today me and britta didnt go to school. we both conviently had a funeral...at 8:45 and went to Ridgedale where i spent money i dont have, but it was amazing. and i love spoiling myself. i justify my actions by telling myself how much i deserve it for being such a good girl lol -|- can we cut out the "just friends" routnine cuz its getting really boring and i really wanna have sex with you. i failed to mention that yesterday i recieved a dozen roses from this boy who used to like me-i guess he still does. yeah this boy, that i havent talked to in a year. this boy who on that year ago i cheated on my boyfriend with him. minorly that is. Well anyways he is a creep. and wont stop calling me now that he knows my where abouts. at first i was flatered now im annoyed. :| stop the maddness please. then theres Karl. lol damn boys with accents. but we all know that theres only one boy that i trully adore and he doesnt know i exist. how sweet to always want that which you cant have.and tom is untouchable. i love how i can refer to him on here because no one reads this and no one knows its real.i wish i could explain this maddness going on right now. my mental health is on a serious decline. do u know wut that means? *winter is coming* shoot me please. im turning into everything i said i wouldnt be. i cant help it. theres somehting wrong. and no one sees it. and no one cares. its like im not even real to people. do i want to be? sometimes i wish i was as real as the sun in the sky, as real as the screen im staring at...tangible, touchable, fixable... this whole marcus situation has me running in circles. i wish i knew how to properly communicate with him. but he doesnt fucking care marisabel!! it makes me sad when he talks about all the girls he thinks are beautiful...it makes me feel do damn unpretty. and it also pisses me off how those girls will never take the chance to see how trully magnificent he is because theyre too shallow and too naive and too fucking dumb to give anyone a chance. and i hate how i just cant like karl or ian or someone. and i hate how its been months since ive seen matt. but i guess thats good. actually i have no idea why i mentioned him. lol i dont miss him at all... i need to stop being so emotional. but i cant help it right now. let me be a girl. you alone, are the one that i adore. find something in me to love. and quick!