I missed Fear Before, fucking Amber didn't call me back, I heard they were amazing. Oh well I have seen them like 3 times. I got a Skin hoodie last weekend. I hate driving, it has messed my life up. I wish my family was perfect, even if I only have my grandparents as my family. I know who I am. I don't know who my friends are. I'm going to be Little Red Riding Hood for halloween. The end.

I loved Hollywood. Gay men, Drag queens, bums, drugs and alcohol. My kinda city! Full of adventure, too bad I couldn't stay longer. There's a lot to do there. Beverly Hills was alright, 1.25$ to park at Rite-Aid. I still loved it. So, next summer I am definately having a road trip back to do everything I didn't get to do. Anyways, homecoming was alright. Good food, danced for an hour and a half with my pals. Here's a picture: Here for you Elisha: OH YEAH THE YANKEES SUCK. GOOD NIGHT