Slice into the depths and sink your teeth in Run blood through the arms of demons and slash hysterically at them. She sleeps soundly tonight knowing you've done all you could

today was the first day in awhile i held the razor to my skin. oh it felt so good the cold blade against my skin. but did i cut? Did i bleed the blood i so wish to bleed? No. the forces of nature held the blade there for what seemed like eternity. Oh that my dear people is my heaven and my hell. Pure bliss

I almost died. I took some protien shake a kid gave me. Turns out i was allergic to some of the ingredients. I became lightheaded and dizzy. After a few minutes of that I fell into unconciousness and had a seizure. I guess a kid took video on his phone and I had blood coming out of my nose as I shook violently on the ground. If this had happened three years ago I would have been sad I didnt die.

after 15yrs of being married he realized the only reason he loves his wife was because she loves him. Thats not a good enough reason to leave. but its not a good enough reason to stay.

so i chat to myself. absentedly. about everything. even if im around people ill imagine someone else is there and ill carry on a conversation with my invisible person. and my friends will ask me who i am talkiing to and ill stop and realize no one is there. and be like i dont know i thought i saw someone. i think im developing schizophrenia or something.

I work overnights. 10pm to 6am. and its saturday morning and i cant sleep. I hate my life. News to everyone right? I want to be a kid. Fuck girls and not worry about their age. Smoke weed and do drugs and not worry about jail. I want everyone to know this yellow is me. Not pretty but not really ugly you just wouldnt do anything with it cuz you dont know what to do with it. So... i guess im going with this girl named melissa. but i dont know what is going on with us. She likes me alot. and i love having sex with her. but she wants more than just sex and im not sure that i do. I had my first cigarette today in the last week and it was so good. its not that im trying to quit its that i dont have 5 bucks to go buy some. sad i know im starting to realize that no one really understands me. and realizing that scares the shit out of me. however i do like jackie. small problem is she is 16 and that would be a criminal thing to take away her innocence. but i think it would be worth it.

This is whats best for me for you for us... Or maybe just for me I thought as a tear formed in the pit of her eye. That fucking song. I still cant get over it. I thought that line over and over and over again. She pleaded for me to stay. I told myself no. Im sitting there staring at the floor. She is holding onto me crying. pleading begging me to not go. I pulled her arms off of me. and stared into her big beautiful green eyes. And then she asked me. "Are we still together?" I replied in a whisper, "I love you." She just shook her head saying stop... are we together?..." "no" She fell back sobbing. I stood up with out saying a word. Walked out of her room. Up the stairs into the garage. and left. I didnt say anything to her for over 6 months. And I used to wonder why she hates me. Ive never loved anyone the way i loved her. probably never will. but now she is getting married. and i am destined to be alone forever... just me my cigarettes and my razor blade. aww the only love i need...

Are you like me? Are you ugly? There is nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home...

alright so i had a wild week. this girl who is like perfect jailbait was cashiering at kmart when i was in there. and she was like hey and i asked her what she wanted and she said to fuck you. and i was like ok heres my number and she was like no i want to know. so she just left her register and we went out to her car and fucked. then she went back in and back to work. she called me so i went out to her house. where we showered together and i railed her into her kitchen table. and then i stopped talking to her. cuz i found out she was sixteen. so then i was out and this guy came up to me and said he didnt like my face. and that he was gonna change it. so he swung at me. i duckedd and moved in with my knee into his stomach. from there i caught him in the throat and put hinm on the ground... but other than that its the same shit. fuck her cut here. ive been smoking more tho. someone told me that. i dunno i havent noticed. but it soothes me so fuck them

So i decided to sell all my shit and move to italy. with her. to be with her. to be happy. the pleasure of being inside her is so much more than i ever imagined. everytime she touches my face walks past me. the smell of her hair the taste of her lips makes me more and more ready to fuck her perfectly formed ass until she begs for me to stop. the first time we fucked she dug her nails into my skin so far i bled til i was done with work. oh i have never felt such relieving pain.

So I finally exploded in my own thoughts. its 11 now and ive been crying since 8. just cut myself and fall asleep.

she wants to move on. She wants to be with terry or josaih or jeremy or whatever his name is. she would rather settle for less then wait for me. ah... life... she tells me she wont move with me. that she cant. she doesnt see us lasting any longer. and the next day she says she loves me and wants to be with me. hmm... That brings me to her. her is my ex. I think im still in love with her. which would make my situation with she very difficult. the other night me and her fucked in her car. she doesnt know yet... i dont think im gonna tell she. she doesnt need to know god it was just like we had never broken up. i miss her so much. but her has a boyfriend. of over a year. does that make me a bad person?

not much has changed. She is sleeping around again. she is with some guy named terry who is so close to her i can hear him breathing through the phone. god i hate this. sitting here knowing exactly what is happening. and i know tomorrow she will lie right to my face and tell me nothing happened. its funny kinda this time cuz i know its happening and he is married. she is such a whore. I cant believe i let myself fall for her charade. this is my pathetic excuse for being alive. will someone else please come and rescue me from this cuz i cant escape on my own. i;ve tried. she just drags me back in kicking and screaming. i try you know. I really do. I try to find someone else. I have many times. more times than i can count. its just maybe no one is attracted to me. maybe im not the kind of guy you bring home to your parents. maybe im destined to be alone. or maybe not maybe i have to many dreams of living a normal life with one person. maybe im too young. but i look at my friends and my ex/s and they all look happy. and honestly it makes me sick. i see everyone running around being happy with the one that loves them for them. and it makes me mad. but not just mad jealous. oh the jealousy that overwhelms me. i think i am going mad. honestly this is worse than the time i tried to commit suicide. i know now that i am meant to be alive but for what purpose. to make others feel superior? no no no that isnt a purpose. i know what im good at. im good at making people laugh. and not just laugh but laugh at me. and i can make a girl feel special. i make women blush and get people to laugh at me. someone told me i had a pretty face. thats gotta be worth something. but what do i do with it? forget the rest of them. just look at me. just accept me for me. just know that this is me.