I'm being stretched way too thin. I know that in the movies they always talk about how it feels like this thing is just stretching them from one side of a room to another or that kind of thing and I can FINALLY relate to that. It sucks, but I can relate. My plans Monday were let up a little so it wasn't as bad. But I had percussion ensemble, school, practice, dance, a comp packet, psych, Spanish, and would've had 5 pages of comp to write but she postponed it. Then I didn't even bother doing ANY of it. I did nothing. Not a thing. This morning I finished my comp packet. Then I did the academic thing, practice, and now here I am again. My mom is telling me to either clean my room or work on my comp pages due Thursday but I can't right now. Then tomorrow I have school, practice, and then I go to Sarah's to learn this colorguard routine for her senior project. I also have to do the 5 pages either tonight or tomorrow. And I have to rewrite the first 5 because they just sucked. Thursday I also have early percussion ensemble. I realize that doesn't sound like a lot. And when I really sit here and think about it, it isn't. But thinking about something and actually experiencing it is so much different. I just don't know how much more I can take and I feel like crap because I've had enough breakdowns this year. Earlier I had one where I went to Andrea's at like the beginning of the year. It was really bad. Then I had another after my dad yelled at me. And again I went over to Andrea's. Now I can tell there's another one coming up but I feel like I can't go to Andrea's because her parents are splitting and I'd feel bad going over my own problems. God I don't know. I need a break. That sounds so fucking pathetic. Dude, I just got back from Mexico. But that didn't even count because the whole time we were there, it was constant action. I've not really had one break all year. Everything just keeps slamming and slamming. And next year will be worse. Because on top of everything, I'll be co-editor of yearbook. I'm already getting shit dumped on me. I understand that not everybody has a ride and that plans can change at the last minute. I understand that because it's happened to me before. I'm just sick of the fact that if someone can't take pictures, I'M stuck doing it. If someone needs a ride, I have to either pick them up or cover them. I'm just tired. And I get nothing for what I do. Not a thing. Like, if so-and-so sells all their ads, we all get to have an ice cream party. And if Nicole and Kourtney finish the Senior Memory Book, good for them! But hey, I mean, I drive my car 100 miles a week for pictures and that's just nice. Then I get a no credit for not having things spelled right. Maybe I just feel like I'm not appreciated. Nothing I do ever seems to be good enough. I mean, I have a lot of shit. I have percussion ensemble, band, yearbook, Spanish, comp, AP History, golf, Sarah's senior project, dance, and occasionally I work on the weekends. And now I wanna apply for a job at Subway because I need a steady flow of cash. So naturally, I come home, am dead, and I lay in bed for a while, reading, and trying to relax for the first time of the day when my mom knocks, says I better either be cleaning my room or working on comp, and walks away. Great. Thank you mom for making my day MORE stressful. And then she tells me that there's no excuse for my room being a mess, I can't have THAT much homework, I don't do enough to be exhausted, and basically just calls me a lazy, whining bitch and walks away from the door for me to sit there wondering just how much more my life could suck. Oh yeah, and on top of that, I have to worry about my friends. Next year, they'll all be gone. Kourtney will be at Northwestern, Nicole at Central, and Andrea at Baker. When will I be seeing them? Not much. Yes, Kourtney will be home on weekends and such but I'm busy on weekends and I wouldn't be able to see her all the time. Basically I'm realizing that I'm losing my best friends. People say that best friends always lose touch once they go to college. Kourtney and the gang have said that won't be us but everybody ALWAYS says that and it ALWAYS happens to them. Like my mom still talks to her best friend through e-mails every now and again but that's it. It's always because they go to college, meet new things/ people, and just lose touch. It's nobody's fault; it just happens. And that's what scares me. I've braced myself. I really have. Like I'm just telling myself I WON'T be seeing them really ever again as much as what I am right now. Nothing will ever be the same. I don't like knowing that my best friends in the whole world, are about to go off and leave me behind here in Rosco. I still have Kristy, Sean, and Lisa with me but it's different. Kourtney and Andrea were like my soulmate friends I guess. And next year they'll both be gone and I'll still be here. Wow. So I've now given myself new problems. Thank you Carla, what a great person you are to yourself. I'm outta here. My mom is now bitching because since I'm not doing homework, she gets to kick me off and use the phone. And she can't POSSIBLY call my aunt at 10:00 even though she's called HERE at like 10:30 before. No, that's just innapropriate. Alright. Tears have started so I'm gonna go hop in the shower and rid myself of them. Bye bye.