the story of a cutter... Do you ever wonder why people do the things they do? Or why someone would purposely harm themselves? I do... and the answer is control... When everything seems to go wrong and your world is crashing down all at once, you turn to cutting yourself. You feel unworthy and useless. Like everything you do loses its purpose and you feel like you can't control anything that happens in your life. You hurt so bad inside, it feels so unreal. Your emotional pain feels like a dream, and there's nothing you can do about it. You get to the point where you've even lost control of your own emotions. Everything seems too horrible to be real, and you feel like you can't wake up from your nightmare. That is when you turn to the knife... To watch yourself cut yourself is the most real thing you've ever seen. To feel something real is the best thing that has ever happened to you. To see it, feel it, touch it, and know that it's there. Instead of hoping and wishing your emotional pain will go away, you make it. You can not see your emotions, you can not touvh them, you can not physically feel them... but a slice on the wrist, you can. You finally reach for something you CAN control. You thirst for the feeling of control again after your world comes crashing down and you've reached the bottomless pit of darkness... so you turn to the knife... the one thing you can control. Noone can stop you because it's what you do to yourself. Yeah, people can tell you not to, but you make the choice. You choose whether or not you want that self control of the blood dripping out of your arm or the pain of the slit on your wrist. The feeling of the pain on the outside directs your attention from the pain on the inside... and as you're enflicting it upon yourself, you forget about your world crashing down or the life you can't control, and it's all about what you CAN control now. And later, after everything is over, you turn back to the emotional pain you were going through, and it's no longer a big deal. You calmed down. And later in life you look at your scars and realize that your life was real... and still is. And each and every one of those scars was a time that you fell and screwed up. Now, later in your life, would you really want to remember all the pain you went through? Would you really want to bring everything back to life again and realive the horrible moments and tragedies in your life? Because that's what you would do if you cut yourself and leave the scars out to look at later. Remembering each pain and sorrow still leaves you with an ugly feeling of regret. And regret is what you will see written on each and every one of those scars later in life... To control something IS a wonderful feeling, especially if you've lost all hope, but remember, YOU're the one who controlled losing control. So think about it next time you feel lost, think about how you might have taken a wrong path and fix it instead of turning to the knife...Because cutting is what people do for all of these reasons. It's never too late to gain control of your life again...