not much has changed. She is sleeping around again. she is with some guy named terry who is so close to her i can hear him breathing through the phone. god i hate this. sitting here knowing exactly what is happening. and i know tomorrow she will lie right to my face and tell me nothing happened. its funny kinda this time cuz i know its happening and he is married. she is such a whore. I cant believe i let myself fall for her charade. this is my pathetic excuse for being alive. will someone else please come and rescue me from this cuz i cant escape on my own. i;ve tried. she just drags me back in kicking and screaming. i try you know. I really do. I try to find someone else. I have many times. more times than i can count. its just maybe no one is attracted to me. maybe im not the kind of guy you bring home to your parents. maybe im destined to be alone. or maybe not maybe i have to many dreams of living a normal life with one person. maybe im too young. but i look at my friends and my ex/s and they all look happy. and honestly it makes me sick. i see everyone running around being happy with the one that loves them for them. and it makes me mad. but not just mad jealous. oh the jealousy that overwhelms me. i think i am going mad. honestly this is worse than the time i tried to commit suicide. i know now that i am meant to be alive but for what purpose. to make others feel superior? no no no that isnt a purpose. i know what im good at. im good at making people laugh. and not just laugh but laugh at me. and i can make a girl feel special. i make women blush and get people to laugh at me. someone told me i had a pretty face. thats gotta be worth something. but what do i do with it? forget the rest of them. just look at me. just accept me for me. just know that this is me.