Your back is turned from me, you step up onto the platform, i watch you walk up the steps and disappear, the headlights shin into my eyes as i look out the back window, i blame them for the tears in my eyes, i watch a family hug their soilder away, wondering where is he going, will he see his family again? I dont cry because i know although you are going far away i'll see you again. Whether in March April or May i know i will again some day. I wait for the wheels to take you far away, i watch strangers say goodbye to those they love. i wish to give you one last kiss one last hug anything to lessen the miss, the miss i have even though you have yet to leave, but just then the doors slam shut and i feel my body being torn away from you. I turn and face forward as you pull up next to me, i look up and see you sitting on the bus, you dont see me, or the pain that is building up inside. I miss you already as you leave for far away, not over seas or out of state but none the less oh so far away. It is times like now that i feel the love i have for you as we are pulled back to our seperat lives, our lives far away from each other.

So, i havent been keeping up with this all that well, and well thats sorta depressing so im gonna TRY to start at it again. Well 1st off its my bestest buddies birthday today/yesterday depending on where you live so tell cateyes happy birthday! 2ndly that really hot guy at the top of my page, oh thats my boyfriend, i know hes amazing. Haha no really, hes really great. And i heart/love him so much! So umm yea i like MAD TV thus the background and as for the walking cat across the top of the page, well lets just say... OH look at the kitty!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well its deffintly been a long while since i've been writing. Been busy with School, after school activities, Jayco haha. All though many ppl have said it will never work out. i am seeing him yet again and will be waiting for him at the bus station. :) Hmmmm,cant wait to see him! YAY! only what 4more days till he arrives!!! la la la la walking in the clouds wwwweeeeeeeee!!!! Ok well gotta get going to school! Love Ya Jayco!

So i havent been on in a while...well here anyways. Life as been crazy, like crazy crazy. School, heartache, sickness, national disasters... all that lovely stuff. School has been intresting mostly because my teachers are freaks and kinda scare me, the kids on the bus are pervs. Got tons of classes, Band is nutty... Dont wanna get started on friends, or my distant lover... god do i miss him!!!!! I wish i knew when i would see him next. Yea so idk....

Only 5 days after today till Jayco comes up from Philly to spend the weekend with me...YAY!!!! I cant wait im so excited la la la la August 12, at 12:20... im not gonna be able tp sleep thursday night i know it. Argh. Hey carol thanks for all the encouragement, and im sorry for being a hypocrit. :( i guess it is possible, hehehe oh well lets just hope and pray i see him again after this coming weekend.

Omg 23 days seems so long, but that is how long it is till my brother leaves for college and im sick of ppl telling me im gonna miss him cuz in all likely hood im not, because hes a jerk. And im sick of listening to him and my mom fight all the god damn time. Once he leaves there will be food in the fridge, a peacefulness in the house, more space on my computer, and a nicer scent will waft through the house. Oh and i will have MY car back and MY computer to myself. Grrr....

Oh man do i love this boy! Jayco is such a sweetheart, he flatters me all the time. And i cant wait till he comes up t see me:), im never gonna let him return, heheehee. Oh well cant wait so excited!

WOW...it describes the week so well. I went to ECOcamp expecting close to nothing and thinking it couldnt be any better than CLS i was sooo wrong. We all know about Mike from CLS well im sorry that i have to say he is no longer my number one, sorry. I went to ECO and when i got there they were throwing boomerrangs around i saw this super cute guy. Well apperently he saw me too because we hooked up at camp. I miss him so much, he is everything i was looking for only fell "short" in one area and i dont care, because he was so perfect. Everything that happened this week byw me and him is nothing to this morning. When he woke me up with a kiss.after i went back to bed after of about a half hour of me talking like a drunk becasue i was so tired, i felt something jump up on to my bunk and i opened my eyes to see him sitting at the foot of my bed. It was so wonderful to have spent the time i did with him and i miss him very much. I hope someday he finds me again.

Yes well im bored extremely tired but awake, leave for ECO camp tomorrow... should be uhhhh intresting. Yesterday was a hoot R:"You should have gone up behind him and gave him a kiss on the cheek." D:"Uhhhh i dont want any STDs" "Yea its his "birthday" Could you sng to him after we leave?" Oh well i hope you had a good "birthday" yesterday.

Have you ever been listening to a song where they are asking questions on how it feels to be alone and depressed and they dont seem to understand how you can get that lonely and empty, and yet you can ansewer the questions becasue you know how it feels, because have been there and through it? You've held that bottle of sorrow but couldnt bring yourself to letting go? You've locked yourself in your room trying to escape from all the outside pain, you have screamed into the darkness to release your anger and fears. When you are asked if u could change one regret in your life what would it be? Your answer is silence because you have no clue how to choose just one. When you look into someones eyes and they are so happy that they glow, you break down and cry. When asked whats wrong you lie to cover the truth because it hurts so much. You know whats it like...to be empty, hurt, and alone. Because you have been there and through it.

