First off, I just wanna say that people are dumb. Oh wait, have I already said that? Well, a comment about my last entry totally confirmed that. So supposedly my diary is "but fucking ugly". Alright, that's cool. I can respect it if people don't like the same things I do but if you wanna make the insult more effective, learn how to spell. And the comment "I think your totally gay" is so ignorant. I'm not gay. I even bitched about how a guy I like didn't wanna go to prom with me. And even if I WAS gay, fuck you. You're even more ignorant by using gay as an insult and I hope someone kicks your ass for it. Saying "that's gay" is like saying "oh, that's black." You don't do that because you know you'd get your ass kicked. So I REALLY hope you have a huge gay man in your school, he hears you saying that, and he attacks you in the middle of a darkened alley. And all just because you were stupid. Moving on... When I lose out on sleep, I get slightly hyper for some reason. Like I'm trying to keep myself awake or something like that. Anyways, I was really jumpy today because I had to wake up an hour early for percussion ensemble. Kourtney was crabby and we just clashed so she ended up pissing me off. Not a huge deal though. I bought my prom ticket. Not really exciting either. I guess everything worth mentioning happened after school. Golf practice was fine. We were all really pissed because tomorrow we have a meet in Alpena so we're leaving the bus garage at like 6:30 AM and on top of that we're playing 18 holes instead of just 9. Whatever. But originally we were supposed to go with Grayling and most of the Grayling golf players are bitches. But it turns out that we won't be going with them due to lack of communication. You'd think that would make my life happiness wouldn't you? Oh but if only it were that easy. I went to Mexico for spring break, I don't know if I mentioned that. But I did. Our Spanish Club went to Merida, Valladolid, Playa del Carmen, and Cancun for spring break. We left on a Thursday, came back on a Thursday but on Saturday my camera started to act up. We all just figured it was the heat and the humidity so Mr. Hofer said that he thought my camera was still working. I realize it's not his fault or anything because he's not a camera expert so I won't blame it on him at all. I came back with 12 rolls but I figured about 4 would be wasted on Saturday from trying to fix my camera. So we turned in the earlier rolls awhile ago and most of them turned out. Recently we turned in my last 4 that were taken AFTER the camera got fucked up. Not ONE of them worked. Not ONE fucking roll turned out. Now obviously they didn't charge me anything or I'd have kicked them in the shins and run but I'm so fucking pissed off. 4 whole rolls of film are gone. I'm seriously depressed right now. I cried. I fucking crawled into my bed, hugged my little teddy bear, and I bawled because I wanted those pictures. Souvenirs are one thing but pictures are entirely different. Thank God Mr. Williams is copying some of his pictures for us so I'm just gonna be receiving like all of his. But still. That means that my $400 camera is broken. It's 4 fucking months old! How the hell?! The last time it really worked was at Progresso Beach. I went into the water and had Sarah and Liz take some pictures of me. While Sarah was taking them, I guess the thing started to act up so she put it down. I was in the water the whole fucking time. It worked right up until when they used it. I'm not saying it was their fault because obviously it wasn't but still. I'm fucking enraged. Can you tell I like the word fuck? Just a little bit. This is my blurty to be truly angry at the world though. If I said this anywhere else, people would start to think I need medical help. Maybe I do. We'll see where it goes. I recently wrote a comp paper about my depression. We're supposed to start with an "exploding moment" which is really just a little scene where you put the person in the moment. So I started mine with blood dripping onto my new jeans as I frantically searched for band aids, neosporin, and a bandana for my wrist. Then I switched to talking about when I became depressed, how I used to dig in with my thumb nail (a less obvious way of cutting), and how one night I cut with an actual knife. That was the last night I cut. Then I finally got help. Well, then I finally came clean to my family. Of course they had no idea. But the paper was supposed to be about courage and it took courage back then to come out about what I'd done, and it also took a lot of courage to go back and relive it in order to write it. I don't know what to do with myself. I wanna go running but then I have to take the dog nad we have no place to go. I realize that's probably the stupidest thing I've ever said and you'd agree with me if you knew where I live. But I don't wanna run on the road or where anyone could see me so chances are I'll just go in the basement, blast some music, and run on the treadmill. God it's so repetitive. It sucks. Oh, and I've decided never to talk to Cody again. Well, at least not about anything I'm passionate about. There are 2 things that I will fight to the death over. The first one is that abortions should be illegal because it's murder. The second is that gay people should have all equal rights- INCLUDING marriage. Actually, all rights ESPECIALLY marriage. I would love to be a lawyer just for the gay marriage case because I've turned down every legal objection a person could have. So, anonymous noter, if you'd be so kind as to leave your name next time, we can have a lovely little chat about your ignorance and your closed-mindedness. Enjoy.