A week away from closing, and I swear im about to lose my mind.

Ontop of all the stress I have from closing, I'm just spiraling with everything else in my life. Currently im jobless, and pretty much applying to anything that *might* consider me and/or hire me. Which sucks, because in DE I was making 10 an hour, full time, and had the chance to promote. To come back here ... to nothing. I get hammered on all day everyday about finding one.

Then another situation in my life has me completely fucked in the head. My BEST friend in the entire world was involved in a motorcycle accident on Memorial Day. Broken ankle/leg, his spleen needed repaired, fractures in his spine, and a traumatic brain injury. Other than his brain injury - hes recovered really well. Spleen is good, leg is in a cast, fractures in spine being taken care of, over the pnuemonia he had while in the ICU. But. The brain injury is a LOOOOOONG recovery process. Hes getting better very slowly, but hes getting better. His gf told me the other day he had a few days of clarity and seemed to actually know what was going on after his Dad explained it to him. I saw him 2 days prior to that, and he didnt even know who i am .. even though we've been by each others sides for 15 years. Hes so angry and anxious all the time. His filter is completely gone. Hes done a complete 180 from who he was. I pray daily that he recovers fully. I feel selfish and stupid saying this - but I need my friend. I feel so fucking lost without him. I dont know what to do here without him. Hes the person I went to for everything. (well, not EVERYTHING .. but everything that a best friend offers.) We have literally gone through everything together since we were 15. I love him like my brother (sometimes more than my actual brother) Even if he never fully recovers, he will always be that person for me. Even if he doesnt know me. I hate this so much. This is the 2nd person (the other being my mom) that im close with to go through a TBI .. and I wouldnt wish it on anyone. Its awful to lose a person like this. Everytime you see them your reminded of who they used to be, and everything you shared. To see the look in their face when they dont know you, to not remember your name, it just fucking sucks. If I had only one wish in the world - it would be that they would never have to experience this, that everything was normal again. That wont ever happen, so I'll do what I always do. Plaster a fake smile on my face and force myself through every day until it becomes my reality.

My sense of reality is warped.

I need a strong drink.