So im off to go Kayaking because thats what i do. Happy 4th to everyone, come over tonight if you like and watch the fireworks i got the best seats in the house! BUH YAH! Ummmmm yea miss all ya'lls hope to hear from some one real soon because i leave in 12 days WOOPY!!!! Cant wait to...uhhh...idk dont really have anything to do. Guess im gonna camp out tonight up on top of the hill with the stars and fireworks above me, so if you need me you'll have to come and visit! Well im outta here!

Me and MIke at CLS CLS was so great!!!! OMG the stuff that happened there was awesome! cant wait to go back again. Shane stole my shirt and it is now in Saint Mary's being "nessied" with oh geez, Ryan took my flip flops and is gonna wear them he says, and Mike was so sweet i really liked him to bad he lives all the way up at Saint Marys guess i'll visit him when i go up to the camp! We are gonna go to WalMart and play hunting games in the lobby! He was awesome i know it sounds funny i must have a built in habit thing first it was all guys with J's and now its Mike's wow so wierd. Renee i love you, "why why why are you making fun of me?"" and it went fdsjkdjkg gnhkhgjd djskdhsdshd" "Chicalickalica" hehehehe grea time! I have a waiting list on pics i should be working on that right now but im not. Becasue i am so tired!!!! but oh well:)Shane(DCNR shirt), Mike, Ryan(flipflops)

Yea so im bored and its 1:10am w/no body to talk to, but oh well thats just too sad. So i went to that myspace.com place yeah i dont like it its kinda dumb, but oh well w/e floats ppls boats. So im watching Phantom of the Opera because yea its great. Blah i hate bugs they are gonna drive through a wall... im gonna die this summer with the heat and all that jazz but oh well enough of me and my petty problems, blha blah blah... ~JEssie~ P.S. I luv ya rin, taylor, and all you other fruitytooty ppl*muahz*

Got my hair cut and it looks sexy!!! Gonna make all the boy moose go MoooooUUUUUUUUAaaaaaHHHHHHHH!!!!! Schools out and all i have to say is.....IMADE IT INTO ENCORE!!!! im a MUNCKIN!!!!! WOOP!!! thats right stay outta the way im a giant munckin!!! and congrats to RIN on getting her solo!!!! Congrats to my bro who graduated last night!!! Cant wait til he leaves there will finally be food again in my fridge once he is gone!!! Cant wait to get this week over Cadets is next week..ewwy i can already feel the sunburn, i leave for vacation on the 17th and wont be back for a many night and days and moons and all that jazz well i passed 10th grade and am moving on with my new look attitude and all that and some more. ~Jessie~ P.S. "HE LUVS ME!!!" heheheheh you know what im smoking

Im the invisible friend that you know you have but never see!!! Hey there, just been hiding from the world because its safer hiding. Need to talk to polishmike, ratlor, and cateyes. Oh well hope to chat to ya all soon! Cabin was fun not as good as last year oh well we'll make next year better!!!!!! School ends soon and my brother's graduation party is coming up WOOOP!!!! ~Jess~

it was intresting to say the least.... it had its good and bad. Oh well guess im glad to be home.... ok no not really. I'll go back to cheaply maintained overprced hotels and crappy food over this stressful place anyday. Oh well...

ok so yea weekend=fun tired got stuff to do i'll leave a better message later! " baby im gonna rock you all night long......... right after i change ur diaper.....teen pregnancy hase consequences" ~Jessie~

My poor bunnie is dying... and theres nothing i can do, tomorrow i have to put him to sleep, he has cancer, 1 mass on his face and another on his neck:(, he has lost all use of his back legs and is struggling with his front... i gave him a strawberry today because they are his favorite and he acted if as nothing was wrong, he tried to hop around the kitchen like he always did, but he couldnt and it broke my heart. I feel horrible because i hate having to make the decision to put him to sleep. He can be in all that pain and still greet me at his cage door and is as happy as pie to see me. I LOVE ya RAIN! I wish i had done something sooner and hadent listened to my dad... he was wrong and i was right for once, and now my poor baby Rain is gonna go somewhere greener and brighter...

Pretty tired been a long week, been staying up late and getting up early. School is wieghing me down but hey whats new there? Went to the dance last night it was intresting to say the least, some ppl had more fun then others. Planted trees today for volunteer day it was fun i guess im tired but other than that it was good, i was being really bitchy to my friends and yea i dont feel very good about it. oh wells.... i got a shit load of homework to do tomorrow...ick... oh well

SO Mike asked me out.... and hes probally reading this, i dont have an answer for him. I dont wanna sound mean and i dont want to hurt him, im really honestly not ready for a "serious" relationship, im NOT girlfriend material!!!!!! Believe me!I know my calculus and it says Me+Guy=uhappy guy. So i guess this is a "no"? I dont know, oh the crap holes i dig for myself. Oh boy! ~Byrdy~