its crazy how crazy the mind can be, and all the tricks and lies it can make you believe. Or maybe people just force themselves into a feeling until they brain wash themselves. matt was home this weekend, and everyone (at church) never failed to mention it to me. but the crazy thing is...i dont miss him at all. as a matter of fact, him going to college was probably the best thing that happened to me...and i feel stupid admiting it because i remember a time when i swore my demise on his absence. i honeslty thought i loved him, correction-that i was IN love with him, but now i question it all the time, well i guess only when ppl bring him up because otherwise he doesnt cross my mind. and that scares me because if i couldve convinced myself that i was in love with him who says i wont do it again? when will i know when its for real? Or maybe i knew secrelty all along that i didnt love matt at all..love was just a word for easy justification for all the things i did. I dont know, i just feel stupid now looking back at how dramatically ignorant i was just a few months ago. we were young. and dumb. but it still was fun.. i think im going to runaway with a soldier.